


Fic: There's a Hole in Me, Just About the Size of You

by Lyri



Category: Kane (Band), Supernatural RPF
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, Homophobia, M/M, Minor Violence, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-05
Updated: 2011-06-05
Packaged: 2017-10-31 02:00:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 66,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/338644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyri/pseuds/Lyri





	1. Chapter 1

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image.png)

“Jen, please don’t be mad about this,” Jared said. His eyes were pleading, begging. “Just calm down so we can talk about it.”

“Mad?” Jensen repeated, ignoring the suggestion completely. “Why the hell would I be mad, Jared? My boyfriend has decided he doesn’t love me enough to move to Boston with me. Why the hell would I be mad about that?!”

Jared sighed and Jensen scrubbed at his face, hoping to stall the tears that threatened to fall.

It wasn’t a new argument. They’d talked and yelled about nothing else every day for a month, ever since Jensen got the job offer from Massachusetts General, both of them repeating the same argument over and over again. It was getting old, but Jensen couldn’t find it within himself to stop fighting. If he stopped fighting, it’d be like he was admitting defeat.

“I just don’t understand why you can’t get a job here,” Jared said, his voice strained, like he was struggling with his own tears. “Why can’t you just stay in Texas?”

Jensen frowned. There was something in that sentence, in the way Jared had phrased the question, that didn’t sound right. It felt off, and suddenly, Jensen felt like he was missing a huge part of the argument.

“Don’t you think I’ve tried, Jared?” he pressed on, hoping to make Jared understand. “Do you honestly think I would even consider moving all the way across the country if I could get a job here? No one wants me, Jay. Massachusetts General is offering me a damn good opportunity and I’d be stupid to turn it down.”

“But I don’t wanna leave, Jen. Boston’s not home. It’s not Texas.”

Jensen let out a frustrated sigh. “Of course it’ll never be home. But Jeff’s already there, and we’ll have each other. That’s all we really need.”

Jared shook his head. “No, Jensen, that’s not all we really need. What about our parents, huh? What about Mack and Meg? And Josh? We’re just gonna leave them here?”

“God, Jared, it’s not like we’re abandoning them!” Jensen yelled, trying to get through to the man in front of him, the man he’d loved for more twelve years. “We’ll be back for the holidays and vacations. It’s not like we’re never gonna see them again.”

It wasn’t like Jared had a career that was keeping him tied to Texas. He was an illustrator who made more money working privately than he did working for the _Dallas Sun_ , where he’d been since graduating . His agent lived in New York; moving to Boston would save on all the money Jared spent on airfare to attend meetings with her every few months.

But Jared was still shaking his head, and somewhere deep inside, Jensen knew that this was the last time they were going to have this argument.

“Please,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “Give me one good reason, one thing that makes you want to stay here.”

Something flickered in Jared’s eyes, and Jensen knew that this was it.

“I just don’t want to go with you.”

Jensen felt the words like a kick to the stomach. He nodded once, not trusting his voice, then grabbed his jacket and left their apartment.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

Jensen sent Chris and Steve to distract Jared while he packed up his things from their home. Jensen didn’t tell them what was going on, but after less than an hour, his phone started ringing, with Chris and Steve alternating calls every two minutes, and he had to turn it off or he’d never get finished before Jared returned.

He was pretty sure he’d be able to hear them all the way from the bar when they got worked up enough and started yelling at Jared anyway.

He left all the furniture and appliances for Jared, just taking the coffee machine Josh bought him for his birthday four years ago. Jared didn’t drink a lot of coffee anyway.

He struggled when he got to the DVDs and CDs. He didn’t know which were his and which were Jared’s. They’d stopped caring sometime during their sophomore year of college, when they moved into their first apartment; it was a crappy little one-room place, but it was all they really needed. Now, all their stuff was just one big pile.

He picked through the DVDs, taking the _Friends_ box set that had been a gift and the _X-Files_ box set that he still hadn’t watched, along a few other select favorites.

He ignored the CDs; everything was on his iPod anyway.

He packed the photos from his desk, mostly random candid shots of him and Jared, but he knew he’d never put them up whenever he got to Boston. They were going to sit in a box at the back of his closet and gather dust, but he also couldn’t bear to leave them behind.

Jensen packed everything into the bed of Chris’ truck and then stood in the doorway, looking around at the place that had been his home six years.

It wasn’t barren and empty, the way he had imagined it being when he left. The living room didn’t even look all that different with only Jensen’s stuff removed, and his heart ached for what he was leaving behind.

He said a silent goodbye and climbed into the truck, driving to Chris’, where he knew he’d be staying until he made the move to Boston. He couldn’t face staying with his parents.

Not with Jared’s parents living right down the street.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

Two weeks later, Jared’s brother, Jeff, called from Boston, and told Jensen that his new house was all sorted. Jeff and some of his friends from the hospital, where Jensen would be working, already unpacked the stuff he’d sent in the moving van. Jensen left Jeff in charge of everything on the Boston side of the move while he moped in the guest room at Chris’, refusing to speak to anyone about the situation.

He booked his ticket that night for the next available flight and spent the next day packing the few things he’d taken out at Chris’ before going to say goodbye to his parents and Mackenzie.

Megan stood tearfully back a ways, as if she was unsure about her place or whether Jensen would want to talk to her. Jensen hugged her tight and told her she will always be his sister, even though Jared had destroyed all hope of that ever being anything more than wishful thinking.

He didn’t say goodbye to Jared’s parents. They’d already called him to find out what was going on, and their constant urging for Jensen to stay, to fix things with their son, was more than he could handle. Jared was the one to ruin everything; it should’ve been up to him to make the effort to fix things.

So far, Jensen hadn’t spoken to him.

As Jensen waited on the front steps for the cab to the airport, his thoughts turned to Josh and his absence. His older brother had called and texted, making it clear that he was trying to work out what was going on in Jared’s head, but between Jared, work and making time to spend with his new wife, Rachel, Josh didn’t have much free time to spend with Jensen, and they said goodbye over the phone rather than in person.

When Jensen got to the airport and checked in, he found Chris and Steve waiting for him at the gate. They were sitting next to each other on the uncomfortable plastic chairs, and Chris’s hand was resting high on Steve’s thigh in a gesture that spoke more of intimacy than friendship. They both held boarding passes in their hands and Jensen knew without anyone having to say anything that Chris and Steve were moving to Boston with him.

Chris looked up at him, one eyebrow raised in a silent challenge and Jensen just smiled and shook his head.

No one said anything as Jensen sat down next to Steve to wait for the flight to board.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

Jared watched from the airport parking lot as Jensen's flight took off. He ran his fingers through his hair, pulling hard on the ends until pain spiked.

He knew he’d made a mistake, a terrible mistake, but he didn’t know how to fix it, didn’t know if he even deserved to be able to, so he didn’t even try.

Jared’s cell phone rang and he fished it out of the pocket of his jeans, eyes still on the plane as it vanished into the distance.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice thick with emotion.

The voice in his ear made his stomach churn uneasily, bile rising in the back of his throat.

“I’m fine,” he said through gritted teeth, wanting nothing more than to hang up and go back to his silent apartment and drink himself into a coma.

The voice asked him to go to dinner and Jared paused.

The last thing he wanted to do was spend time with the person on the other end of the phone; the thought alone made his skin crawl, made him feel worthless.

“Yeah,” he answered. “Yeah, dinner sounds great.”

The caller squeaked with excitement and Jared winced at the sound.

He climbed back behind the wheel of his car, cell phone still pressed to his ear as they discussed the time and place, and he tried to forget about green eyes and freckles.

Jensen wasn’t coming back, after all.

Jared had made sure of that.


	2. Chapter 2

 

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image1.png)

 

**_Four Years Later_ **

_“Jensen, come on! Don’t be a little bitch,”_ Jeff said over the phone. Jensen laughed as he poured crappy coffee into the mug Chris bought him for his last birthday. It said ‘Dr. Sexy’ in fancy black script, and Jensen couldn’t even remember the last time he felt even remotely sexy.

“I can’t, Jeff, I told you, I’m working.”

 _“Yeah, overtime,”_ Jeff reminded, disgust in his tone. _“You’re doing_ them _a favor, not the other way around. Come on, Jen, this is the first time I’ve been out of the house since the new baby was born. That’s almost two months, man! Don’t make me spend the night without my little brother.”_

Jensen felt a dull pang in his chest, the same pang he always felt when Jeff referred to him as his brother. No matter how much Jensen wanted it to be true, he would never be more than Jeff’s friend.

“Look, Jeff, Chris and Steve’ll be there. And Misha, right? It’s not like you’ll even know I’m missing.”

Jeff snorted. _“Yeah, right. I always notice when you’re not there. Chris and Steve get all hands-y with each other when you’re not there to keep them in line. It’s still weird seeing them making out.”_

Jensen was not inclined to disagree. Chris and Steve had been together for years, and it still creeped Jensen out a little when they got all cute and couple-y with each other. It only got worse when they’d been drinking, and it was usually Jensen’s job to sit between them and make sure they kept their hands to themselves.

But tonight, Jensen was just really not in the mood.

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “If I get off at a decent hour, I’ll try to make it. Where are you guys gonna be?”

_“Just Morgan’s, nowhere special. I just need some company and conversation that doesn’t revolve around diapers, or Cameron asking if he can send his new sister back because she looks like Yoda. I swear Chris and Steve are never babysitting him again.”_

Jensen laughed. His little godson rocked. “I’m pretty sure that Chris and Steve aren’t responsible for that. You need to be looking at the decidedly evil red-head.”

Jeff squawked. _“Danneel? Danneel’s been letting Cameron watch_ Star Wars _?!”_

“Dude, they’re her favorite movies!”

 _“He’s two!”_ Jensen laughed again and Jeff huffed in annoyance. _“Look, stop changing the subject, are you gonna be there or not?”_

“If I get outta here before eleven, I’ll be there, alright?” Jensen hated lying, especially to Jeff, but he just wasn’t feeling up to it.

He never really felt up to it.

Jeff chuckled. _“I’m gonna call you at eleven just to see where you are. If you’re not at the hospital, I’m coming to get you.”_

“At eleven, you’ll be so wasted you won’t even see the buttons on your phone, let alone be sober enough to drive.”

_“We shall see, my friend. We shall see.”_

Jeff hung up without saying goodbye as usual, and Jensen just shook his head, grinning as he put his cell phone back into his locker. He picked up his crappy coffee and collapsed on the lumpy couch for a much-needed break before he headed back into the minefield that was the Massachusetts General ER on a Friday night.

Jensen had just started to doze off when the door to the break room banged open and Misha breezed in.

“Oh, please tell me you are not working overtime again,” he said, with something like revulsion in his voice.

Jensen let his head fall back against the back of the couch and closed his eyes again. “I’d ask why I keep putting myself through this, but I don’t think I’d like the answer.”

“Because you’re a pathetic loser with no life,” Misha chose to answer anyway.

“I have a life,” Jensen mumbled into his coffee mug, but he knew as well as Misha that this was not exactly true.

“This hospital isn’t a life, Jen, it’s an existence. You do nothing but work and it’s getting a little ridiculous,” Misha told him as he changed into street clothes.

“I go out!” Jensen protested, sitting up straight. “I have friends! You should know, you’re one of them!”

“The fact that I’m your best friend should prove to you that you have no life,” Misha said, absolutely no emotion in his voice.

“I’m not _your_ best friend?!” Jensen exclaimed.

Misha rolled his eyes. “Of course you’re my best friend. But you have other friends, too. Do you even remember what Chris and Steve look like? I swear if it wasn’t for the fact that the rest of us work at this hospital, you’d never see _any_ of your so-called friends.”

“Oh, fuck you, man,” Jensen griped. Best friend or not, he didn’t really want Misha airing his failings, even if it was just the two of them.

Misha chuckled. “No thanks, Jen; you’re just not my type.” He cocked his head to one side, considering him. “Maybe if you shaved your head and I was really, really drunk I could go for you. But that’s a big maybe.”

Jensen flipped him off and closed his eyes again, trying to tune him out.

But when he heard Misha sigh, he knew the light and playful banter was gone, and he braced himself for another of Misha’s ‘talks’.

“Seriously, Jen, you’ve got to stop burying yourself in work and get out there and meet people.”

“I don’t want to meet people,” Jensen snapped, his annoyance growing only because he knew Misha was right.

“You were doing so well,” Misha pointed out. “That’s what I don’t understand. What happened, Jen?”

“Cameron and Layla happened,” Jensen said, and he couldn’t help but smile as he thought of Jeff and Kelly’s beautiful children.

He could almost hear Misha frown. “What do Jeff’s kids have to do with your moping?”

“I’m never gonna have someone like that, someone I can think about having kids with. So why bother with any of it?”

“So you’re just gonna be one of those guys who gets up in the morning, goes to work, comes home, and then does the whole thing again the next day? Jesus, Jen, that’s pathetic.”

Jensen shrugged. “What else is there?”

“Um, how about your friends, for one thing? I’m getting really sick of listening to Chris bitching about how much he misses you.”

Jensen sighed and opened his eyes to see Misha staring at him. “I’m sorry,” he said honestly. “I’m just not really feeling myself right now; I’ll be okay in a couple days.” Misha gave him a look that said he didn’t believe him even a little bit, and Jensen rolled his eyes. “I already told Jeff I’d meet you guys at Morgan’s if I get off early, okay? I promise I’ll try to make it.”

Misha still didn’t look convinced, but he let it go as he grabbed his things from his locker.

“You know, if you were really worried about me you could stay on shift and keep me company,” Jensen said sweetly. “And stop me from killing Lauren when she starts with that God-awful fake-Texan accent she thinks is so fucking funny.” Really, Jensen loved Lauren Cohen, another doctor in the ER, but she thought she was hilarious when she really wasn’t.

Misha snorted. “Nice try, Freckles. I have a beer with my name on it waiting for me at Morgan’s, and I am not going to let Chris drink it just to baby-sit your ugly ass.”

Jensen put a hand to his chest, feigning hurt. “Hey, man. Where’s the love?”

Misha simply dropped a kiss on Jensen’s forehead and waltzed out the door.

Jensen sat in the break room for another ten minutes before he was forced to finish up his nasty coffee and get back on shift.

He paused just before he got to the nurses’ station, and gazed at the number of white lab coats clustered behind it, all of who looked bored to tears.

“What the fuck?” Jensen said to himself.

“Yeah,” a sweet voice drawled next to him, “we’re a little over-staffed tonight.”

Jensen looked down to see Alexis standing next to him. She barely came up to his collarbone.

“Why did Michael ask me to work tonight if half the staff is here?” Jensen asked. Seriously, it looked as though the only ER doctor not currently standing by the nurses’ station twiddling his thumbs was Justin.

Alexis shrugged. “I think he just needs you to feel like you’re important to him.”

“Important my ass,” Jensen griped. “How many of them are working overtime?”

Alexis held up her hands in surrender. “Don’t ask me. I’m just a nurse. I don’t know what goes on in your little doctor world.”

Jensen watched her wander off towards one of the curtained off cubicles before he took a deep breath and made his way towards the gathered doctors.

Michael Weatherly, his chief resident, smiled knowingly at him. “There’s my boy.”

Jensen glared. “Seriously, Michael, what the hell? Why did you ask me to work? You clearly don’t need me here.”

“Of course I need you here!” Michael exclaimed. “You’re the only one who can keep me sane.”

“I heard that,” Danneel grumbled, but she seemed to be the only one. The rest of the doctors currently on staff were too busy with their own conversations to pay attention to Jensen’s whining, while the nurses ran themselves into the ground.

Jensen sort of hated them a little bit. At least when he and Justin were working, they made sure to help out Misha and the rest of the nurses if they weren’t that busy. They didn’t think they were above emptying bedpans and checking vitals, unlike some.

He tuned everyone else out and turned his attention back to Michael, who was just staring impassively back at him, and suddenly, Jensen could see it in his eyes, even though he was trying to hide it. It was that same look that Jeff got, and Misha, and Chris and Steve, and to a lesser extent, Justin and Danneel. He was worried about him, about his recent moping and wallowing in self-pity. Making him think he was needed at work was Michael’s way of making sure he spent as little time alone as possible.

Jensen didn’t know whether to hug him or kick his ass.

Instead, he cursed under his breath and ran a hand through his hair. “You know, I had plans tonight, Michael,” he told him, the lie tripping easily off his tongue. “I was supposed to meet the guys at Morgan’s, but I said no, ‘cause I thought you were understaffed and needed me.”

Something sparkled in Michael’s eyes and Jensen had to bite down on the inside of his cheek to keep himself from grinning. He was so easy. Michael was his mentor, he’d been there for Jensen ever since the move from Texas, sort of taken the younger doctor under his wing and helped him settle in. Without Michael at work, Jensen didn’t know if he would have survived the strangeness of the situation.

Michael reached for a chart from the rack and handed it to him. “Guy in Exam Two needs stitches in his arm. Collision with a glass coffee table and they both lost. You do it and you can go.”

Jensen raised an eyebrow as he took the chart. “Seriously? That’s it?” It was a pretty easy procedure, depending on how deep the wounds were and if there was any muscle damage. There had to be a catch.

“As long as you go to Morgan’s,” Michael said sternly. “If I find out from Justin or Misha that you went home, I will haul your ass up for going MIA while on shift.”

Jensen quirked his mouth in a wry grin. “Yes, sir.”

As he spun on his heel and made his way towards Exam Two, Jensen wondered what it would take to get Justin and Misha to lie to Michael. And Danneel. He would probably have to cut Jeff in on the deal, in case he called up to the OR to check on him.

Jensen stared at Alexis's precise notes as he made his way across the unusually quiet ER, trying to figure out what he would find when he opened the door to the examination room.

“All right, Mr. Padalecki, let’s see what we can do for you today,” he said breezily as he pushed into the room.

It wasn’t until the words had left his mouth, until they were hanging in the silent room like unexploded bombs, that Jensen realized what he’d just said.

Jensen stared hard at the chart in his hands, at the name etched across the top in Alexis’s neat script, the name he hadn’t paid attention to as he thought about Jeff and the others. All the air was suddenly sucked out of the room and Jensen struggled to breathe, his heart trip-hammering against his ribcage.

“Oh, shit,” he whispered, white knuckled grip on the chart. He didn’t want to look up, didn’t want to see, because what were the chances that there were two people in the world with that name?

“Jensen?”

The sound of his name got Jensen breathing again, sucking in a huge lungful of air and he slowly looked up at the man sitting on the bed.

The only man Jensen ever wanted to see, and the one man he never wanted to see again, was staring at him like he’d just sprouted wings.

“Jared,” Jensen said, trying to keep his tone professional, but he didn’t think he hit the mark, not with how breathy his voice sounded even to his own ears.

Jared looked away, staring at his hands. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, his voice almost too low for Jensen to hear. “I didn’t know this was your hospital.”

Jensen bit down on his tongue, because that was a damn lie. They’d fought about it often enough.

“I, um…” Jensen cleared his throat. “I’m gonna go get someone else.” He spun around and headed for the door.

“No, wait,” Jared called after him. “I mean, if that’s what you want, but I’d be okay with you doing it.”

Jensen closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. The thought of having his hands on Jared after so many years, even if it was just to tend to the wounds in his forearm, was doing funny things to Jensen’s insides. He shook his head.

“No, I’m gonna get Danneel.”

He left the room before Jared could voice another protest; all but running back to the nurses’ station, he ignored Alexis’ concerned voice as she called his name.

He shoved Jared’s chart under Danneel’s nose as soon as he was within striking distance.

“I need you to take care of this,” he said, his voice strained.

Danneel looked up at him with wide eyes. “Jensen? Are you okay?”

The concern in her voice attracted the attention of everyone else scattered behind the desk, and Jensen cursed them all and their need for gossip. His freak-out would be all around the hospital by breakfast.

“No, I’m not,” he answered Danneel honestly. “Please, I need you to take care of this.”

Danneel nodded slowly and took the chart from his hand, reading the name. “Oh, shit,” she breathed softly. “Jared’s here?”

“Jensen, dude, what’s wrong?” Michael asked before he could reply to Danneel. He figured the answer was obvious anyway.

Jensen turned to look at her and saw the worried expression on his face. “That guy, he…” he trailed off.

He wasn’t out at work, neither was Misha. It wasn’t anyone’s business; their sexuality didn’t impact their jobs, so they kept quiet. The only people in the hospital who knew the truth were Jeff, Danneel and Justin. They were the only people who mattered.

But Jensen realized, as he met the alarmed faces of his colleagues, that he was going to have to explain his behavior, and he was too worked up and emotional to think of a convincing lie.

“Do you know him?” Michael asked, and Jensen remembered he hadn’t answered his question. His gaze turned hard. “Jen, did he do something to you? Say something?”

Jensen wanted to yell at him. Did he really think he would send Danneel in to deal with the guy if he’d done something Jensen couldn’t deal with? But he couldn’t get the words out, so he just shook his head, swallowing a few times past the lump in his throat.

“No, no he didn’t do anything,” he said finally, his voice rough with suppressed emotion. “He’s…he’s my ex.”

Lauren dropped her coffee, the mug shattering on the tile floor. Everyone else was just looking at him with shocked expressions on their faces.

Danneel was rubbing at her temple with her free hand, probably wondering what she would have to do to fix the situation.

“Lemme guess,” Jake said, after what felt like hours of painful silence, “bad break-up?”

Jensen managed a small laugh. “Bad enough that seeing him again can reduce me to this.” He indicated his current emotional state, then turned pleading eyes back to Michael. “Please, Michael, I have to get out of here. I need…” he trailed off, not knowing what he was going to say, but words forced themselves past his lips anyway. “I need Jeff.” He didn’t realize how true the statement was until he said it. He needed his big brother.

The irony that Jeff’s real little brother was sitting on a hospital gurney not fifty meters away was not lost on Jensen.

“Jeff Padalecki?” Lauren asked, reading the name on the chart over Danneel’s shoulder. “This guy’s got the same last name.”

Jensen gave her a half-hearted shrug. “Let’s just say I got Jeff in the divorce.” He turned back to Michael, willing him to understand. “Please, Michael, I have to get out of here.”

He nodded slowly, his eyes full of confusion and something Jensen couldn’t identify.

“Okay, fine, yeah, you can go,” he said, his voice strained with barely controlled feelings. “Just, um, come see me tomorrow. Before your shift starts.”

Jensen didn’t even remember what he was agreeing to, too focused on the dismissal and the need to get away from the painful stares.

The need to get away from Jared Padalecki.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image9.png)

Five minutes after Jensen left, a younger, shorter, decidedly more female doctor came through the door with his chart in her hands and Jared didn’t know whether he should be relieved, upset, or angry.

Anything would be better than the hollow emptiness that he usually felt.

It wasn’t like he expected Jensen to come back. Why would he want to see Jared anyway? Why would anyone?

“You must be Danneel,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. Trying to ignore the voice in the back of his head that was screaming at him to get up and run after Jensen.

“I’m Dr. Harris,” she said icily and Jared winced at her tone.

“Friend of Jensen’s?” he snapped, unable to keep his raging emotions under control. He supposed Jensen would have to tell them something to explain why he’d run from Jared like he was running from the plague.

“Dr. Ackles is a very good friend of mine, yes,” Danneel said as she pulled up a stool to sit in front of him. “I’d just like to point out that every instinct in my body is telling me to kick you out of here without treatment. The only reason I’m sitting here is because Jensen specifically asked me to take care of this.”

Jared deflated, all the fight draining out of him. “I wouldn’t blame you if you did kick me out.”

He knew it was a risk, coming to Massachusetts General after he’d tripped over Harley and caught himself on that stupid glass coffee table. Of course, the damn thing had shattered under his weight, shards embedding themselves in his hand and forearm and forcing him to seek medical help.

He just didn’t expect to run straight into Jensen in the middle of the ER.

“I didn’t know he would be here,” Jared said softly, interrupting the strained silence that had descended as Danneel unwrapped the towel he’d used to stem the bleeding and surveyed the cuts.

“At MGH?” she asked, her eyes never straying from his arm. “Can you extend your fingers please?”

Jared did as she asked, then shook his head. “In the ER. I always thought he would specialize in something, you know? Surgery, or pediatrics. Something. He never really seemed the type for trauma medicine.”

Jared remembered his soft, shy, delicate Jensen, and couldn’t imagine him in the middle of some emergency, barking orders.

“He’s one of our best doctors,” Danneel said. “Our most dedicated. Make a fist with your thumb tucked inside.” Jared complied, and she ‘hmm’d’ before she continued. “Besides, Jeff’s the surgeon in the family. I think he wanted to make his own name for himself, you know? Not have everyone thinking he was following in his big brother’s footsteps, riding his coattails.”

Her words were supposed to sting, Jared knew, to force him to see that Jeff was clearly Jensen’s family and not his. But Jared had known for years how Jensen and Jeff felt about each other.

Hell, Josh was the same when it came to Jared.

“We used to kid around, when we were younger, that Jen and I were born to the wrong families. He was supposed to be a Padalecki and I was supposed to be an Ackles.” He shrugged. “I guess Jensen’s trying to prove that his big brother had raised him to be his own man.”

Danneel glanced up at him, frowning, as if she was unsure about Jared all of a sudden. “How long have you guys known each other? They don’t talk about you much.”

“We met when we were twelve. Started dating when we were seventeen.” Jared paused, thinking back. “Well, he was seventeen, I was sixteen. Broke up when he moved out here for his residency.”

Danneel blinked. “Wow, that’s…you were together for twelve years. That’s a long time.”

Jared nodded. “I haven’t spoken to Jensen since the day I told him I wasn’t moving with him. Haven’t spoken to Jeff much, either. He took Jensen’s side.”

“There were sides?”

“I refused to move out here with him and wouldn’t give him a valid reason,” Jared said bluntly. “Of course there were sides.”

Danneel said nothing, just carried on with the examination of his arm. “Can you touch every fingertip with your thumb?”

Jared did as she asked, and felt the pull of the cuts on his skin, but everything seemed to be working, and Danneel appeared happy with what she saw.

She stood up and walked to the other side of the room, hunting through something Jared couldn’t see, and returned with a syringe in her gloved hand.

“I’m gonna freeze the area so that the nurse can go ahead and remove the glass, and then get on with the sutures. I don’t see any nerve damage and there’s no arterial bleeding, so I don’t think you’ve done any major harm,” she told him carefully.

Jared winced as she injected him with whatever it was she was using to numb his arm.

“So, what happened?” Danneel looked up at him through her lashes, and Jared could tell she was interested despite herself. She pressed on. “Why didn’t you move with him?”

Jared sighed. He never spoke about his reasons for remaining in Texas; not even Chad knew all the details. Not that Chad was talking to him any more than Jeff at this point, but still, he didn’t know the truth.

He shrugged in answer, and winced as Danneel pulled the needle roughly out of his skin. It was painfully obvious that she wasn’t going to accept that as an answer.

“I did something,” he said calmly, “something pretty bad, and I deserved to be punished for it. The best punishment I could come up with was denying myself the one thing I loved more than life itself. That was why I stood in a parking lot and watched my soul mate get on a plane and fly thousands of miles to the other side of the country and did nothing to stop him.”

“Okay,” Danneel said slowly. “But, Jared, it’s been four years. Haven’t you punished yourself enough? Punished both of you enough?” She blushed and looked away. “I’m sorry. Jensen’s friend or not, I’m still a stranger to you, you don’t need me trying to give you advice.”

Jared cringed. Not from Danneel’s comments, because at this point, he just didn’t care. He just didn’t like the thought of Jensen being punished for his mistakes. “No, I haven’t been punished nearly enough. What I did was unforgivable.” Jared felt tears sting at the back of his eyes, the usual reaction he had whenever he thought about what he had done to Jensen. “Jensen deserves to have someone in his life who is worthy of his love and his trust. And that person is not me.”

“Did you come to Boston to try to win him back?” Danneel was sitting up straight in her chair, and Jared stared hard at his ripped and torn flesh.

“Win him back?” he repeated with a humorless chuckle. “No, I don’t deserve that. I’d like to maybe try to be his friend again. We were good friends before we were anything else. But that’s not why I came here.”

Danneel smiled at him and Jared could see no trace of the icy, protective friend she had been when she walked through the door. “You’re not gonna come in here every week with another new injury just to get a look at Jensen, are you? ‘Cause I think I might have to report that to someone.”

There was laughter in her voice and Jared grinned. “No, nothing like that. If Jensen wants to talk, to try the friends thing again, then that’ll be awesome. If not, I’ll know where I stand. And I can’t really blame him if he didn’t.”

Danneel was nodding thoughtfully when Jared pulled his eyes away from his injured arm to look at her, like she was trying to figure something out and she wasn’t all that confident in her findings.

“I hope everything works out for you,” she said kindly, ripping off her gloves.

“Is he happy?” Jared asked suddenly. He didn’t mean to ask, but it was like the words refuse to stay behind his lips, like he needed to know that Jensen was at least happy after all the shit Jared had put him through in Texas.

Danneel sighed and it really wasn’t what Jared wanted to hear.

“He’s…content, you know? He loves his job, he loves his friends. Content.”

Hope rose in Jared’s heart, even though he knew he had absolutely no right to feel anything of the sort. “So, he’s not seeing anyone?”

He could see the sympathy reflected in Danneel’s eyes and he knew what she was going to say before she spoke.

“There’s…someone, yeah. I don’t know how serious they are, I mean, they don’t talk about it. Only their best friends know, no one else at the hospital but me, Jeff and Misha, but they’ve been together for a while.”

“He works at the hospital?” Jared asked, confused. He never would have guessed that Jensen would be the type to mix work and a relationship.

But people could change a lot in four years.

“He’s a doctor, yeah,” Danneel said. “Transferred here from Illinois a few months after Jensen. He and Jen just sorta hit it off, you know?”

Jared nodded. Yeah, he knew.

Danneel took a deep breath and stood up, pushing the stool back into the corner of the room. “A nurse’ll be in soon to take care of the stitches. I’ll leave a prescription for you at the pharmacy, some pain killers and antibiotics, but you should be fine.” She looked over the chart she’d retrieved, flicking through the notes to make sure she didn’t miss anything. “Everything else looks good. The stitches can be taken out in ten or twelve days, but if you experience any numbness or tightness in the muscles, please come back in. But apart from a few impressive scars, you shouldn’t have any permanent damage.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Scars. Great. Sandy will just love that.”

Sandy found fault with everything he did, and he could just imagine her reaction to the situation. She’d take it as a personal insult, she’d think that Jared got hurt and permanently disfigured on purpose.

“Sandy?” Danneel asked, and the blush that crept up her face told Jared that she knew it wasn’t her place to ask.

Still, for some reason he thought that it was better for Jensen to hear it from a good friend rather than Jared, who he was likely to maim.

“Yeah, Sandy. My _girlfriend_.” He almost choked on the word. “She’s a journalist for the _Boston Herald_.”

“Oh,” Danneel said, her voice completely devoid of emotion. “How nice.” She tucked Jared’s chart underneath her arm and headed for the door. “Take care of yourself, Mr. Padalecki. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

Jared sighed as the door swung shut behind her with a bang, and he realized he’d just lost the one person in Jensen’s life who might have become his ally in this situation.

The nurse who came in a few minutes later simply smiled tightly at him and set about her work.

She didn’t speak to him at all, and Jared found that he couldn’t really blame her.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image9.png)

Jensen didn’t remember the last time he showered, changed and left the hospital inside ten minutes. Probably because it never happened before.

It was like some part of his mind refused to let him spend any more time than absolutely necessary in the same building as Jared, and Jensen was not in a position to disagree.

He left his car in the staff parking lot and started walking the two or so miles to Morgan’s. There was no parking at Morgan’s and Jensen really didn’t plan to be in a fit state to drive when it was time to go home anyway. He planned to be just drunk enough where Jeff won’t let him go home alone because he was scared Jensen would drown in his own puke, so he’d have to crash on Chris and Steve’s couch because he refused to introduce his godson to the wonders of alcohol at quite such a young age.

Jensen needed as much alcohol as humanly possible to blot out the night’s events, and he wasn’t stopping until he couldn’t remember his _own_ name, let alone Jared’s.

His cell phone rang when he was about two blocks from the bar. He could see the sign for Morgan’s Tavern from where he was standing, and he groaned at the delay of his alcohol.

When he finally fished his phone out of his pocket, he found Danneel’s name that was flashing across the screen. He really didn’t want to hear what she had to say.

 _“I know I’m probably the last person you want to talk to_ ,” she said as soon as he answered. She paused. _“Well, okay, second-to-last.”_

Jensen sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Then make it quick, Danni.”

She took a deep breath. _“I told your boy you were seeing someone, so play along and don’t make me out to be an over-protective bitch.”_

Jensen felt his stomach drop. “You did what?!”

 _“He was acting all hurt and innocent, like he didn’t do anything wrong!”_ she yelled down the line. _“He needed to know that you’d moved on, even if you so clearly haven’t.”_

“Who did you…did you make someone up?”

Danneel sucked in a breath. _“I have three reasons for this phone call. Me telling Jared you were seeing someone was number one. Number two is who I told him you were seeing.”_

Jensen groaned. “You didn’t tell him I was dating a girl, did you? ‘Cause he’s never gonna believe that.”

He could almost hear Danneel rolling her eyes. _“No. Jensen, I’ve known you for more than three years, give me a little credit here.”_

“Sorry,” Jensen said, breathing a little easier. “So, who did you say I was seeing? He knows Misha, and he knows that I’m not Misha’s type, so he won’t buy that either.”

 _“Please!”_ Danneel exclaimed. _“Like Misha would let me get away with that anyway.”_

“Danni, who did you tell Jared I was dating?”

_“I said it was another ER doctor who transferred to Boston from Illinois a few months after you moved here.”_

Jensen’s jaw hit somewhere around his knees. “You told him I was dating _Justin_?!”

 _“At least you know he’ll play along!”_ Danneel screeched. _“He’s one of our best friends; he’ll be okay with this.”_

“Yeah, I know, but Jesus Christ, Danneel, you know he is so not my type.” Jensen rubbed at his forehead. Justin, poor, straight-as-an-arrow Justin, really wasn’t cut out for acting, something they found out when he had to pretend to be a patient for Lauren’s induction.

 _“I told him I was the only one at work who knew, so you don’t need to let anyone else in on the plan,”_ Danneel went on gently. _“I mean, obviously you’ll tell Misha and Jeff, but other than that, it’ll be just us.”_

Jensen took a deep breath, letting the action calm him some before he remembered that Danneel had said there were three things she had to tell him. “So, what’s number three?”

She paused for a few seconds. _“This is the hardest one.”_

Jensen knew what she was going to say, he could tell by the tone of her voice. “Jared’s seeing someone.”

_“Yeah.”_

“Girl or guy?”

 _“Girl. Sandy. She’s a journalist for the_ Boston Herald _.”_

Jensen snorted. “So, he couldn’t move to Boston for me, his boyfriend of twelve years, but he can for some chick I don’t even know? Nice to know where I stand, I guess.”

_“I’m sorry, Jen.”_

“Yeah.” Jensen turned to look back at Morgan’s, imagining everyone inside, the most important people in his life apart from the one on the phone.

“Listen, Danni, I’m gonna go inform Justin of his new relationship. Are you gonna drop by when you’re finished?”

He could almost hear Danneel shaking her head.

_“Nah, I’m here ‘til, like, four in the morning or something. I’m covering for Julie.”_

“Alright, well, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, yeah?”

_“Yeah. You know where I am if you wanna talk.”_

“Thanks, Danneel.”

They said their goodbyes and hung up, and Jensen tried to brace himself for what he would face when he stepped into the bar.

He stopped off at the ATM before he pushed his way through the crowd of people packed into Morgan’s. He caught JD’s eyes over the top of the bar, and the owner of Morgan’s Tavern nodded his head towards the back of the room, and Jensen followed his gaze until he spotted the back of Jeff’s head.

Jensen flopped down in a chair next to Chris and purposely avoided Jeff on his other side, even as the rest of his friends conveyed their surprise at his early arrival.

He downed one of the shots on the table, not really caring who it belonged to, and chased it with Jeff’s beer. He let out a quick breath and pulled the money he had withdrawn from the ATM out of his pocket and slammed it down onto the table, leveling his eyes at Justin.

“I will pay you three hundred bucks right now if you pretend to be my boyfriend if anyone comes by the hospital and asks.”

The spray of beer Chris spat across the table, narrowly avoiding Misha, would have been funny in any other situation.

Justin stared at him like he didn’t even know who Jensen was.

“What the hell happened after I left the hospital?” Misha asked.

“Explain,” Steve said, more of an order than a request.

Jensen kept his gaze locked on Justin. If he looked at Chris or Steve, and especially Jeff, he knew he’d lose the little bit of control he’d managed to hold onto.

“I came out at work today,” he said, his voice eerily calm even to his own ears. “Everyone knows.”

“What?” Chris said, obviously startled at the news. “I thought you and Misha had decided to keep your sexuality quiet?”

Jensen shrugged. “It’s really hard to stay in the closet when your ex-boyfriend shows up and you completely freak out.”

Jensen let his gaze leave Justin and he stared at the tabletop. Another shot was pushed under his nose, and he thanked whoever handed it over before he downed it quickly.

“Jensen,” Jeff said carefully and Jensen winced. “You only have one ex-boyfriend.”

“Yeah, ain’t that a bitch.” Jensen finally turned to look at Jeff and he could see the conflict on his friend’s face, and he suddenly realized how hard the whole situation must have been on Jeff, Chris and Steve, too, and he felt slightly guilty for not understanding sooner.

“Jared’s in town?” Jeff asked after a few minutes of painful silence, although it was clear to Jensen that he already knew the answer.

“Came by the hospital,” Jensen said with a nod.

Chris narrowed his eyes at Jensen. “To see you?”

“No, he had an accident. Cut his arm up pretty bad.”

“Is he okay?” Jeff’s voice was strained, like he wasn’t sure who he should be more concerned about, the brother he chose, or the one that shared his blood.

“I don’t know,” Jensen admitted. “Michael asked me to take this one patient, and then I could go home. But I didn’t read the name on the chart before I went into the exam room.”

“Shit,” Steve breathed, “it was him?”

“Yep, hence the freak-out. I asked Danni to take care of it. She called when I was on my way over here. She didn’t say he bled out or anything, so I’m assuming he’s still alive.”

Justin shook his head a little, like he was shaking himself out of a deep sleep. “Can we go back to the part about paying me to be your boyfriend?”

Jensen was surprised to find a soft chuckle escape his lips. He didn’t realize he was still capable of smiling at that particular moment.

“Don’t blame that on me. This is all Danneel’s fault. She told Jared I was seeing a doctor who transferred from Illinois. You’re the only one who fits that description.”

“Why did Danneel feel she needed to tell Jared you were seeing someone?” Misha asked.

“She said something about him acting all hurt, like he was the injured party,” Jensen shrugged again. “I dunno, maybe he thinks he is the one who was wronged. She said he needed to know that I’d moved on. He clearly has.”

Chris snorted. “Yeah, ‘cause behold the obviousness of your moving on,” he said sarcastically. He paused, as if he was running Jensen’s words over in his head. “Wait, why does she think Jared’s moved on?”

Jensen stared down at his bottle. “He’s seeing someone. Some girl called Sandy. She works for the _Boston Herald_.”

Even out of the corner of his eye, Jensen could see the anger closing in over Jeff’s face.

“I’m going to kill him,” he spat, his fingers tightening on his own beer bottle.

“Get in line,” Chris added with a growl.

“He can’t move out here for Jensen, but he can move for some bitch he hasn’t seen fit to tell me about?” Jeff said, his voice growing loud.

Steve narrowed his eyes at the elder Padalecki. “In all fairness, when was the last time you spoke to Jay for him to be able to tell you anything?”

Jensen couldn’t help but smirk. Steve and Jared had always been the closest out of all of them, apart from Jared and Jensen, obviously. It stood to reason that, even after four years, Steve would still stand up for his friend.

Jeff averted his gaze, suitably chastened. “That’s not the point, Steve. Josh could have told me.”

“Do you think he’s here to see you?” Misha asked, drawing the topic of conversation back to Jared.

Jensen sighed. “I dunno. He seemed pretty surprised to see me. Almost as surprised as I was to see him.”

Jeff groaned and let his head fall into his hands. “I wish I’d had a heads up about this. At least then I could have been at least a little prepared.” He looked at Jensen with sadness in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Jen.”

Jensen managed another small smile. “Hey, come on now, I’m a big boy. I can deal with this. It was just a bit of a shock, is all. Like you said, I could have handled it better had I known it was coming, but we can’t dwell on what might have been. Me of all people should know that.” He tipped his beer at Justin. “Besides, I get a new squeeze out of this deal. Your place or mine, sweetheart?”

Justin scowled at him and tossed the money back across the table. “I feel like enough of a whore doing this, I don’t need you paying me for it.”

“Just make sure to keep Jared and Justin apart,” Steve said with a grin. “Justin can’t lie for shit.”

Misha laughed. “Better work on your PDA, Hartley.”

Justin winked at him. “How about I work on my PDA with you, Collins?”

Misha grinned into his beer. “Maybe later, if you play your cards right.”

Chris made a face. “Alright, that’s just disturbing. Stop that, right the hell now.”

Jensen laughed, glad to have the spotlight off of him for a second, but of course, it couldn’t last forever.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Steve asked, his voice full of understanding.

“I’ll be okay,” Jensen answered honestly.

“Are you gonna go through with the Justin thing?”

Jensen shrugged. “What other choice do I have? Tell him Danni made it all up and have her come off like a bitch? Besides, what else would I tell him? That six months after we ended things I realized I was never gonna find anyone as amazing as him, so I stopped looking? Yeah, that’s gonna make me look real rational.” He shook his head. “He’s moved on, Steve, I can’t. That’s all there is to it. Now I just have to figure out how I’m gonna live here knowing that I could run into him and his perfect little girlfriend every time I step outside my front door.”

“Don’t you dare turn into a hermit,” Chris snapped at him, his attention diverted away from Misha and Justin. “I will kick your ass if you do, right after I kick Jay’s for doing that to you.”

“I won’t turn into a hermit,” Jensen promised. “I still have the hospital and you guys.”

“Don’t skip out on us, either,” Justin added.

“I won’t skip out. Where am I gonna go?”

“I don’t know! You skipped outta Texas when you broke up with him!”

“Justin, I didn’t leave Texas ‘cause I broke up with Jared,” Jensen pointed out. “I broke up with Jared because he wouldn’t move to Boston.”

“Oh,” he said softly, a frown creasing his forehead, like he was trying to reorganize the facts he already had in his head.

“Look, can we not talk about me and Jay anymore?” Jensen pleaded, snagging a full bottle of beer from the middle of the table. “Let’s just kick back and have a good time, yeah?”

The others agreed and Jensen took a long pull from his beer, downing almost half of it, his plan for getting well and truly smashed well under way.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image9.png)

It was almost three hours after he left the hospital when Jared climbed the stairs to the apartment, ignoring the elevator as always, a little less sober than he was when he left. He wondered briefly if drinking when he’d lost so much blood was a good idea, but then he realized that he just didn’t care enough for it to matter.

Seeing Jensen, even for those few seconds, had messed with Jared’s head. It threw everything out of orbit and sent his whole world spinning in every direction, and Jared didn’t know how to make the pieces of his carefully maintained life fit again.

Jensen had looked good in his blue scrubs and white lab coat, stethoscope around his neck; still as hot as Jared remembered him, and that just fucked everything up.

It wasn’t in Jared’s plan to actually _see_ Jensen, it was enough to know that they were in the same city again. He had, though, and Jared couldn’t figure out what to do now that Jensen knew he was in Boston.

He supposed Jensen would have found out eventually. Jared had made his parents promise not to tell anyone about where he was living, but Josh or the girls would have asked for an address sooner or later, and then they would call Jeff and the truth would come pouring out, and everyone would hate Jared even more than they already did.

Which was exactly what Jared deserved.

Sadie and Harley came to meet him at the front door, tails wagging and woofing up at him happily, and Jared distantly thought that at least someone was happy to see him.

“Hey, guys,” Jared cooed, getting down on his knees to greet his babies properly.

“Jared!”

Jared winced at the tone of her voice; the alcohol burning through his system made everything seem more intense.

It definitely proved the point about not drinking while suffering blood loss.

“Jared, where the hell have you been?!”

“Hospital,” Jared said, voice devoid of emotion. He was too drained from the run-in with Jensen; he didn’t have enough emotion left over for her.

“What the hell happened to the coffee table?” she shouted as he rounded the corner into the living room, the dogs trailing behind him. He couldn’t help but notice the lack of concern in her voice.

“There was an accident. I’m sorry.”

“That coffee table was a gift from my aunt, Jared. How could you?” She was standing in the middle of the living room, her hands on her hips, glaring at him.

“I said it was an accident, Sandy. It’s not like I put my fist through it on purpose.” Jared took off his jacket and threw it over the back of the armchair. He watched as her eyes ticked to the white bandage covering his hand and forearm, but her face remained a mask of fury and annoyance, not even a hint of sympathy, and Jared hated her just a little bit more.

“You couldn’t have at least picked up the glass?”

Jared stared at her. He thought maybe he should be shocked at her selfishness, but after four years, he was more than used to it.

“I’m sorry, Sandy; I was too busy trying not to bleed out all over the carpet!”

She sneered at him, looking at him like he was something she scraped off the bottom of her ridiculously expensive shoe. “You’re sleeping on the couch. Your dogs got hair all over the bedding and I have to change the sheets.”

He had locked the dogs in the bedroom after he’d called the cab to the hospital to stop them getting hurt on the glass, and he was being punished for it.

Jared rolled his eyes, but he didn’t try to argue. It wasn’t like anything would happen if they were sharing the same bed anyway.

He sighed and dropped down onto the couch. It wasn’t like he wanted to sleep in the same bed with her; most of the time he couldn’t bear to be in the same room as her, and sex was more likely to make him feel sick than satisfied in any way.

Jared had only ever wanted to make love to one person, and that person had run screaming from the room as soon as he saw Jared sitting on that bed.

“God, Jen,” he whispered to the room, tears running down his cheeks. “I miss you so much.”

Seeing Jensen again only served to remind Jared of what he already knew.

He was a complete bastard who deserved nothing more than the hell he was living in.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image9.png)

Jeff wasn’t as drunk as he let Jensen think he was as he bundled his little brother into a cab with Chris and Steve, because no way was he going to let Jensen go home alone, not in his current state of mind.

He stood outside the door of Morgan’s and watched the cab drive off, closely followed by Misha and Justin in a cab of their own.

He used the cab ride home to sober himself up a little more, and by the time the car pulled up next to the driveway, he was mostly clear-headed.

The house was dark and quiet when Jeff let himself in, Kelly and the kids having gone to bed hours ago. He left all the lights off until he got to the kitchen, and even then he only turned on the spotlight over the breakfast bar.

He grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and slumped down in a stool, staring at the phone sitting in front of him on the counter. It was almost two in the morning, and Dallas was only an hour behind, chances were Josh was already asleep.

“Screw it,” he mumbled into the darkness and reached for the phone, punching the numbers in from memory.

 _“Josh Ackles,”_ Josh answered after less than two rings, voice completely alert.

“Bit late for you to be so awake, isn’t?” Jeff said, trying to avoid the conversation for as long as possible.

 _“Jeff? Dude, isn’t it like, two where you are?”_ Josh said with a smile in his voice. _“Don’t you have work tomorrow?”_

“I asked you first, asshole.”

_“Big case. First day of the trial tomorrow. I’m just going over some last-minute notes before I hit the courtroom. What’s your excuse?”_

“Been out drinking with the guys.”

Josh chuckled. _“Escaping the baby talk for a while, huh?”_

“Started out that way, yeah,” Jeff admitted. “But it turned into drowning Jensen’s sorrows pretty quick. ‘Course, he’ll never admit that that’s what he was doing. Always gotta insist that he’s fine.”

He could almost hear Josh’s frown over the phone line and Jeff suddenly missed his best friend something fierce. Chris and Steve were awesome, but Misha and Justin were more Jensen’s friends than his, and Danneel was just too fucking evil for him to deal with sometimes, and Jensen…well, he was _Jensen_ , his little brother more by choice than blood.

But none of them were Josh, and Jeff had to stamp down on the urge to jump on the next flight to Dallas.

 _“Is Jensen alright?”_ Josh asked, pulling Jeff back to the conversation. _“I mean, I haven’t spoken to him for a while. God, it’s been months, his birthday, I think.”_

“Why didn’t you tell me Jared was moving to Boston?” Jeff asked, the words spilling from his mouth before he could stop them, or think of a better way to phrase the question.

There was a pause on the other end of the line, and Jeff really didn’t know how to deal with it. “Josh? Talk to me, man.”

 _“Shit,”_ Josh breathed softly. _“He told me it was Cambridge.”_

“He lied to you?” Jeff knew that things between he and Jared were strained at best. Jeff couldn’t get past the fact that Jared had decided to end his relationship with Jensen rather than move to Boston, and the result had pretty much killed their relationship, reduced it to nothing more than a card at birthdays and Christmas.

Jared had even declined the invitation to Jeff and Kelly’s wedding, but Jeff always assumed that was more because Jared didn’t want to upset Jensen that not wanting to watch his brother get married.

But Jeff knew that Josh had stepped in to take his place, much like Jeff had done with Jensen. Each big brother took care of the little brother left in their care, so the fact that Jared had lied to Josh made Jeff realize that Jared knew exactly what he was doing.

“You honestly didn’t know?” Jeff asked when Josh stayed silent. He wanted to give his brother the benefit of the doubt, even though he knew it was probably a lost cause.

Josh sighed. _“Dude, I would have told you if I’d known he was moving to Boston. I wouldn’t have let Jensen walk into something like that blind, not if I could help it.”_

Jeff nodded, though he knew Josh couldn’t see him.

Jeff trusted Josh with his life, and the lives of his family. He knew Josh would have at least told him so that he could prepare Jensen for the possibility of running into Jared.

 _“So what happened?”_ Josh asked. _“Please don’t tell me he just dropped by?”_

Jeff sniggered. Jared probably would have done something like that eventually, had the situation not been taken out of his hands.

“No, it was pure coincidence. He had an accident, showed up at the ER.”

 _“Shit,”_ Josh repeated. _“Bet they handled that real well.”_

“From what I can tell, Jensen freaked the fuck out and bolted. Got Danneel to handle it, a friend of ours. She told Jared that Jensen was seeing a guy called Justin, so if Jared asks, just tell him you wanted to spare his feelings or something.”

 _“Jensen’s seeing someone?”_ Jeff could hear the hope in Josh’s voice and he hated to be the one to crush that hope.

“No,” he said flatly. “Jensen is not seeing anyone. Jensen is never going to be seeing anyone ever again. We both know that.”

 _“No we don’t,”_ Josh sighed.

“Josh, it’s been four years. If he’s not over Jared by now, he’s never gonna be over him.” Jeff felt his voice grow cold, but he couldn’t stop it. “Unlike Jared, who seems to be completely over Jensen, if his little girlfriend is anything to go by.”

 _“Yeah. Sandy. She’s why they moved. New job.”_ Josh’s tone was short, clipped, like he was trying to keep all the emotion out of his voice and only succeeded in coming off as pissed.

Jeff filed the information away for future use.

“Seriously, Josh,” he said, instead of calling Josh on his feelings, “is your phone fucked or something? Can you suddenly not make calls to Boston? Or email? It would have been nice to know about this stuff in advance so that I could deal with the fallout. Chris is looking to tear Jared’s balls off, and I don’t know if even Steve can keep him under control. Even Misha’s set to lay into the fucker. Misha. Whose temper never rises above _slightly peeved_.”

_“I know. I should have told you, Jeff, but I honestly didn’t think it would be an issue. He told me he was going to Cambridge, which I thought was gonna be hard enough, you know? Same State. If I’d known he was going to Boston, you damn well know I would have tried to stop him. Or at least told you so that you could look out for trouble, you know?”_

Jeff let out a deep breath and rubbed at his forehead. “Yeah, I know you would, man. I’m sorry.” He took another sip of his water, a thought suddenly occurring to him. “You don’t think he did this just to get to Jensen, do you?”

 _“What? Move to Boston?”_ Josh made a noise in the back of his throat. _“I wouldn’t put it past him, but I thought he was happy with Sandy. Even if the folks don’t like her. He moved across the country to be with her.”_

“Something he refused to do for Jensen,” Jeff pointed out, casually avoiding the part about the parents. He’d wait and figure that part out later, after he’d spoken to them, both sets.

 _“You think we’re missing something, don’t you?”_ Josh said, but Jeff could tell he wasn’t really looking for an answer, more a confirmation for what he was feeling.

“I don’t know,” Jeff said honestly. “It just doesn’t really make much sense, you know? Jared and Jensen were happy, like sickeningly adorable. But suddenly Jared doesn’t want to be with Jensen, doesn’t want to leave Texas for him, yet moves to the same city for a girl he’s known less than half the time he’s known Jensen? It just doesn’t add up, man.”

 _“We are missing something,”_ Josh said on a sigh, like his worst fear had been realized.

“Yeah, but what?”

Josh just sighed again, like he couldn’t think of an answer. _“I don’t know. Look, I’ll talk to him, ask Chad to talk to him, too, if he can get his head out of his ass.”_

Jeff frowned. “Why has Chad got his head up his ass?”

_“I dunno, they had some huge falling-out a couple years back. Chad said he didn’t want to talk about it, but he told me he didn’t want to be around Jared anymore. I tried to get it out of him, so did Rachel and Mack and Meg, but he just said that if we didn’t know, it was better that we just stay in the dark.”_

“God, how did everything get so fucked up?” Jeff asked, scraping his free hand through his hair. “How the hell did we let all this shit happen?”

_“Well, I’d point out that everything didn’t start going down the toilet until after you moved to Boston, but I don’t want to give you a complex.”_

“Thanks, dude, you’re awesome.”

Josh’s laugh melted into a yawn. _“Man, I’m beat.”_

“Yeah,” Jeff agreed. “Think I’m gonna go crash. I’m working a late tomorrow and I need all the sleep I can get.” He snorted. “If Layla will let me.” He couldn’t help but smile at the thought of his beautiful new baby girl.

 _“Hey, send some more photos,”_ Josh ordered, _“the folks are going nuts because they haven’t seen any recent shots of her.”_

Jeff grinned. “I’ll email some tomorrow.”

_“Alright, take care of yourself, man. And look after our little brothers.”_

Jeff rolled his eyes. “Jared can take care of himself. He brought this shit down on his own damn head. Jensen’s my priority.”

He couldn’t help but notice that Josh didn’t disagree.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

 

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image2.png)

Jensen didn’t bother changing out of his street clothes when he reached the hospital. He was early, and he wouldn’t be starting until Michael let him leave after the meeting he told him to expect before his shift.

He’d been avoiding Michael for over a week, ever since that night in the ER when the bottom had fallen out of his carefully constructed world. He’d been avoiding everyone really, bowing out on jam sessions with Chris and Steve, bailing on family night with Jeff and Kelly. It just didn’t feel the same now that their _real_ family member was only a few miles away.

But Michael had called him before he left home and told him that he expected him in his office before he started his shift, and Jensen really didn’t have any way of getting out of it.

So, he stood outside the office that wasn’t actually Michael’s, took a deep breath and pushed through the door.

“Oh, so you _do_ know where to find me,” Michael said without looking up from whatever he was writing. “I was beginning to think you were avoiding me.”

Jensen rolled his eyes and sat down in the chair in front of the desk. “Can’t imagine what would make you think that. Oh, yeah, ‘cause I was.”

Michael put down his pen and looked up at him. The look on his face was making Jensen decidedly uncomfortable. He shifted in the chair.

“I wish you would have told me,” he said simply, and Jensen’s frowned.

“Told you what?”

“That you’re gay.”

Jensen blinked and cleared his throat to stop himself choking on him own spit. “Um, no offense, Michael, but I really don’t see how that’s any of your business. My personal life has nothing to do with my work at this hospital.”

Michael shook his head. “When it affects my staff and makes you unable to do your job, it’s my business.”

Jensen rubbed at his temple. “Look, I’m sorry I ran out on you that night. It was just a shock and I couldn’t deal. I haven’t seen Jared in four years, it was a rough break-up, and suddenly he was sitting in my ER like nothing had happened. It was stupid and unprofessional,” he admitted, “and I apologize for my behavior, but I don’t see how you having prior knowledge of my sexuality would have prevented it. You said it yourself, Michael, you didn’t need me here that night, so it wasn’t like I was running off and leaving you shorthanded.”

“No, Dr. Ackles, but running scared when you can’t handle your personal problems is more than just unprofessional, it’s downright juvenile.”

“Michael-”

“You have responsibilities to this hospital, Dr. Ackles, and to the other doctors on this staff,” Michael said sternly, his eyes on the paperwork in front of him again. “You can’t expect me to ignore this.”

“So, can I just ask what sort of discipline Lauren faced when she skipped out on her shift that day her boyfriend came to propose?”

Michael huffed. “Jen, she just got engaged; you have to give me a little credit here.”

“So, she’s allowed to get away with the fact that she left in the middle of her shift, which wasn’t overtime, I might add, to have a nooner with her boyfriend, but I’m facing consequences because I got a little emotional over a bad break-up,” Jensen rolled his eyes again. “Awesome.”

“I have to follow the rules, Jen.”

Jensen sighed. “Whatever. So, what sort of punishment fits this crime you’re so sure I’m guilty of?”

“Three days suspension. Without pay.”

Jensen stood up. “Christ, I’m outta here.”

He didn’t even bother to look back at Michael as he left the room, just shouldered his backpack and made his way to the front door of the ER.

“Hey, man, where are you going?” Justin asked on his way in, his scrub pants peeking out from beneath his long black coat. One day, he was going to get caught coming to work in his scrubs, and Jensen really hoped he wasn’t the one who would have to listen to him bitch about it.

“Home,” Jensen said, hoisting his bag higher. “Or maybe off somewhere to get drunk.”

Justin stopped him with a hand on his elbow. “What the hell, Jen? Your shift starts in twenty minutes.”

Jensen shook his head. “Three days suspension without pay for bailing that night Jared showed up.” He looked at his watch. “What time does Morgan’s open?”

Justin gawped at him. “What the fuck? Are you for real?”

Jensen shrugged. “Michael sure was. He wasn’t exactly happy with my less than professional behavior, and said that I need to learn how to handle my personal problems like an adult and not a child. Or something along those lines.”

“This is bullshit, man.”

Jensen nodded in agreement. “Yeah, but what can I do? It’s not like I can just ignore it.”

“Bull. Shit.” Justin said again. “He can’t just suspend you for something like that. Not for a first offense. You should take this to Ferris.”

“Whatever, have a good day at work, I’ll catch you later.”

“Game at your place this weekend?”

Jensen paused and looked back over his shoulder. “Sure man, why the hell not? Not like I have anything better to do.”

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

Sandy’s high heels clicking on the kitchen floor woke Jared from the dream he was having, but he didn’t make any move to get up from the couch, the dogs sprawled out around him. He’d been sleeping in the living room ever since the night he’d hurt his arm, even though Sandy had mellowed some after he bought a new coffee table. Sharing the bed with her now, after seeing Jensen again, was more than he could stomach, so he resigned himself to the couch and all the kinks in his neck and back sleeping on it brought.

Sandy moved through the living room, chatting eagerly into a cell phone, and Jared kept still, his eyes closed and his breathing even. He didn’t really want to talk to her, especially not first thing in the morning before he had his coffee.

Usually, he was up long before her, out for a run with the dogs before she even made it into the shower, so he could avoid her until she came home, and he didn’t know why he’d slept in but figured it probably had something to do with the dream he’d been having.

The front door slammed loudly in Sandy’s wake, her version of a wakeup call most likely, and as Jared rolled to sit upright, he wondered if she would be home that night. He wasn’t naïve enough to think that Sandy had been faithful to him in the four years they’d been together. He wouldn’t have been either if it wasn’t for the fact that the only person he ever really wanted to be with didn’t want anything to do with him.

Harley jumped down from where he was sacked out at the end of the couch and padded across the room to the front door, whining a little. Soon Sadie joined him, and Jared couldn’t help but chuckle as he heaved himself to his feet.

“Alright, point taken, guys.” He reached for the sweats he’d discarded before he’d gone to sleep the night before and pulled them on. He slipped into his sneakers, left conveniently by the front door, and grabbed a hoodie before he clipped the dogs onto their leashes and led them out of the apartment to the park across the street.

The apartment wasn’t really suitable for animals, especially dogs as big as Harley and Sadie, but Sandy had refused to buy or even rent a house, and it had taken everything Jared had to convince her to get a place in a pet-friendly building. Harley and Sadie were the only positive things in his life, and even though Josh had offered to look after them, there was no way Jared was going to leave them behind in Texas.

The park across the street was the best he could offer his babies as far as exercise went. He couldn’t let them off their leashes, but he could jog around the perimeter and let them stretch out the muscles they were forced to keep cooped up inside the tiny apartment.

Jared broke into a light jog as soon as he reached the cycle track, the dogs keeping up easily, and he emptied his mind, focusing on his heart rate and the sound of his feet hitting the asphalt.

But inevitably, thoughts of Jensen crept back. He’d tried not to think about Jensen when he’d been out around the city, but he had to think about what he would do if they ran into each other, especially on those rare occasions when he was with Sandy. Jared wasn’t stupid; he knew Danneel would have told Jensen that Jared had a girlfriend. It wasn’t like he could have explained everything to a perfect stranger when he couldn’t even explain it to Jensen.

Jared’s eyes started to dart around the park, looking for any sign of Jensen, although why Jared assumed he would be in a park even _he_ couldn’t answer.

He was so busy looking for clues of Jensen’s presence, Jared didn’t know what to do when his gaze landed on his brother, having a picnic underneath the shade of a tree with a woman who had to be his wife and two small children.

Jared froze on the spot, unsure what to do. He hadn’t spoken to Jeff for…months? Had it been over a year? Jared honestly had no idea. He’d cut pretty much everyone off since Jensen left. Or at least, he’d tried to. Josh his sisters could be real stubborn asses when they wanted to be.

Jared wondered briefly why he’d never seen Jeff at the park before. Did they live nearby? He stared harder at Jeff’s wife and tried to remember if he’d ever seen her before, and he was dismayed to discover that he had. She had been the one to point him in the direction of the library the week after he’d moved.

Jared’s heart hammered against his chest; this was worse than when he’d run into Jensen at the hospital. At least he was prepared for Jensen’s reaction. He knew the man would be shocked and upset and want nothing to do with Jared, but he had no idea what Jeff’s reaction was going to be.

He took a stumbling step back, ready to turn and run and avoid the entire situation, but Sadie had sat her cute ass down as soon as they’d stopped running, and Jared stepped on her tail, and his girl let out a pain-filled bark. Jared cringed and looked back in time to see Jeff glance up; his eyes locking onto Jared like a magnet. Suddenly, all thoughts of leaving vanished from Jared’s mind as he waited for Jeff to say or do whatever it was he was going to.

Some small part of Jared was hoping that Jeff would take the swing that no one took back then, but they didn’t know all the details, they still didn’t, so all Jared could really hope for was some yelling.

Slowly, Jeff climbed to his feet, stepping away from the picnic blanket. His wife stood up, looking between the two of them like she wasn’t sure what was going on, clutching the baby to her chest and gripping the little boy with one hand on his shoulder.

The well of guilt that had built up inside Jared after everything he’d done got a little deeper when he realized he couldn’t remember his sister-in-law’s name, or those of the children in her arms, his niece and nephew.

Jared was so focused on the woman and the children that he hadn’t realized that Jeff had crossed the few meters that separated them and now stood just a few feet in front of him, an inscrutable look on his face.

“JT,” Jeff said curtly and something broke in Jared’s heart a little at the nickname he hadn’t heard in four years. It wasn’t something that Josh had ever indulged in, or the girls. Even his parents had thought he’d outgrown it.

Taking a deep breath, he managed to give his brother a polite nod. “Jeff.” He couldn’t handle the look in Jeff’s eyes, didn’t know how to describe it, so he looked away, down at his dogs who were sitting obediently at his feet, watching the proceedings with growing boredom.

Jared cleared his throat as the silence stretched on. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I’ve seen your wife here before; I didn’t know who she was. I never would have come here if I’d known this was your park. You don’t need me here, taking over.”

“Is that what you’re gonna do?” Jeff asked, genuine curiosity coloring his voice. “You won’t come to this park because you know this is where I bring my kids? You won’t use that gym on the corner because it’s Chris’s, or that bakery, because it’s the only place in the whole city that makes Jensen’s favorite pastry? Is that how you’re going to live your life?”

Jared shrugged, still not raising his gaze, even though the knowledge of Chris being in Boston was surprising and he wondered if Steve was too. “Isn’t that what I deserve? To fit my life around you guys?”

“You tell me.”

Jared said nothing, and after a few seconds, Jeff sighed.

“What are you even doing here, Jared? You lied to Josh.”

Jared winced. He should have known that Jeff would call Josh as soon as he found out Jared was in Boston. He was thankful that Josh was busy with that big case and didn’t really have the time to call him, although he knew he could probably expect Megan or Mackenzie to be screaming down the phone at him before the week was out.

Jeff huffed a laugh. “Yeah, we talked. He doesn’t know what’s going on with you either. Is this seriously about some girl? Did you really move here to be with her? ‘Cause if you did, then fine, I’ll let you go be happy and I’ll deal with Jensen. Again.” Jeff was silent for a second, and Jared risked a glance at him, and flinched at the fierce protective look on his face, remembering the time when that look had been for him, and not just Jensen.

“But if you’re here for Jensen, to try and win him back, you damn well know I’m not going to let you anywhere near him.”

Jared raised his head and looked Jeff straight in the eyes. “I came here because I need to be punished. And there is no better punishment for me than to be near Jensen and know that I can never have him. To know that I could walk into that hospital and see him any time I want, but never being able to hold him again, to touch him or kiss him. That’s why I’m here, Jeff.”

Jared flinched. It was the closet he’d ever gotten to telling anyone the truth, and the urge to just let everything out was almost too much for him.

Jared pulled on the dogs’ leashes and turned them around to face the way they came.

“I’ll stay out of your way, Jeff. You won’t have to worry about Jensen.” He cast a look over his shoulder at his sister-in-law and the kids. “I’m sorry I ruined your day.”

He smiled tightly at his brother and walked away.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

“Punished?” Chris repeated as he handed out mugs of coffee to Steve and Jeff. “What the hell does that mean?”

Jeff took his mug carefully, balancing it in one hand as he cradled Layla in the crook of his arm. He tried to shrug, and Layla stirred. “I dunno,” he said simply.

“What’s he need to be punished for?” Chris asked as he settled on the floor next to Steve, who was playing with Cameron.

“I don’t _know_ ,” Jeff said again, more forcefully than before. “You know I couldn’t always read JT the way Steve and Josh could, and I was his fucking brother. And after four years of never seeing him…” Jeff trailed off and shook his head sadly.

Chris could see the disappointment in Jeff’s eyes, mostly at himself, Chris guessed, but there was some in there for Jensen and Jared, too.

“Maybe he’s feeling guilty for letting Jensen leave,” Steve suggested.

Chris snorted. “Betcha this _Sandy_ makes up for that.”

“Chris,” Steve scolded, and Chris shrugged apologetically.

“I’m just saying.”

Chris looked back up at Jeff, nestled in the corner of the couch with Layla, and watched as he chewed on his lower lip.

“He looked…sad,” Jeff said quietly. “If he was really over Jen, happy with this girl, shouldn’t he look happy? Content at least?”

“How did he look exactly?” Steve asked, and Chris had a brief thought that maybe they shouldn’t be having this conversation in front of Cameron, but then the boy smacked himself on the head with one of his toy trucks, so he figured they were safe.

“Depressed?” Jeff answered, but it was a question, like he didn’t know for sure. Jeff sighed. “He’s not…”

There was silence for a few beats, and Chris thought that Jeff wasn’t going to answer. He decided to let the subject drop, but his lover had no such ideas.

“He’s not what?” Steve asked, and Chris noted the concern in his voice, and for the first time in a while, Chris was reminded that Jensen didn’t just lose his other half in the split, or Jeff his baby brother.

Steve also lost his best friend.

Jeff looked up from Layla and locked eyes with Steve. “He’s not Jay.”

It was the most depressing thing Chris had ever heard.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

“What’s wrong with the guy in curtain three?” Misha asked, his eyes scanning the chart in his hands. He could feel the weight of Justin’s presence as the doctor looked over his shoulder at the handwriting on the chart that Misha couldn’t identify or decipher.

“Guy’s loaded,” Justin answered. “Drink or drugs, I don’t know. He walked into a stop sign, got himself a bloody nose. I sent Alexis to get him some coffee, sober him up a little before I kick him out on his ass.”

“You send him for an x-ray?” Misha asked, scanning the notes he finally realized were in Justin’s messy scrawl, and he was once again thankful for the fact that Justin rarely, if ever, filled out patient charts. If he did, neither Misha, Alexis, nor any of the other nurses would be able to read them.

“No, Dr. Misha, I did not send him for an x-ray,” Justin scoffed. “There’s nothing broken. He’ll just have a couple black eyes and a massive headache when he wakes up tomorrow.”

“You’re an ass.” Misha flipped the chart closed and shoved it at Justin, laughing when he grunted in surprise.

“This way, Mr. Padalecki.”

Misha looked up sharply at the sound of Alexis’s voice, and watched as the staff nurse led Jared through the ER to a curtained cubicle. He cleared his throat. “Dr. Hartley?”

Justin grunted again. “Why are you ‘Dr. Hartley’ing me?”

Misha ignored him. “Alexis? I’ll take care of Jared.”

Alexis and Jared stopped in their tracks. Justin cursed under his breath.

“Misha,” Jared said, startled. “Hey. I didn’t know you were here.”

Misha smiled. “Yeah, not many do.”

Alexis looked from Misha to Jared and back again. “You two know each other?”

Misha nodded. “Yeah, we went to high school together.” He looked away from Alexis to study Jared. “Here to get your stitches out?” Jared nodded and Misha smiled gently. “I can take care of that.”

Alexis simply shrugged and handed over Jared’s chart before she bustled off back towards the waiting room.

“Dr. Hartley, can you take a look at Jared’s arm before I take his stitches out, please?” he asked politely as he scanned Jared’s medical chart.

Justin nodded wordlessly and Misha had to physically stop himself from rolling his eyes. “This way, Jared,” he said instead, leading his old friend towards curtain four, Justin trailing after him on his other side, silently observing. It was the quietest Misha had ever seen him, and he wondered briefly if it was worth trying to convince Jared to hang out just to keep the doctor silent.

“I didn’t know you were here,” Jared said again as Misha settled him on the bed.

“Came to Boston for college, you knew that.”

Jared nodded and Justin pulled the curtain closed. “Yeah, I just thought…I didn’t know you’d stuck around. You’re a doctor, too?”

Misha laughed and shook his head. “Nurse. We have four doctors in our little circle; we needed someone a little lower on the totem pole to keep Chris and Steve from feeling inadequate.”

Jared laughed. “Yeah, I heard Jensen’s new guy was a doctor, too. Must make parties really awesome.”

Justin choked on his tongue as he examined Jared’s forearm and hand. He cleared his throat. “Can you extend your fingers, please?”

Misha glared at him out of the corner of his eye before he busied himself with getting everything he would need to take the stitches out of Jared’s arm.

Jared’s eyes grew wide. “Oh, wait. Shit, Danneel said no one knew. Shit, I’m an idiot.”

Misha gave him a tight smile. “It’s okay. Jensen sorta had to leave the closet the last time you were here. He’s pretty much out now.”

“What about his boyfriend?”

Misha shrugged. “Stand by your man, as the cliché goes.”

“So you know him? Jensen’s guy?” Jared asked, completely ignoring Justin standing in front of him, his eyes on Misha.

“Clench your hand into a fist, please?” Justin asked, and even without looking at him, Misha could hear the waver in his voice, and he was almost sure he’d be able to see the blush on the doctor’s face if he had the courage to look up.

“Sure I know him,” Misha answered brightly, wishing Jared would just shut up and let them get through with him so that he could leave already. “He works here.”

“What’s he like, this guy? Is he…is he very different from me?” Jared asked.

Misha sighed loudly. How the hell was he supposed to do this with Justin standing right there?

“He’s different, yeah. Not as tall. Blonde hair, blue eyes. He’s a nice guy.”

Jared chuckled. “You think he’s hot.”

Misha smacked a palm to his face. “Keep your voice down, Jay, please. Jensen or Justin could be right outside.” He could almost feel Justin’s eyes on him and he had to force himself not laugh. “And I don’t think he’s hot. The guy’s my best friend; it’s a little creepy to think of him like that.”

Misha grunted in both pain and surprise when Justin discreetly stomped down on his foot. Misha didn’t know if it was because he’d given Jared Justin’s name, or because he’d said he didn’t think Justin was hot. He could do nothing but shrug.

Justin shook his head and pulled off his gloves. “Alright, Jared. Your arm and hand seem fine. There’s no loss of movement that I can see, all the tendons and muscles seem to be functioning normally, and there’s no infections around the stitches, so there’s nothing that needs to be done on my end. I’m going to go ahead and allow Nurse Collins to remove your stitches now and just be careful for the next few days. If you notice anything, stiffness, tightness in the muscles, just come right back in, okay?”

Jared nodded. “Thank you, Dr. Hartley.”

Justin smiled and turned to Misha. “Your patient, Nurse Collins. And may I suggest you focus more on your patient, rather than gossiping about the other doctors at his hospital.”

Misha blushed at the look on Justin’s face. “Yes, Dr. Hartley. My apologies.”

Justin scowled and pulled the curtain back with a snap, pulling it back in place just as sharply once he’d stepped outside.

“He’s a little uptight,” Jared pointed out, and Misha resisted the urge to laugh hysterically. Instead he pulled on his own gloves and wheeled a small stool over so that he could sit in front of Jared and start work on removing the rows of neat, black stitches.

“Yeah, well, Dr. Hartley’s a stickler for the rules.”

“Ackles!” Justin’s voice was loud enough to carry over the noise of the ER. Misha cringed.

“What?!” Jensen yelled in return. “Stop yelling so damn loudly. I’m on the other side of the room, not Texas.”

“Three hundred bucks, right the hell now,” Justin demanded. Misha laughed.

“What? Why? You said you didn’t want it!”

“Staff lounge. Now.”

“What was that about?” Jared asked.

Misha shook his head. “Nothing. You don’t want to know.”

Jared chewed on his lower lip for a while as Misha snipped at the black sutures.

“I thought he wasn’t here,” Jared said finally, and Misha stopped to look up at him.

“Jensen?”

Jared nodded. “I checked to make sure, when I signed myself in. He wasn’t around, so I thought I was safe.”

Misha looked at his watch. “He’s been in the trauma room. Burn victim, I think.” He looked at Jared carefully. “You would have left if you’d seen him?”

Jared blushed. “This is the third day I’ve been here. I’ve always left before because he was here. He shouldn’t have to deal with me.”

“You could have gone to your doctor’s office, you know,” Misha told him, clipping another stitch. “You didn’t have to come back here.”

Jared shrugged. “I don’t have a doctor’s office. Haven’t gotten around to it yet.”

Misha frowned up at him. “How long have you been here?”

“Couple months.”

“And you don’t have a regular doctor’s office?”

Jared smiled sadly. “I’ve spent most of my days on the lookout for Jensen, so that I can duck into the nearest store, or avoiding my _amazing_ girlfriend as much as fucking possible. Things like a doctor’s office or a dentist didn’t really seem important enough with all that to deal with.”

Misha didn’t know what to say to that, so he just continued on with his job, small silver scissors making soft noises in the hushed quietness of the cubicle.

“How long have Steve and Chris been in Boston?” Jared asked after a few minutes of silence.

“They moved with Jensen,” Misha answered honestly. Lying wasn’t going to make anything better or worse. “They were waiting for him at the airport the day he flew out.”

Jared barked out a laugh. “I just figured, after Jensen moved, that they didn’t want anything more to do with me. And who could blame them, huh?”

Misha ignored the question. “I think they just got sick of hiding, you know? They knew no one would have cared back in Texas, but I think they saw this as a fresh start, somewhere new where they could start over, be open and honest. Even if they were taking half of their family with them.”

Jared frowned. “Sick of hiding what?”

Misha looked at him closely for a few seconds, before he realized that Jared honestly didn’t know.

“Chris and Steve. They’re dating, Jared. Have been since…God, no one knows for sure, but definitely since before they left Texas.”

“Jesus,” Jared breathed. “I did not see that coming. What about all those girls Chris was always parading around with?”

Misha shrugged. “I don’t know for sure, but I’m gonna guess it was his attempt at pretending nothing was going on. Playing straight.”

He felt Jared’s whole body stiffen under his hands where he removed the final stitch, and he looked up to see a horrified expression on his old friend’s face.

“Chris cheated on Steve?” The catch in Jared’s voice was not something anyone would miss.

Misha smiled sadly. “Actually, I don’t think they were all that serious before they moved here. They were just pretending it wasn’t anything more than friends with benefits, you know?”

“Why didn’t they just tell us? Even if it was just fucking around, they can’t have thought we’d be weird about it. Hello? I’ve been in love with another guy since I was fifteen.”

Misha caught the use of present tense in Jared’s outburst, but he ignored it for now. It wasn’t going to do Jared or Jensen any good by pointing it out.

“Look at Chris, JT. He’s pretty much the epitome of the stereotypical cowboy. Can you imagine what was going through his head at the time, when he realized he was falling in love with another man?”

“Steve told me once that he thought he was gay, when Jen and I were still in college. He asked me how I knew, and what could I say? It’s not like I’d been harboring secret crushes on Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp. It was always just Jen.”

Misha smiled. “Sometimes it’s just about that one person. Like it is for Chris and Steve. And you and Jensen.”

Jared sighed, ignoring the statement completely. “All these secrets are really pissing me off. Why can’t everyone just be honest about how they feel?”

Misha set his scissors down and looked up at Jared with sad eyes. “I don’t know. You tell me, Jared.”

Jared shook his head. “Don’t look at me like that, Misha. I never made a secret of the fact that I love Jensen more than anything in this world.”

“Yes, that’s why you’re with this Sandy girl and not him. That makes perfect sense.” Misha rolled his eyes.

“There are things you don’t know, Misha. Stuff that happened that I can’t expect to be forgiven for.”

“Jared, you’ve just finished talking about how you hate secrets and you wish everyone could be honest, yet you refuse to admit what really happened back then. Four years, and Jensen still doesn’t know why you refused to move with him.”

Jared sighed again, more out of frustration this time, Misha guessed. “I can’t explain this to you, man. I don’t think I can explain it to anyone.”

“Jensen deserves to know, Jared,” Misha pointed out as he wrapped a clean bandage around Jared’s forearm. “If you’ve really decided that you two are over, then tell him the truth about what happened back then and let him move on. Let him find someone to spend his life with. Let him see that Justin could be good for him, if only he’d commit himself fully to the relationship, instead of killing time until you come back and sweep him off his feet.” He hated lying, but if it made Jared get off his ass and do something about Jensen, then Misha figured it was worth it.

“That’s never gonna happen.”

“Then he needs to know that.”

Jared simply nodded.

Misha picked Jared’s chart up from the end of the bed and signed off on it.

“You can use some Mederma on the scars. It won’t take them away completely, but it’ll fade them a little.”

Jared pulled his arm away. “I don’t care about scars.” His voice was emotionless.

Misha wondered if the only thing Jared did care about was the doctor on the other side of the curtain. What sort of reaction had they caused by telling him that Jensen had moved on and was with someone else when Jared so clearly hadn’t?

“Alright,” he said for want of anything better. “It’ll be a little tender for a while, so just be careful.”

Jared nodded and jumped off the bed. “Thanks, Misha. I’ll see you around.”

“Hey,” Misha called.

Jared turned to face him. “What?”

Misha took a deep breath, then pulled a black Sharpie from the pocket of his scrubs. He pushed up the sleeve on Jared’s good arm and wrote his phone number on Jared’s skin.

He paused for less than a second before he added another number beneath it.

“This is my number,” he told Jared, pointing at the first one. “And this is Jensen’s. Just in case.”

Jared nodded and pulled his sleeve back down. He pulled the curtain back and stepped into the ER, but stopped short just a few steps from the cubicle.

Misha peered around Jared’s impressive bulk to see Jensen sitting at the nurses’ station, writing frantically on something in front of him.

Even from where he stood on the opposite side of the room, Misha could tell Jensen wasn’t doing anything at all, and had just been waiting for Jared to come out of the cubicle.

Misha gave Jared’s shoulder a squeeze and crossed to the nurses’ station, peering over Jensen’s shoulder in time to see that the doctor had been doing nothing more than signing his name over and over before Jensen closed the file and shoved it in a drawer.

He looked up at Jared and smiled tightly. Misha rolled his eyes.

“Hey,” Jared said lamely.

Misha cursed under his breath.

They stared at each other for several minutes. Misha was just about to smack them both when Jared looked up at him. Misha nodded silently.

“Um, Jen, can we talk? I just…I wanna talk to you. About everything.”

Justin came up behind Misha just in time to hear the invitation and Misha could hear him suck in a breath.

“Um, yeah,” Jensen cleared his throat, like the emotion was too thick to speak through. “Yeah, that’s…I get off in about two hours. There’s a diner across the street we go to. Gellar’s. If you…if you give me your number, I’ll call you when I’m done.”

Jared shook his head. “It’s okay. I’ll wait for you there. I don’t have anywhere else to be.”

Misha watched as he fiddled with his sleeve, and he figured the numbers written on Jared’s skin were making him nervous.

“Okay, then. I guess I’ll see you soon.”

Jensen nodded and the three of them watched Jared walk away.

“Jeff’s gonna go apeshit,” Justin said when Jared was out of ear shot.

“So don’t tell Jeff,” Jensen practically ordered. “I just need some closure. It’s been four years. I just wanna know why.”

Justin shrugged as he sat down in front of a computer and opened up a patient’s file. “Alright, man. Just make sure you make me look good.”

Jensen laughed as he walked away.

There was silence at the nurses’ station as Misha filed Jared’s patient chart and Justin typed whatever notes he was making. At least Misha would be able to make these ones out.

“You gonna tell Jeff?” Misha asked after a few minutes.

Justin sighed. “No. I like my balls where they are, thanks. He’ll kill us both for letting Jen do this.”

Misha laughed.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

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As it turned out, it was almost three hours before Jensen was able to clock off, thanks in no small part to a four car pileup on the highway, so it was closer to four hours after Jared left the hospital before Jensen pushed through the door of Gellar’s Diner. He didn’t really expect Jared to still be waiting, but there he was, staring down into his coffee cup, not looking even a little bit pissed at Jensen’s tardiness.

In fact, he looked a hell of a lot more depressed.

Squaring his shoulders, Jensen headed down the aisle and slid into the booth across from Jared.

Jared looked up, surprised.

“Jensen. You came.”

Jensen nodded. “Said I would, didn’t I?”

Jared blushed. “I just didn’t expect…I thought you’d changed your mind.”

The tone in Jared’s voice was weak and pitiful and it took everything Jensen had not to reach across the table and take his hand.

“There was an emergency at the hospital. Multi-car accident. All hands on deck.”

“Oh,” was all Jared said.

They fell into an awkward silence then, until the waitress appeared with a large cup of coffee for Jensen.

“Thanks, Sarah,” he said politely.

Sarah smiled. “Not often I see you in here without the posse. Where is everyone?”

“Misha was still at the hospital when I left, Justin is off doing whatever it is Justin does when he’s alone, Jeff and Kelly are having some sort of date night, and Chris and Steve have babysitting duties.”

“Aw!” Sarah gushed. “I just love seeing Steve with the babies. He gets this adorable, sappy look on his face, like he wants his own kids, but he’s too afraid to ask Chris.”

Jensen snorted. “I think if Steve wants something enough, he’ll find a way to ask.”

Chris and Steve with kids? That was an even weirder concept than Chris and Steve dating in the first place.

Sarah shrugged. “Yeah, you’re probably right. It’s so funny how Chris doesn’t know how Steve’s got him wrapped around his little finger.” She laughed a little before she flicked her eyes to Jared. “I don’t think we’ve had the pleasure.”

Jensen resisted the urge to sigh. “Sarah, this is Jared. Jared, this is Sarah. Sarah sits in with Chris and Steve sometimes.”

He left out the part about Jared being Jeff’s brother and his ex. He didn’t really want to get into it in the middle of a diner with a girl he knew nothing about past the fact that she could drink Chris under the table.

Jared, ever the Southern gentleman, reached out to shake her hand, but he didn’t say anything, and Jensen suddenly realized that Jared was more than a little uncomfortable with the strange woman standing next to him.

His confident, outgoing Jared was nowhere to be seen, and Jensen was left wondering what the hell happened to him. Could things really have changed that much in just four years? Was Jensen as different to Jared as Jared was to him?

“Sarah, can I get a tuna melt?” Jensen asked to make Sarah leave. “I haven’t eaten anything since lunch.”

“Sure thing, sweetie.” She made a note of his order on her pad and turned to Jared. “What about you, handsome? Can I get you anything?”

“I’ll have the same,” Jared said quietly, and something broke in Jensen’s heart.

“Jared, you’re allergic to seafood,” he reminded gently. He knew a lot of things had changed in the last four years, the evidence was sitting right in front of him, but he was pretty sure Jared’s allergies weren’t one of them.

He watched as Jared blushed fiercely and looked away. “Oh.” He stared hard at the tabletop.

“He’ll have a grilled cheese sandwich, and could you bring water for both of us?”

Sarah added Jared’s order to her pad, giving Jensen a concerned look.

Jensen shook his head and she bustled away.

Jensen waited until she was out of earshot before he leaned across the table. “Jared, what the hell’s the matter with you?”

Jared flinched and pulled away, sitting as far away from Jensen as he could manage in the small booth.

Jensen sat back. “Jesus,” he whispered breathlessly. “Jay.”

A ghost of a smile crossed Jared’s lips. “No’s called me ‘Jay’ since you left.”

“Not even your girl?”

“ _My girl_ ,” Jared spat the words like they tasted funny. “I’m lucky if she even talks to me at all. Not that I really want her to. I get better conversation from my dogs, man.”

Jensen blinked. “Things not going well since the move?”

“Things were never going well. She’s a cold-hearted bitch who does nothing but make me miserable.”

“What? Then why the hell are you with her?”

Jared looked up at him, a determined look in his eyes. “Because after what I did to you, I deserve to be miserable.”

“After what you did to me?” Jensen repeated, utterly confused at the turn the conversation had taken. “What do you mean? Not moving to Boston with me?”

Jared shook his head. “I cheated on you.”

The words hit Jensen like a punch to the gut, knocking all the air from his lungs and draining the blood from his face.

“What?”

“That night we went out to celebrate Chad’s new job. You had that shift at the volunteer clinic and couldn’t make it, remember? I told you that I’d spent the night at Chad’s ‘cause I got too drunk to make it home on my own. But the truth is, I woke up that next morning in a bed I didn’t recognize, completely naked, and found Sandy standing in the doorway of the room wearing nothing but my shirt.” Jared took a deep breath. “I couldn’t remember anything that happened, but it was pretty obvious what I’d done.”

Jensen couldn’t make the words make sense; it was like Jared was speaking another language. Jared would never have cheated on him, whether he was drunk or not, Jensen knew that better than he knew his own name.

“No, Jay. No, you couldn’t-”

“But I did, Jen,” Jared interrupted. “That was why I never moved to Boston with you. I didn’t deserve to be with you after what I did.”

“Jay, if you had just told me, we could have figured this out, gotten through it. You were drunk, it was a mistake.”

“And now I’m paying for it!” Jared yelled. “I’ll be paying for it for the rest of my life.”

Jensen paused, suddenly understanding. “That’s what you’re doing with Sandy? Punishing yourself for a stupid mistake?”

“It wasn’t a stupid mistake. It was a heinous thing to do! I love you more than life itself. Why would you stay with me if I could betray you like that?”

“Because…because I love you!” Jensen was too upset to notice the slip in his tenses. “Because you were drunk! Because you don’t even know if anything really happened!”

“I was naked in someone else’s bed, Jen. I’d say it was pretty fucking obvious what I’d done.”

“So you thought the best thing to do was cut yourself off from everything and everyone you love?” Jensen asked, his anger level rising. “I talked to Josh. He says you barely spend time with anyone. You don’t talk to Chad; you only see Mackenzie and Megan when they force it. Shit, you haven’t seen Logan in almost a year. He’s your fucking godson, Jared!”

“I asked, begged, Josh to choose someone else, but he refused. Hell, even Chad would have been better than me!”

“And what about Chad? Why the hell are you avoiding him? It’s not like you slept with his girl.”

Jared’s shoulders sagged. “I don’t know. About a year after you left he started avoiding me. Wouldn’t return my calls, refused to speak to me. I figured he’d found out what I’d done.”

“And you didn’t bother to find out for sure?” Jensen made a mental note to call Chad as soon as he sorted Jared out.

“I deserved it!”

“Bullshit, Jay!” Jensen shouted. “You are a good man. We could have gotten past this, but instead you had to go and wallow in your own self-pity and force yourself to be with someone you hate.”

“She said if I didn’t she’d make sure you’d never be able to work as a doctor!”

Jared’s eyes grew wide and he rolled his lips into his mouth, like he hadn’t meant to say that.

Jensen frowned. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Jared sighed, all the fight going out of him. “Sandy was the reason you couldn’t find a residency placement in Texas. She never did tell me what she’d done, but she wasn’t above telling me all about how it was all down to her. She said when you finally got a residency offer in another State, I wasn’t to go with you, or she’d make sure you never found a residency position, which would mean you could never work as a doctor.”

If Jensen thought he was shocked before, it was nothing compared to what he felt at hearing Jared say those words.

“She blackmailed you?”

“She said if I told you what was going on, she’d tell you about how I’d slept with her that night. I knew you had finals and shit. If she told you something like that, I knew it would pretty much destroy you; you’d lose everything. So I agreed.”

“And being with her? Moving to Boston?”

“She doesn’t know you’re here. I never told her where you moved to. When she got the offer at the _Boston Herald_ , I told her I was going with her. She wasn’t happy, but she agreed because everyone at the company saw her as this perfect little girl with the steady guy on her arm, the perfect couple. It looked good for her image, and God, does she need an image, ‘cause the real Sandy? I’m actually considering having her x-rayed to see if she’s hiding horns and a forked tail.”

Jared’s joke fell flat as Jensen just stared at him.

“So you moved here to be with me?”

Jared shook his head and Jensen felt his heart sink. He hasn’t realized he’d been hoping for the opposite answer.

“I was becoming complacent. Everything was getting easy, routine. Ignoring Sandy, ignoring everyone, working all the hours God sent. It didn’t hurt anymore and I needed it to hurt again.”

“So this is some sort of self-harm?” Even before Jared answered, whether to confirm or deny, Jensen was mentally racing through the therapists and psychologists on staff at the hospital, wonder which would be best for Jared, who would be able to help him.

He’d pretty much decided on Beth Riesgraf when Jared spoke again, his voice soft and barely audible over the sounds of the diner.

“Being near you, but not being able to have you? It’s fucking killing me, Jensen.”

Jensen reached across the table and took Jared’s hands in both of his. “Okay, listen to me, Jay. Whatever Sandy’s put you through, it’s over, okay? She has no hold over you anymore. I know everything now, right? We can get you away from her, you can come home with me, right now, and we’ll start getting you some help. A therapist, psychologist, _something_. Just, please, Jared. Get up and come home with me right now.”

Jared looked disgusted at the idea. “Wha- NO! Why would you even suggest that? I don’t deserve help. I don’t deserve anything. There is no us, why would you even want that now? After everything you’ve found out?”

“Because I love you! I never stopped!”

Jared shook his head, pulling his hands away from Jensen. “No, Jensen. You’ve got your new boyfriend now, you deserve to be happy with him.”

“Justin? No, Justin isn’t-”

“I know he’s not me,” Jared broke in. “But you can be happy with this guy. Misha told me to tell you the truth so that you would be able to finally really move on, and I’ve done that now. That’s all I came here to say.”

Jensen was going to kill Misha. He was going to strap him to a bed and rip his balls out through his belly button.

“You deserve to be happy, Jensen, and I’m really not the person to do that.” Jared stood up suddenly, spilling Jensen’s now cold coffee in his haste. “I’m not gonna leave Boston, but I can promise that this will be the last time you’ll see me. Goodbye, Jensen.” Jared turned and walked quickly towards the exit.

“Jared! Jared!”

But Jared ignored him and stormed out of the diner.

“Shit!” Jensen yelled, and it was only then that he realized that everyone in the diner was staring at him.

He scrubbed a hand across his face and groaned.

“Everything alright?” Jensen looked up to see Sarah looking at him with a concerned look on her face.

“No,” he said honestly. “Everything is completely fucked up.” Jensen stood up and threw a handful of bills onto the table, more than enough to cover the coffee, food and a sizable tip.

He left the diner without another word.

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“Okay, remind me when we decide to have kids, we’re not adopting anyone under the age of four,” Steve griped to Layla as he buttoned her all in one again after her third diaper change in two hours. “I’m so sick of diapers.”

Layla giggled at him and Steve glared at her. “Don’t try to pull that cute innocent crap with me, baby girl. I taught your brother that.”

“Cameron’s crashed,” Chris called. “What are you rambling about in here?”

Steve picked Layla up from the changing table they’d set up at the bottom of the living room. “Nothing, just telling this little monster that I’m not gonna fall for her cuteness.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right. She’s already got you wrapped around her little finger and she’s barely three months old.”

And wasn’t that the truth?

Steve cradled his goddaughter against his shoulder and moved them both to the couch. “When did we turn into these domesticated, pansy-assed morons?”

Chris slumped down next to him. “Right around the time we decided to stop hiding what we were feeling.” He ran his fingers through Steve’s hair and Steve couldn’t help leaning into the touch.

“I never denied my feelings.” Well, not to Chris anyway.

Chris leaned in to kiss him softly. “I’ll make that up to you. Someday.”

Steve smiled. “You already have.”

They gazed at each other for several minutes, and Steve was sure Danneel would be making fun of them for their love-sickness, and then Layla shifted in the sleep she’d fallen into and Steve pulled away to check on her.

“Never planned the babies, though,” he said, running a soothing hand over Layla’s back.

Chris chuckled. “Not our babies, man. Think we got a couple years before we start thinking about having kids.”

Steve turned his eyes back to his boyfriend. “We’ve been together, properly together, for five years.” Even if everyone else thought it was only four. “When _are_ we gonna think about it?” Steve knew Chris was it for him, he’d known it six months after he’d met him back in college. It wasn’t like he was planning on leaving anytime soon.

Chris stared at him. “You wanna have kids?”

“I always imagined us with kids, yeah. We’re settled here, right? Happy?”

“Yeah, yeah of course we are.” Chris looked around the room. “We’re gonna need a bigger place, though, if we’re planning on bringing up a buncha kids.”

Steve nodded. “I think it’d be nice for Cameron to have a little cousin his age to run around with.”

Chris grinned. “Shit, man. We’re gonna get a kid.”

“Yeah, we are.”

Steve leaned in again, just as the front door opened.

“Hey, hey, hey! No making out in front of my daughter,” Jeff yelled.

“She’s sleeping,” Steve mumbled against Chris’s lips, kissing him again.

“Okay, fine. No making out in front of me. It’s still weird.”

“It’s been four years,” Chris reminded him, even though it was closer to fourteen if they decided to be honest.

Kelly rolled her eyes and crossed the room to take Layla from Steve.

“What are you guys doing home so early?” Steve asked as he burrowed a little deeper against Chris. His arms felt a little empty now that Layla was back in her rightful place with her mother.

Jeff glared at his wife. “Kelly’s having separation anxiety.”

Kelly smacked him with her free hand as she cradled Layla to her chest with the other. The baby gurgled, reaching her arms out to her mother’s face.

Kelly took hold of her hand and kissed her fingers. “Hello, my beautiful little girl. Did you miss me? Mommy missed you so much.”

Chris pulled away and pointed an accusing finger at Steve. “You start acting like that with our kids, we’re getting a divorce.”

Steve felt the blush crawl up his face even as he buried his head in his hands.

“Kids?” Kelly asked. “You guys are having kids?”

Steve nodded. “Thinking about it, yeah.”

Jeff laughed. “Awesome! ‘Bout time I had an ally in the fatherhood stakes. None of y’all have any idea what I go through.”

Kelly snorted. “Just once I’d like one of you to go through what I go through. I promise none of you would be able to handle the pain.”

“Yes, sweetheart, we all know you’re Wonder Woman. I bow before your Amazonian feet.” Jeff kissed her cheek.

Kelly smacked him again.

“So, Cameron’s crashed out in our room,” Steve said, climbing to his feet. “I can go get him, or I can bring him by in the morning.”

Jeff raised an eyebrow. “That cool with you?”

Steve shared a look with Chris, who nodded.

“Sure, it’s no problem.”

“Baby?”

Kelly smiled. “It’s fine by me.”

The front door crashed open then before anyone could say another word, and Jensen blew into the room.

“Jen?” Chris asked, jumping to his feet to stand next to Steve. “Are you okay?”

Jensen looked around the room and the people gathered in it, like he was just realizing where he was.

“I saw Jared,” he said carefully. “He came by the hospital to have his stitches out. We went for coffee.”

Jeff, Chris and Steve exploded, firing questions at Jensen that Steve was pretty sure he couldn’t hear, never mind answer.

“Guys, guys!” Kelly shouted above them all. In her arms, Layla whimpered. “Calm down and let Jensen talk.”

Steve took a deep breath. Sometimes he was thankful for Kelly, Danneel and Justin, people who weren’t around before and could be neutral when shit hit the fan.

Like it apparently just did.

Jensen sent Kelly a sympathetic look before his gaze returned to his brother and friends. “I think…no, I _know_ Jared’s sick.”

Steve watched as the doctor in Jeff took over. “What do you mean sick? Like, cancer or something?”

Jensen shook his head. “No, like depression.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “He said he slept with Sandy before I left Texas, that’s why he didn’t come with me. Only, it was more than that. She was the reason I couldn’t get residency in Texas, and she told Jared that if he didn’t stay in Texas with her, then she’d tell me everything, and she’d make sure I never worked as a doctor.”

Jeff started to shake with anger. “He cheated on you?”

Jensen glared at him. “Didn’t you hear the rest of that statement? She blackmailed him! She could’ve ruined my fucking career!”

“He cheated on you!” Jeff yelled.

Layla started to cry and Kelly carried her out of the room.

Steve shook his head. “No way, man. I don’t buy it.”

“Me neither,” Chris said. “What exactly did he say, Jen?”

Jensen sighed. “The night you guys were out celebrating Chad’s new job. He said he got drunk, like, really drunk, and when he woke up the next morning, he was in Sandy’s bed, naked, and she was wearing his shirt.” He narrowed his eyes at Chris and Steve. “You two were there that night. Why didn’t you take care of him when you knew he was that drunk?”

Steve blushed. “We, uh…” he cleared his throat. “We only hung around for about an hour that night. Until we were sure Jared and Chad were tipsy enough not to notice we were missing.”

Jeff frowned. “Where the hell did you go?”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Christ, man, think about it!”

Jeff’s eyes grew wide as the reason came to him. “You took off to go fuck?!”

“But…but…” Jensen stammered. “That was months before we moved here!”

Chris waved a hand at them. “We’ve been fucking since freshman year, man.”

“Fucking finally!” Steve yelled. He kissed Chris hard on the mouth, holding his face in his hands, ecstatic that the whole truth was finally out.

Jeff and Jensen gaped at them. “Seriously?!” they shouted in unison.

Chris shrugged. “Yeah. Anyway, never mind us, back to Jared.”

“There’s no way he cheated on you that night, Jen, drunk or not.”

“Yeah,” Chris agreed. “We’ve been out with Jared without you, and even when he’s so trashed he can’t stand up, you’re always the only thing on his mind.”

Steve nodded. “Yeah, there was this girl once, couple weeks before that. She was all over him, man; it was obvious what she wanted. And Jared was wasted, and I do mean _wasted_ , and he still said no because, and I quote: ‘why would I wanna sleep with you when I have the hottest guy in the whole world waiting for me when I get home?’”

“Okay, so why does he think he did?” Jensen asked. “Why would Sandy say they did if they didn’t? What’s in it for her?”

“It doesn’t matter!” Jeff screamed. “None of this shit matters. Jared said he cheated on Jensen with Sandy, so that’s good enough for me to go kick his ass.”

“No,” Jensen grabbed his arm. “You don’t get it, she blackmailed him.”

“But if he didn’t cheat then she’d have nothing to blackmail him with! Seems pretty cut and dry to me!”

Steve ignored him. “What else did he say, Jen?”

“He said that the only reason he stayed with Sandy was to punish himself for what he did to me. He moved here because he said it hurts to be so close to me and not have me.” Tears glistened in Jensen’s eyes. “God, he’s so depressed. I don’t know what to do, God, Steve, he needs help.”

“I know, Jen, and we’ll get him some help.”

“I’m gonna give him some fucking help. I’ll help him with all the fucking punishment he needs,” Jeff growled, marching towards the front door.

“Jeff, don’t!” Steve called after him.

“Chris, take Kelly and Layla home,” Jeff said, pulling his car keys from his pocket.

“Jeff, don’t do this!” Jensen shouted. “He needs help, not for you to go beat him up!”

“Jen’s right,” Steve agreed trying to get through to his friend. “He’s your brother, man.”

Jeff turned to look at them, fire in his eyes. He pointed a shaking finger at Jensen even as he kept his eyes on Steve. “That’s my brother.”

He stormed out of the apartment without looking back.

“He doesn’t know where Jared lives, right?” Chris asked nervously.

Steve smiled at his boyfriend sadly. “You think that’s gonna stop him?”

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Jeff’s jeep tore from the underground parking garage of Chris and Steve’s apartment building even as he dialed the number for his parents’ house back in Texas. Normally he didn’t like to talk on the phone while he drove, but considering the circumstances and the fact that neither Kelly nor the kids were in the car, he figured he could let it slide.

 _“Hello?”_ his mother answered after a few rings.

“Hey, Mama,” Jeff said as cheerfully as possible.

_“Jeff! Sweetheart, how are you? How are my beautiful grandbabies?”_

“They’re fine, Mama,” Jeff promised. “Listen, Mom, I’m in a little bit of a hurry. I need to get in touch with Jared. Do you have his address?”

Jeff could almost hear his mom frown. _“He hasn’t given it to you himself? He told me not to call and give it to you because he was going to do that himself once he got settled.”_

Jeff knew Jared didn’t want him to have his address at all, because he knew Jeff was going to freak out and kick his ass just as soon as he found out Jared was in Boston.

No one knew Jeff better than his little brother.

“Come on, Mom,” he said with a sigh, “you know Jared and I ain’t exactly on speaking terms after what happened. He probably didn’t want me to have it.”

_“So why do you have to go see him? Couldn’t you just call?”_

“This really isn’t the kind of thing I can tell him over the phone.” He was sure his right hook wouldn’t be nearly as painful if it had to be delivered through a phone line.

Jeff took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down.

 _“Is everything all right over there, Jeff?”_ his mama asked, and damn if he didn’t want to tell her everything right then. _“There’s nothing wrong? Kelly? The kids?”_ She paused. _“Jensen?”_

“Everything’s fine, Mama,” he assured. “I’m just trying to be the good big brother here, fix our relationship now that we’re all in the same city.”

 _“Can you fix his relationship with Jensen while you’re at it?”_ Sherri’s voice was tired and strained and Jeff bit his lip against the words that threatened to slip out.

“I’ll try, Mama.”

 _“Okay,”_ Sherri sighed, _“give me a second.”_ Jeff could hear rifling through pages and imagined her flipped through the address book that had lived on the hallway table ever since they moved into the house in Dallas when he was fifteen years old.

 _“Ah, here we are, Jared and Sandy.”_ There was a distinct hint of distain in her voice when she said Sandy’s name. _“3 Avery Street. Unit 304.”_

Jeff let go of the breath he was holding. “Thanks, Mama.” He made a quick U-turn.

_“Jeff?”_

“Yeah?”

_“Even if you can’t fix Jared and Jensen, can you at least try to get my baby away from that awful girl? It breaks my heart to see what she’s doing too him.”_

Jeff sighed and thought about what Jensen said about Jared being depressed and wondered what he would find when he got to their home.

“I’ll see if I can talk some sense into him,” he said honestly, and he was surprised to find that he meant every word. “I’ll call you tomorrow, Mama. I know Cameron wants to say hi.”

_“Never mind calling, get back here and see us. And bring all my boys with you.”_

Jeff laughed. He knew she meant Chris and Steve just as much a she did Jeff, Jared and Jensen.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

_“Love you, baby.”_

“I love you, too, Mama.”

Jeff flipped the phone closed and tossed it onto the dash as he turned onto the street that would take him to Avery, something curling in his gut at the knowledge that Jared’s apartment wasn’t all that far away from Jensen’s house.

Jeff parked at an angle at the front of the building, and swept past the man posted at the door, ignoring his shouts about not being able to park there.

He breezed past the elevators and instead took the stairs two at a time until he got to the right floor, staring at the numbers on the doors until he stopped in front of the right one. Jeff took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down a little before he lifted his hand and knocked on the door.

He wasn’t sure what he was expecting Sandy to look like, but he knew he wasn’t expecting the tiny brunette who pulled open the front door. Jeff stared at her, taking in her cold eyes and her mouth twisted into something that barely resembled a smile.

“Can I help you?” she asked, her eyes raking over Jeff with undisguised lust.

“I’m looking for Jared. I’m his brother,” Jeff said, surprised by how strong his voice sounded.

“Nice try,” she sneered. “I’ve met Jared’s brother and you are certainly not him.”

“Yeah?” Jeff took a step closer, not bothering to hide the distaste in his voice. “Well maybe if you’d paid a bit more attention you’d have realized that Josh has a different last name.”

Sandy glared at him, clearly not used to being told she was wrong.

“Sandy,” Jared’s voice called from inside the apartment, and Jeff took advantage of the foot in height he had on Sandy to look over her head, his eyes landing on Jared.

Jeff barely managed to hold back the gasp that threatened to escape. Without the hoodie that had been hiding Jared’s body that day at the park, Jeff could see how worryingly thin his little brother was. His skin was pale, and there were dark circles around his eyes, like he hadn’t slept in months. Or four years.

“Sandy, let him in,” Jared ordered, but Jeff was already pushing past her, all but running across the space separating them until he could stand in front of Jared.

The big brother part of his brain, the part that had come to yell at Jared for even thinking about cheating on Jensen, was forced away as the doctor in him took over and Jeff took hold of Jared’s face in his hands, angling his head towards the light so that he could look into Jared’s bloodshot eyes, feel the clamminess of his skin.

“You’re dehydrated,” Jeff said simply, letting him go, “and malnourished, if I was to make a guess, but I’m a surgeon. Danneel could tell you better.”

Jared pushed him away and folded his arms across his chest.

Jeff knew what was happening, it was what Jared always did when he was upset or scared, he retreated into himself and tried to make his big body follow by making himself as small as possible.

But standing in the middle of the tiny living room, with all eyes on him, it just wasn’t going to happen.

The big brother part of Jeff’s mind came back online with Jared’s lack of reaction or response and he craned his neck to glare at Sandy.

“So that’s her, huh? That’s the bitch you chose over Jensen?”

“Excuse me?!” Sandy exclaimed. “How dare you come into my home and insult me?!”

“It’s my home, too, Sandy,” Jared said and Sandy snorted.

“It’s so sweet that you think so,” she spat.

Jeff watched as Jared flinched at her words.

“I didn’t choose her over Jensen,” Jared said carefully. “I would never choose anyone over Jensen.”

Sandy’s smile was nothing short of malicious as she circled the room to stand next to Jared. “I beg to differ, darling. After all, you’re here with me, and poor little Jensen is thousands of miles away, crying into his beer.”

“Jensen lives ten minutes away,” Jeff told her, and he watched with glee as her face clouded with indignation.

She whirled to face Jared. “He’s here?! Your precious Jensen is in Boston? That’s why you insisted you come with me? So that you could be near your little boyfriend again?” She flipped her hair over her shoulder, taking a deep breath. “It doesn’t matter anyway, he’s never going to take you back, you know. Not after I tell him what you did to him.”

“He knows,” Jared said, his voice strong. Jeff was almost proud of him. Almost.

Sandy faltered. “What?”

“Jensen. I told him everything. He knows all about what you did, how you said you’d tell him we slept together if I didn’t leave him. How you made it so that he couldn’t get residency in Texas, how you told me not to go with him when he got something out-of-state. I told him everything, Sandy. You have nothing to hold over me anymore.”

Sandy’s anger level rose. Jeff was a little surprised he couldn’t see steam coming out of her ears.

“You pathetic little boy,” she said through gritted teeth. “Why do you have to be so feeble?!”

“Jensen will take you back, JT,” Jeff said, cutting off Sandy’s tirade before it could really begin. “Get in the car with me and I’ll take you to him right now.” It wasn’t what he’d come to say at all, but five minutes in the company of Sandy and all Jeff wanted to do was get Jared as far away from her as he possibly could.

Jared shook his head. “No.”

Sandy laughed. “You know, don’t you, sweetheart? You know that there’s no way little goodie-two shoes Jensen would want to be with you now, now that he knows everything you’ve done. You make him sick, _JT_. You make everyone sick to their stomachs.”

“Hey!” Jeff yelled. “Don’t you ever speak to my brother that way, you stuck-up princess.”

His mama taught him never to speak to a lady like that, but from what Jeff could see, Sandy was no lady, and he already knew his mother didn’t like her, so he figured she’d let it slide just once.

“You make me miserable,” Jared said quietly, his eyes on Sandy, like she was the only person in the room and Jeff wasn’t there at all. “I deserve to be miserable.”

Sandy laughed. “Oh, trust me, baby. The feeling is _more_ than mutual.” She paused. “Actually, no, you don’t make me miserable. You’re too beneath my notice for you to have any effect on me at all.”

Jared stared at her for a second, absolutely no emotion on his face, before he turned to Jeff with the same blank expression.

“I take it you spoke to Jensen? You wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t.”

Jeff nodded. “He told me everything, Chris and Steve, too. Not that any of us believe any of it.” Standing in the middle of Jared’s living room, with that sorry excuse for a woman glaring at him, Jeff knew, deep in his heart, that there was no way Jared would have ever slept with her, drunk or not.

Jared spread his hands wide. “Well? Come on, then. Tell me what you think of me. Take a swing, do whatever you want.”

“I think you need help,” Jeff said carefully, never being surer of anything in his life.

Jared shook his head again and turned away. “I want you to leave, Jeff. Go back to Jensen, take care of him.”

“You should be the one to take care of him,” Jeff tried. “You belong with him, JT.”

Jared flinched again, and Jeff was sure it was the nickname. The younger Padalecki boy hunched his shoulders, curled in on himself like he was trying to disappear and it was all Jeff could do to hold back his tears.

“Please just go, Jeff,” Jared said, his voice cracking with emotion for the first time since Jeff walked through the door.

It took everything Jeff had not to reach out and bundle Jared up and shove him in the car to drive him back to Jensen.

“You heard my boyfriend,” Sandy said, her voice dripping with so much sweetness it made Jeff’s skin crawl. “It’s time for you to leave.”

Jeff glared at her before turning back to Jared. “You know, it wasn’t just your life she ruined, Jared. Or Jensen’s. She hurt all of us.”

“Oh, get over yourself,” Sandy snorted. “You’re as big a drama queen as Jensen.”

“Shut the hell up, Sandy,” Jared said, but his voice was soft, no emotion at all.

With one last look at Sandy, Jeff did the only thing he could. He turned and left the apartment, not bothering to close the door behind him.

He was going to need help if he was going to help Jared.

Whether he got him back with Jensen or not wasn’t the point.

Jeff just needed to get him away from Sandy.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image9.png)

Jared could only watch as Sandy closed the front door after Jeff was gone.

“Never call me your boyfriend again,” he said with as much defiance as he could manage.

“And don’t you make me look stupid like that again,” Sandy spat. “Have you any idea how that made me feel? To know that fucking _Jensen Ackles_ lives in Boston and you have another brother stashed away? One who is far, far more attractive than you could ever hope to be, JT.”

“Don’t, don’t call me that! Only my family can call me that!” Jared shouted; if his family just happened to include Chris, Steve and Misha, she didn’t need to know that. “And you stay away from Jeff. He’s married, with kids. Don’t you fucking touch him.”

Sandy chuckled. “Oh, trust me, baby. Getting rid of a wife and kids would be a cakewalk compared to what I went through to get rid of Jensen.”

Tears sprang to Jared’s eyes and he dropped down onto the couch, his face in his hands. His life was falling apart around him and he didn’t know what he could do to fix it.

Sandy let out a disgusted snort. “You’re so pathetic, Jared. I don’t know how I ever thought you would be good enough for me.”

Her bedroom door slammed loudly in her wake.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image9.png)

Chris settled Cameron back under the covers of the trundle bed the kid was sleeping on in his and Steve’s room before trying to slip quietly back into the bed next to Steve.

His cell phone vibrated nosily on top of the nightstand before he even got his head on the pillow.

Chris snapped it up and climbed back out of bed, laughing softly at Steve’s grumbled protests.

“Yeah?” he answered, not bothering to look at the screen as he stepped out into the hall so as to not awaken the sleeping boys.

 _“Hey, it’s me,”_ Jeff said.

Chris blinked and looked at his watch. “It’s two in the morning, man.”

_“I know, I’m sorry, I just. I needed to talk to someone.”_

Chris had taken Kelly and Layla home after Jeff had stormed out earlier in the evening, and when he returned, it was to find Jensen already gone and Steve ready for bed.

Chris could do nothing but join his boyfriend and try to sleep.

“How’s Jared?” he asked, desperate for news on what had gone down. “Is he still alive?”

Jeff snorted. _“Barely.”_

“Christ, Jeff, what the hell did you do to him?!”

 _“Nothing,”_ Jeff said simply. _“There’s nothing I could do to him that could make him feel worse that what he does right now. Jen was right, he is depressed, but I think it’s more than that.”_

Chris frowned as he dropped into a chair. “More? How could it possibly be more?”

_“He literally hates himself, Chris. He’s determined to heap as much misery and pain and sadness on himself as possible.”_

“What are we gonna do?” Chris asked.

 _“We can start by getting him away from that bitch,”_ Jeff snapped.

“How bad is she?”

 _“She makes Danneel look normal,”_ Jeff said with a huffed laugh.

“Okay, so how do we get him away?” he chuckled. “Kidnap him?”

_“Uh…”_

Chris’s jaw dropped. “Dude, we are not gonna kidnap a thirty-two year old man!”

_“Oh, come on, Chris! Why not? It’d be for his own good!”_

“Aside from the fact that Jensen would never agree to it, you are the only one even close to Jared’s size. The rest of us will have no chance of keeping him away if he’s determined to be there.”

 _“Hey,”_ Jeff squawked. _“I’m bigger than him.”_

Chris scoffed. “Taller, maybe.”

He could almost see the sadness weaving through the phone line from Jeff. _“Not just taller. Not anymore.”_

Chris felt his breath hitch. “How bad is he?”

_“Danni could take him out right now.”_

“Danni sacked Justin during our last game of flag football. I don’t trust that frame of reference.”

_“Alright, Misha could probably take him. And I’m actually not joking right now.”_

“Jesus,” Chris whispered, running his free hand through his hair.

 _“She’s killing him, Chris.”_ Jeff’s voice was thick with emotion.

“From what you and Jen and Danni have said, I think it’s more a matter of him killing himself.”

[](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image9.png)

Jared didn’t sleep at all.

He sat on the couch in the dark with Harley and Sadie and thought about everything that had happened over the last four years, wondering if what Jensen had said at the diner was true.

If Jared had come home the morning he’d woken up in Sandy’s bed and confessed everything, would he and Jensen still be together now? Would they have their own house in Boston with the kids they’d always talked about adopting?

The thought made Jared sick to his stomach; the knowledge that he’d gone through everything with Sandy for nothing was too much for him to wrap his mind around.

He needed to get out of the apartment, maybe go to Jeff, or Steve, hell, even Jensen, but he didn’t know where they were, he didn’t know their addresses.

The phone numbers written on his arm burned like a brand. He could pick up the phone, call Jensen, and ask him to come get him, to meet him somewhere, anything.

Harley started whining, his ear pricking up and Jared knew before he heard anything that Sandy was up, going through her morning routine before she went to work.

But Jared made no move to leave. He didn’t even move from his place on the couch.

It was another forty-five minutes before the bedroom door opened, time Jared spent calming Harley down before Sandy could snap at him again for making too much noise.

But Harley wasn’t the focus of Sandy’s bitching.

“Oh, my God,” she said as soon as she made it to the living room and her eyes landed on him. “Are you still here?”

Jared didn’t know what to say to that. Wasn’t he the one who was just thinking about leaving before she woke up? But he stayed quiet as she went to the kitchen and started the coffee maker.

“You know, I thought you’d finally seen sense last night,” she said through the pass. “Thought you’d finally leave, chase after your brother. But you don’t even have the balls left for that, do you Jared?”

“Not after you cut them off,” he mumbled into Sadie’s neck. “If I’m so weak and pathetic, why do you keep me around? Why did you agree to let me come to Boston with you?”

Sandy appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, looking beautiful and poised as always in her crisp black business suit. “Because look at you, Jared. You’re hot. You have a successful career and we look good together. I needed someone to show that I am a responsible, confident, career-driven woman, but at the same time have a stable, secure home life. And you were – are – so whipped you just went right along with it. That’s all you were, Jared. Eye candy and a way in.”

Jared frowned up at her. “A way in?”

Sandy smiled. “You mean you haven’t worked it out after all these years?” She sighed. “You worked at that paper in Dallas, remember?”

Jared nodded. It was his first real job after college, an illustrator for the _Dallas Sun_. He’d worked there for years as Jensen put himself through medical school. The money was crap at first, barely enough to keep their heads above water, but he’d worked his way up the chain until he was head illustrator, subsidizing their income with private jobs at home.

He’d loved that job, until Jensen left and Sandy took over everything.

“I wanted a job,” Sandy said, drawing him out of his thoughts. “I was a good journalist, Jared, damn good, but no one wanted anything to do with a little Californian girl in the back roads of Texas.”

“Then why didn’t you go somewhere else? Back to California if that’s what it took?”

“Why the hell should I? Why should I be the one to run around after everyone, begging and pleading for them to give me a chance, when I had you?” Her grin was nothing but pure evil and Jared couldn’t suppress his shiver.

“What are you talking about?”

“You were in, Jared. I watched you for months, schmoozing with the editors and the staff writers. They listened to you. They trusted your opinions. I knew, if I could just get you on my side, that you could get me in.”

Jared was horrified. “You used me for a _job_?!”

“Oh, don’t look so shocked, Jared. You didn’t actually think this was ever going to be true love, did you?”

“You did all that, ruined my life, Jensen’s life, for a fucking _job_?!”

Sandy shrugged. “A girl has to do whatever it takes for her career, and if that means hurting a few people along the way? Well, they’ll learn not to be so naïve in the future, won’t they?”

Jared blinked at her. “You slept with me to get a job at the paper. That’s it?”

Sandy stared at him for a few long painful seconds before she burst into hysterical laughter.

“You still think we slept together that night? After everything that’s happened in the last four years, you still think we slept together. Oh, honey, that’s so sweet.”

Jared felt his stomach roll unpleasantly. “What?”

“I’d been watching you for months, Jared, around the newspaper, hanging with all the editors and staff writers. I flirted, shamelessly I might add, but you just weren’t interested. All you cared about was _Jensen_ , all you ever talked about was how amazing _Jensen_ was, you didn’t even _remember_ me!”

“And shouldn’t that have told you something? That I wasn’t interested?”

“I wanted that job! And you were going to get it for me! It didn’t matter what I had to do, I knew you were my way in.” Sandy straightened the labels of her jacket even as Jared stared at her in abject horror.

“You couldn’t even remember my name and I’d been throwing myself at you for weeks. The only thing in your head was Jensen. Even when I spiked your drink and got you so hammered you couldn’t stand up straight, all you could talk about was Jensen, how amazing Jensen was, how much you loved Jensen. It was disgusting!” She disappeared back into the kitchen, leaving Jared in the living room in shock.

She returned a few seconds later with a travel mug. “I slept on the couch that night after I put you to bed. Without all your clothes, of course.”

“You set me up?” Jared whispered, his fist buried in Sadie’s fur. “We never...?”

Jensen had been right.

“No, Jared. We never slept together. Ever. Because you’re too pathetic to get it up.”

“Because you disgust me,” Jared told her honestly. “It’s hard to get it up for someone who makes you physically ill.”

Sandy bristled. “Whatever you have to tell yourself to be able to sleep at night, darling.”

“I left Jensen because I thought I’d cheated on him. I went along with everything you set in motion because I thought I’d betrayed him!” Jared jumped to his feet, advancing on her. “You planned the whole thing; you ruined my life for a fucking _job_!”

Sandy laughed again, clearly not intimidated. “I honestly never expected it to work out this well. I would have been happy with a job at the paper in Dallas. But now, here I am, working for the _Boston Herald_. I’m actually quite proud of myself.”

Jared gawped at her. “There is actually something wrong with you. You destroyed my life, Jensen’s too, and Jeff and Chris and Steve, and Josh, and fuck knows who else! And you don’t even give a shit!” A thought filtered through his anger. “Chad. You…you did something to him, said something to make him hate me, didn’t you?”

Sandy shrugged. “It was easy, really, getting rid of Chad. All I had to do was drop a few hints, let a few choice words slip about how you used his ideas to get that job at the _Dallas Sun_ , how you were asked to bring him on board and you decided that you didn’t want him there, stealing your spotlight.”

Jared stared at her. “You…you did what? I wasn’t even asked to bring Chad to the paper. I would have done that, he’s a good illustrator, he deserved that chance.”

Sandy smiled. “And poor little Jared stopped him from getting it.”

“You ruined his career, a perfect stranger, and you don’t even care.”

“And why should I? I got what I wanted out of you. I didn’t care about Chad, or Jensen, or anyone who wasn’t _me_! I really wasn’t planning on bringing you to Boston, I’d gotten everything out of you I could, but you insisted, so I thought ‘why not?’ You were comfortable, dependable, following me around like a little puppy. It would look good if I was seen to have a good home life. But now I know it was all a sham. You just wanted to be near the wonderful Jensen. It makes me sick!”

“You manipulative bitch.”

Sandy’s face hardened and she stalked towards the front door. “You’re pathetic, Jared. A weak little boy with no backbone.” She glanced at him over her shoulder. “I want you gone by the time I get home from work. I can’t stand to look at you anymore.”

She slammed the front door after her and Jared could do nothing more than stare at it like it held all the answers to his problems.

Then his stomach rebelled.

He made it as far as the kitchen before his knees gave out and he fell to the floor, emptying the contents of his stomach on the tile.

Everything was wrong. Everything had been destroyed and fucked over because of a bunch of lies from a woman who thought of nothing but herself.

Jared pushed himself to his feet and walked out of the kitchen, pausing in the doorway to look around at the sparsely decorated living room. Apart from the dogs, nothing in the room belonged to him. He hadn’t chosen anything in the apartment himself, except the things he’d brought with him for his office, the only room in the apartment Sandy never entered.

Jared let out a bitter laugh. Nothing in his life was his. The only thing he wanted was the one thing he couldn’t have.

Jared’s laugh gave way to tears, his heavy sobs piercing the silence of the apartment.

His eyes caught on the cabinet in the corner of the room and the bottle of Scotch his boss back in Texas had given him as a leaving present and his sobs came harder.

Everything seemed so much easier in Texas.

A surge of adrenaline shot though Jared’s system and he lunged forward and grabbed the Scotch, and then stormed through the apartment to the bathroom.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image4.png)

 

Jensen was running late. He couldn’t remember the last time he was late, or the last time he slept through his alarm, but after coming back from Chris and Steve’s, Jensen had polished off the six-pack of Corona he’d had in the back of the fridge since Christmas.

Waking up with a hangover, even a small one, was a unique enough experience that Jensen had trouble getting moving. Even getting out of bed was a struggle, though the shower did help a little.

But all that meant he was running almost an hour behind schedule, and the plan to call Chad before he went into work was blown right out of the water. As he slid behind the wheel of his car, he hoped traffic wasn’t bad.

His cell phone rang as he pulled up to a stoplight, and he cursed under his breath as he pulled it out of his jacket pocket.

Glancing at the screen, he didn’t recognize the number, but that was nothing new, and he simply flipped the phone open and pressed the answer button.

“Jensen Ackles,” he said professionally as the light changed to green.

There was silence on the other end of the line. “Hello?” he said, voice rising.

More silence, and then someone sniffed.

Jensen frowned. “Hello? Is someone there?”

 _“I’m sorry,”_ a gruff but instantly familiar voice said. _“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called you.”_

Jensen paused. “Jared?”

 _“I’m sorry,”_ Jared repeated, his voice slurred and thick. _“I didn’t mean…I just wanted to tell you…I’m sorry.”_

“Jared, are you drunk?” Jensen asked, glancing at the clock on the dash. “It’s not even noon.” He decided to ignore the question burning in the back of his mind, asking how Jared got his number, and instead concentrated on why Jared decided to call him in the first place.

Jared laughed, but it sounded brittle, hollow. _“Yeah, well, there’s not much point worrying about things like that anymore.”_

“What? Jared, what are you talking about?”

Jared ignored him. _“I just wanted to hear your voice again before I…”_ he trailed off and Jensen heard him take a deep breath. _“I wanted to say I’m sorry before I said goodbye.”_

“Goodbye? Are you going back to Texas?”

Jared pressed on. _“You know, you were right. I never would have cheated on you. I loved you, I still love you so much, and I would never do anything that could hurt you, drunk or not. You were always the first person I thought about, you have been since I was twelve years old. I should have remembered that instead of believing what some stupid little girl I’d never met before said happened.”_

“What she _said_ happened?” Jensen repeated. “Are you saying…are you telling me she made it all up?”

 _“I don’t even remember her,”_ Jared sniffed. _“Before that night, she said she’d been watching me, flirting with me, trying to get me into bed. But I wouldn’t have anything to do with her, my head too wrapped up in you. She spiked my drink, Jen, told me shit happened when it didn’t, but I believed her. God, Jen, what have I done? I’ve ruined everything!”_

“No, Jay, no, okay? This is not your fault,” Jensen said confidently. “All the blame is on her, okay? We can get through this. We can work through this together.”

There was static on the end of the line and Jensen imagined Jared shaking his head.

_“No, it’s my fault! I wanted to punish myself for hurting you, so I stayed with Sandy. But this? This is something I could never punish myself enough for. I believed a perfect stranger over what I knew in my heart. There is no forgiveness for that.”_

Jensen felt his blood run cold, a horrible thought entering his mind. “Please, Jay, please just listen to me,” he tried.

_“No, Jen, no. This is the best way, okay? I just wanted to say goodbye.”_

Tears ran down Jensen’s face and he couldn’t see the road anymore. He pulled over, not hearing the cars honking at him as the wheels bumped over the curb.

“Jared, what have you done?” His voice was nothing more than a whisper.

 _“It’s for the best,”_ Jared repeated.

Jensen looked around the busy street, as if Jared would just magically appear in front of him if he wished hard enough. “Where are you? Please, Jared, I love you, please just tell me where you are.”

 _“I’m sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused you,”_ Jared said quietly. _“I love you. Goodbye.”_

The line went dead.

“Jared? JARED!” Jensen screamed into the dial tone, but he knew it was no use.

His hands shook on the door handle as he pushed the door open just in time to vomit violently onto the side of the street.

He couldn’t think straight, his whole body screaming at him to get to Jared before it was too late, before he did something stupid.

He didn’t even know where to start looking. He didn’t know if Jared’s home was in his name or Sandy’s, he didn’t know Sandy’s last name and how many Sandy’s worked for the _Boston Herald_ anyway?

Jensen grew hysterical, images of what Jared might do flashing through his mind, too many suicide attempts coming to the ER giving him more than enough material to play with. The thought of losing Jared, losing him completely, was more than he could take and dry heaves wrecked his body before he managed to sit upright in his seat again and close the door.

Jensen stared hard at the clock on the dashboard, watching the seconds tick away, watching _Jared_ tick away, before an answer came to him.

“Jeff,” he said out loud, reaching to pick up his cell phone from where he threw it in the foot well when he had to heave.

Hands shaking, Jensen flipped his phone open and dialed Jeff’s number from memory, not even bothering to scroll through the phone book.

It seemed like an eternity before Jeff answered.

_“Hey, buddy, make it quick. I’m just on my way to get Cameron; Steve got called into a meeting.”_

“Gimme Jared’s address,” Jensen all but screamed down the line.

Jeff paused. _“Jensen, I really don’t think-”_

Jensen cut him off. “I really don’t give a fuck what you think right now, Jeff. I need Jared’s address, so fucking give it to me so that I can get to him!”

Jeff was silent and Jensen let out a frustrated groan, fresh tears springing to his eyes.

_“Jen, is everything okay?”_

“No,” Jensen said, his voice tiny. “He called me, Jeff. He called me to say goodbye.”

Jensen heard the sharp intake of breath.

_“Jensen, he isn’t…I mean he wouldn’t do something that stupid, would he?”_

“He was drunk, I really don’t wanna take that chance.”

_“Okay, let me go and see-”_

“Jeff,” Jensen interrupted again. “It’s Jay.”

Jeff sighed. _“3 Avery. Unit 304.”_

“Call an ambulance. Just in case,” Jensen said as he put the car into drive.

 _“I’ll call Steve, see if he can hang on to Cameron, and meet you there,”_ Jeff said and Jensen hung up.

Avery Street was less than five minutes away, but to Jensen it felt like five hours. He abandoned his car on the sidewalk by the entrance, keys still in it, and ran into the building, bypassing the elevators and running up the stairs.

He slammed his hands against the door as soon as he found the right one.

“Jared!” he screamed, pounding his fists against the wood. “Jay! Open the door!”

Silence.

Jensen gasped and sobbed against the door until he managed to pull himself together. He needed to get into the apartment, and he wasn’t going to do that by having an emotional breakdown in the hallway.

Stepping away from the door, Jensen gathered all the strength he could find and kicked hard against the wood, once, twice, before the lock gave and the door flew open.

Jensen stumbled against the door jam, but then he was inside.

“Jared?” he called again, softer this time. There was a whine, and Jensen followed the sound and found two huge dogs sitting outside a closed door.

“Easy, guys,” he said, petting them gently. He had no doubt that the dogs belonged to Jared. He always did love dogs.

Jensen knocked against the door, not really expecting an answer and not overly surprised when he didn’t get one.

Preparing himself for breaking down another door, Jensen tried the knob anyway, and held back a surprised gasp when the door swung inward.

He didn’t manage to hold back his desperate cry when he found Jared lying on the floor of the bathroom, his eyes closed, an empty bottle of Scotch in one hand, a bottle of Tylenol lying on the floor beside him, worryingly empty.

A photograph lay on Jared’s chest, one Jensen had seen hundreds of times before, one Chris had taken of the two of them shortly after their high school graduation, when they’d been caught having sex in the bathroom of Jared’s parents’ house during the party their brothers had thrown for them. Jensen was quickly trying to button his shirt, while Jared just looked smug and happy.

It was one of Jensen’s favorite pictures, but now he barely noticed it as he pushed it aside and fell to his knees next to the prone body of his soul mate.

It had been less than ten minutes since Jared had hung up on him, but Jensen had no idea when he’d taken the pills, and could only pray they hadn’t had enough time to take effect.

The doctor in him took over as he checked Jared’s vitals, the knot in his chest loosening slightly when he found a weak pulse beating against his throat.

“Okay, baby, you have to get up.” He pulled Jared into a sitting position and angled his head over the toilet bowl. “Come on, Jay, you have to help me here, please.”

Jared groaned and Jensen stuck his fingers down Jared’s throat.

He gagged against the intrusion and heaved into the toilet bowl, nothing coming up but bile and Scotch.

“Dr. Ackles?” a voice called from the front of the apartment.

Jensen was never more thankful that Mass Gen had one of the fastest response times on the East Coast.

“In here!” he called through his tears and he looked up when the two paramedics entered the room. Jensen recognized them as David and James.

Jensen reluctantly pulled himself away from Jared as they got to work.

“Do you know what happened?” David asked, a penlight in his hands.

“Overdose,” Jensen choked out. “His pulse is weak, thready, breathing shallow, pupils dilated.”

James stuck and IV in Jared’s arm, he and David talking amongst themselves as Jensen looked on, too out of it to follow what they were saying.

“Dr. Ackles?” James said. “Do you know this man?”

“Jensen,” he said slowly. “I don’t think Dr. Ackles is here right now.”

“Jensen, then,” James agreed. “Do you know who this is?”

Jensen nodded. “Jared Padalecki. Thirty-two. Blood type A. No allergies to any form of medication.”

“Do you know his next of kin?” David asked. “So that we can inform the hospital.”

“I…” Jensen trailed off. He though back to his first year of medical school, when he and Jared had listed themselves as each other’s next of kin on their medical records. It had seemed so absolute, a solid way to prove they would always be together.

Jensen had never gotten around to changing his, too scared to put that final nail in the coffin of his and Jared’s relationship, and he wondered if Jared ever changed his, though it didn’t seem likely that he would name Sandy as his next of kin.

“I am,” he answered David, his voice shaking. “I already called his brother, but I’m his next of kin.”

James frowned. “Are the two of you related?”

Jensen gave him the most scathing look he could muster and he was rewarded when James blushed.

“Jared’s my…” he stopped. He didn’t have a title for the place Jared held in his life, but Jensen knew what he felt in his heart, what he felt when he faced the possibility of losing Jared forever, and he gave the only answer he had.

“Jared’s my everything. He’s been my whole world since I was twelve years old.”

“Okay,” David said slowly, drawing the word out. “Let’s get this guy to the hospital before your world stops revolving.”

Jensen choked on his tears and couldn’t even manage a smile when James smacked David upside the head and called him a tactless bastard.

“Hold this,” James said, thrusting a bag of saline at him. Jensen stared at it like it was a foreign object, not something he dealt with every day.

Together, James and David hoisted Jared’s prone body onto the gurney, packing up all their equipment.

The heart monitor that David had attached to Jared’s chest beeped rhythmically as James set it on the gurney between Jared’s legs, but it was slow and lethargic, not at all the rhythm of a healthy man in his early thirties.

Then they were ready to go, and Jensen trailed after them as they maneuvered Jared down the stairs to the doors of the waiting ambulance.

Jeff pulled up just as they were loading Jared into the back of the emergency vehicle.

“Jen?” he asked, his eyes fixed on Jared’s unconscious body.

“Overdose,” Jensen said dully. “I think I got to him in time, but I-” he broke off in a sob.

“Go,” Jeff ordered. “I’ll get the dogs, take them to my place and then I’ll meet you at the hospital. Chris and Steve are on their way.”

Jensen just nodded as he climbed into the back of the ambulance.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

Danneel caught his eye as soon as David and James pushed through the doors of the emergency room. She dropped whatever it was she had in her hands, a patient chart from the noise it made as it hit the floor, and ran from behind the nurses’ station so fast Jensen saw nothing more than a blur of red hair.

“What have we got?” Lauren asked, pulling her stethoscope from around her neck as she reached the gurney.

“I got this!” Danneel yelled at her, hip-checking her out of the way.

Lauren squawked indignantly, but no one paid her any attention, Danneel focused solely on Jared, Jensen focused on the redhead.

“What happened?” she asked, studying the unconscious man. “Oh, God, Jared?”

Jensen nodded, sniffing a little. “He…overdose. Danni, he…” Jensen trailed off.

“Alright,” Danneel said, cool and professional, and Jensen watched as Dr. Harris took over and Danneel fell away. She turned her attention to David and James as the paramedics informed her of Jared’s condition.

“Okay, let’s get his stomach pumped, get Acetylcysteine to counteract the effects of the Tylenol, please,” she shouted to a nurse as they pushed through the doors to one of the trauma rooms.

A nurse Jensen didn’t recognize stopped him at the door with a hand on his chest. “I’m sorry, sir, you can’t go any further.”

Jensen gave her a cursory glance before he tried to push past her. “Get out of my way.”

The nurse stepped in front of him. “Sir, you can’t go in there!”

Jensen glared at her. “Look, I don’t know who you are, but I am a resident in this department, and if you don’t get out of my way, I’ll make sure you’re transferred to the geriatric ward!”

The nurse blinked.

“Eliza,” Danneel barked. “Stop arguing with doctor Ackles and get over here!”

Eliza, apparently, took one last look at Jensen before she scooted over to Danneel.

“Jen, do you know how long he’s been like this? When he took the pills?”

Jensen looked down at the bottle in his hands, just now realizing it was there. He must have picked it up off the floor of the bathroom. “Um…I don’t know. Twenty minutes, maybe? He called me, said he wanted to say…” he stopped the thought in its tracks and took a deep breath. “I think he already had the pills in his system when he called. There wasn’t much time from him hanging up to me getting to him. Not enough time for them to effect him like this, anyway.”

“So this wasn’t accidental?” Danneel asked as she checked Jared’s pupils. “I swear to God, if I ever get my hands on that little bitch she won’t know what hit her.”

“Stop bitching at Sandy and _help him_!” Jensen screamed.

Danneel rolled her eyes. “Okay, let’s get some blood work done, and someone check his O2 levels.”

“The Acetylcysteine’s causing a reaction. He’s going into anaphylactic shock,” Eliza said, her eyes glued to a monitor.

Danneel cursed again. “Alright, let’s get ready to intubate.”

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

The door to the room clicked closed quietly and Jensen looked up from where he was leaning against the wall to see Danneel step into the hallway. He levered himself into a standing position as Chris, Steve and Jeff all climbed to their feet from where they’d been sitting on the floor with their backs against the wall.

“How is he?” Chris asked before Jensen could even get the words out.

“Stable,” Danneel said, still all cool and professional. “We had to intubate him, and we sedated him for that, but I think we got to him in time. He shouldn’t have any lasting damage.” She took a deep breath. “Psych will send someone down to speak to him. I’m gonna guess they’ll recommend therapy, counseling, but I can’t tell you any more than that.”

Jensen nodded. He knew all of that already. It was just that his brain was apparently offline at the moment.

“Can we see him?” Jeff asked, and fuck, did Jensen’s voice just crawl away?

Danneel smiled a little sadly. “Just Jen for now.” Jensen realized she felt guilty for telling Jeff he couldn’t visit with his brother, but Jeff simply clapped Jensen on the back and pushed him towards the door.

But before he could let himself into the room, Danneel gave herself a shake.

“Alright, I’m done. No more Dr. Harris.” She reached out and pulled Jensen close, hugging him tight, and Jensen found he could do nothing but return her affections.

“How are you doing?” she asked when she pulled back, her eyes searching his face.

Jensen gave her a tight smile. “Don’t know yet. I still feel numb.”

“That’s shock,” Danneel said carefully. “Have you had anything to eat?”

Jensen shook his head. “Not since…shit, yesterday lunchtime. I went home after seeing Jared and polished off a six-pack. I slept through my alarm this morning. Fuck, if I hadn’t been hung over, I’d have been in work already and I would have missed Jared’s call and…” his tears came again, choking his voice, and Steve’s hand clamped down on his shoulder. Jensen leaned against him gratefully.

“So, you’re in shock, starving, _and_ hung over?” Danneel said. “I think we need to get you something to eat.”

Steve snorted. “Stale potato chips, ice chips and bad coffee okay for you, Jen?”

Jensen made a face at the suggestion.

“I can go down to the cafeteria and get him something,” Jeff said with a nod.

Steve took a deep breath and bumped Chris’s shoulder with his. “Okay, Babe, we can’t hang around the hospital all day if we can’t see him. We should go home and come back tomorrow.”

Chris nodded and they stepped forward to hug Jensen.

“Actually,” he said, turning so that he could look at all four of them. “I kinda need you guys to do me a favor.”

“Name it,” Chris said.

“Go to the apartment and pack up all of Jared’s things?”

“And do what with them?” Steve asked.

Jensen opened his mouth to reply, but Chris cut him off before he could say anything.

“No, Jensen. No way. You are not moving Jared into your place.”

Jensen threw up his hands. “Well, what else are we gonna do, Chris? Huh? Move the suicidal man in with Cameron and Layla? Or how about we let him sleep on your couch? Oh, no, wait, I know. We can send him back to Sandy, and then next week, when he tries something like this again, maybe he’ll actually succeed!”

The three men looked suitably chastened, but Jensen went on.

“I have a guest room, I have space for the dogs to run around, I have room for the hundred or so computer monitors I know he has, and if you think for _one second_ that I am letting him out of my sight again, you’re all even bigger morons than you look.”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Point taken.”

“Sounds to me like it’s the only solution,” Danneel said. She sighed when everyone stayed silent. “Oh, Christ, I’ll do it. I’m off now anyway, just give me the address.” She turned to Chris and held her hand out. “Give me the keys to your truck.”

Chris shook his head. “You ain’t driving my truck.”

She cocked an eyebrow at him. “I’ll fish them out of your pants myself if you don’t hand them over.”

“You are not driving my truck. I’m driving.” Chris scowled at her. “You really are evil, aren’t you? Why can’t you be a normal girl like Kelly?

Danneel beamed at him. “’Cause then your life would be perfect and happy and all that shit and not even a little bit interesting. You need me to keep you on your toes.” She reached up and kissed him on the cheek before she turned and skipped off down the hall. “I’ll meet you at the front entrance!”

Jensen really wished he could be upset with her. His…whatever, was lying in the next room, hooked up to machines because he tried to end his own life, and she was skipping around and making jokes.

But she was Danneel. She didn’t care about social graces and proper behavior for a woman of her standing, as his mother would say. She cared about him, and Jared, he knew she did. She also knew exactly the right thing to say in any situation to make him smile.

It was the reason he’d fallen head over heels in love with her the first day they met. Platonically, of course.

Chris turned to Steve. “You have to come with me and save me from the mad-scientist woman!”

Steve chuckled and shook his head. “Fine, but if I find anything interesting in that apartment, I’m keeping it for myself.” He took Chris by the hand and they followed after Danneel.

Jensen and Jeff stared after them for a few seconds before Jensen took a deep breath.

“Do you want to go in and see Jared?” he asked, despite what Danneel had said.

Jeff shook his head. “I gotta get home and see Kelly, tell her what’s going on.”

Jensen nodded. “Have you called the parents?”

“No, I’m gonna wait until he’s at least conscious. If I can convince them he’s okay, maybe I can keep them from flying out. Or at least limit it to one set.”

Jensen nodded. “That’s probably a good idea.” Their families were so close he wouldn’t be surprised if it was the Ackles’ who flew to Boston instead of the Padaleckis.

Jeff sighed. “Okay, I’m gonna go get you some food, then I’m gonna go get some stuff for the dogs, since it looks as though you have no intention of leaving this hospital until Jared does.”

Jensen blushed. “Am I that obvious?”

“Maybe to me.” Jeff frowned at him. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

Jensen shrugged. “It’s Jared.”

“Alright, I’ll call the hospital later. Take it easy, little brother.”

Jensen watched him go until he turned the corner at the end of the hall, then he took a deep breath, steeling himself before he opened the door to Jared’s room, closing it tightly behind him.

He started to cry as he crossed the room, gazing at Jared lying motionless in the hospital bed, pale against the stark white sheets. There were dark circles under his eyes and an IV sticking out of the back of his right hand, and the ventilator was humming in the corner.

Jensen rounded the bed and pulled up a chair, taking hold of Jared’s free hand and settled in to wait for him to wake up.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

Jeff had mentioned in the text he’d sent Danneel with Jared’s address that he’d had to awkwardly secure the front door that Jensen had kicked in to get to Jared in the first place, but when the three of them stood in the hallway and stared at the piece of broken molding that was wedging the door closed, it looked anything but secure.

“If I didn’t know Jay’s computer shit probably cost more than an entire year’s rent on this place, I say it served the bitch right if she got burgled,” Chris said as he pushed his way inside.

“Okay.” Danneel clapped her hand as she stood in the middle of a living room that reeked of feigned class. “Let’s just, um, pack everything up that looks like it could belong to Jared. If we’ve missed anything, we can come back. And if we’ve taken anything that’s Sandy’s, we can sell it on eBay.”

Steve chuckled. “Man, if I wasn’t gay…”

“Aw, baby, you’re not my type,” Danneel told him with a kiss to his cheek.

“Yeah,” Chris agreed. “Steve’s not an asshole.” He grabbed Steve by the hand, pulling him closer and away from Danneel.

Danneel thought about that for less than a second before she had to agree that Chris kind of had a point. She pushed them both in what she assumed was the direction of the bedroom.

“Okay, I’ll take the main bedroom, pack up his clothes. You two get started on the other rooms. I don’t think I’ll be able to carry four hundred pounds of computer shit.”

The boys found Jared’s study easily enough, the first open door in the hallway, and they disappeared inside, Chris already cursing how much stuff he’d have to pack.

The first room Danneel stuck her head into was the bathroom. There was an empty bottle of Scotch on the floor next to an old photograph of Jensen and Jared and a cell phone. She left the bottle where it was and picked up the photo and the phone, putting both of them into her purse.

Danneel’s stomach flipped as she noticed the traces of vomit around the toilet bowl, obviously from where Jensen had tried to make Jared throw up the pills, and she raced out of the room. The smell or sight of vomit wasn’t new to her, she was an ER doctor after all, but it wasn’t so much that it was there as the reasons behind its appearance that were enough to make her feel like she was about to lose the bite of lunch she’d almost had.

Back in the hallway, Danneel could hear Chris and Steve bickering like the old married couple they were, and it broke the tension mounting up inside her a little and she walked to the only other door in the hallway, revealing the master bedroom behind it.

She dropped her purse on the bed as she walked to the large closet on the right side of the room.

It wasn’t hard to find Jared’s clothes on his side of the closet, taking up less than a quarter of the space available. Danneel found a few suitcases and backpacks on the top shelf that she filled quickly with Jared’s things, getting down on her hands and knees to dig out the few pairs of shoes, flip-flops, dress shoes, the cowboy boots that every Texan seemed to own, and one pair of really battered Chucks that she thought would be better in the trash. Still, she packed everything, and it wasn’t until she was climbing back to her feet that she spotted the cardboard box at the very back of the closet floor.

It was labeled ‘Jen and Jay’.

Tears came unbidden to Danneel’s eyes, and she spent a few seconds blinking them away before she was able to pull the box out, setting it down on the bed before she sat down herself.

She knew she shouldn’t look, she’d be the first one to rip into Chris or Steve if they were in her place, but curiosity got the better of her and she pulled the folded box open so that she could peer inside.

It was mostly photos as far as she could tell, Jensen and Jared in happier times, some with Chris and Steve and Jeff, others with people she didn’t recognize. There were t-shirts, too, and baseball caps, cards and trinkets that meant enough for Jared to keep them hidden in the bottom of his closet, to carry them all the way from Texas.

At the bottom of the box was an old Valentine’s Day card, one of the cheap things that gas stations sell. It was old and torn from being handled so much, and Danneel had to wonder if it was because Jared read it so much, reminding himself of better times.

She knew it was from Jensen before she even opened it, but for the first time she understood just how in love Jared and Jensen had been, and maybe still were.

_Jay,_

_I know we said we weren’t doing this, this is like our sixth Valentine’s Day together, but this is actually, like, the twelfth card I’ve sent you. Betcha didn’t know that, huh? All those unsigned cards that somehow made their way into your backpack? Yeah, they were from me. I used to bribe people like Chad and Misha into writing them for me. Steve did it that year before my seventeenth birthday party, smirking like an idiot the whole time, probably ‘cause he and our other moronic brothers had that fucking bet going on and he was wondering how to get us to get our heads out of our asses._

_Anyway, yeah, you know I love you, ‘cause I tell you every day, but I really do mean it. You’re my soul mate, Jay. You’re everything I could want, and I’ll never stop loving you. I promise you that I won’t ever let you forget how I feel about you. There will never be a day when I won’t tell you how much I love you, or how amazing you are._

_You’re it for me, Jared. I stopped looking for the love of my life when I was twelve years old, ‘cause that’s when I met you._

_And somewhere right now, Chris is barfing into a bucket, ha!_

_We said we weren’t doing Valentine’s Day, but I can’t not, because I will never pass up an opportunity to tell you how much you mean to me._

_My heart belongs to you, now and forever._

_Jen_

There were tears streaming down Danneel’s face by the time she was finished reading, and it was all she could do not to hunt Sandy down and smash her pretty little face in. She didn’t know the full story, and it was likely that she never would, but she was certain that Sandy had more than a passing hand in it.

It was obvious why Jared had kept the card, and Danneel wondered how many times he’d sat on the floor of the bedroom when Sandy was out, reading the words over and over until he knew them by heart.

Wiping away her tears, Danneel put the card back into the box and folded it closed again, just as Chris stuck his head around the doorframe.

“We’ve got his bathroom shit, and we found some boxes to pack everything from the study, so I’m gonna start running things down to the truck while Steve gets on with that,” Chris said with a nod of his head. “Anything in here ready to go?”

Danneel stood up and zipped the suitcase closed. “Yeah, these can go,” she told him, indicating the suitcase and the box she’d found.

“Jen and Jay,” Chris read. He gave her a knowing smile. “Am I gonna hang onto my manly dignity if I look in there?”

Danneel sniffed, but she managed a watery smile. “Considering my ice queen status is currently a puddle at my feet, I’m gonna say no.”

Chris walked into the room and kissed the top of her head, pulling her into a half-hug before he picked up the box under his arm and dragged the suitcase behind him.

Danneel took a few deep breaths, then turned to the dresser, emptying Jared’s underwear, socks, t-shirts and sweats into a backpack. She resisted the urge to toss Sandy’s things around the room, but it was hard.

She turned her attentions to the nightstands next, and it was clear when she pulled open the first drawer that it was Sandy’s nightstand. Curious, Danneel started rifling through the contents, giggling to herself when she came across a vibrator.

“Someone’s frustrated.”

Danneel removed the batteries and put them into her pocket before she put the vibrator back where she found it.

When she opened the last drawer, Danneel frowned when her eyes landed on a brown document folder.

Pulling it out, she sat back on the bed and opened it, frowning at what she found.

“Oh, Sandy,” she said to the empty room. “We _have_ been a busy girl, haven’t we?”

She closed the folder and put it into her purse, thankful for her oversized bag even if Steve always teased her about it.

Danneel grabbed a few more things from the room; notebooks, an iPod, the rest of the contents of the other nightstand, which wasn’t much, and a photo of what she assumed were Jared’s dogs, and added them all to the backpack. She zipped it closed, hefting it onto her shoulder as she lifted her purse and left the room.

Steve was leaving the study, a computer screen under each arm, when Danneel entered the hallway.

“You get everything?” he asked and the doctor nodded.

“I think so. There doesn’t seem to be much in this apartment that’s Jared’s. It’s like he’s allowed a small a part of her life as possible. It makes this whole situation even sadder than it has to be.”

Steve nodded. “According to Jeff, Jared’s changed so much in the last four years; I’m actually a little scared to see him when he wakes up.”

“Why?” Danneel asked gently.

“He was my best friend, Danni. _Is_ my best friend,” he corrected himself. “I know Chris and I went to college with Jeff and Josh, but we spent every holiday with the Ackles’ and the Padaleckis. Most weekends, too. Jeff and Josh were already close, Jay and Jen were dancing around each other at that point, and we had a pool going to see how long it would take them to figure it out. But in between all that, Jay and I grew close, and I don’t even know how. We just clicked. Jared was the first person I told I was gay.” Steve laughed. “Well, the first person I alluded to that I was gay. Apart from Chris, of course. He was kinda important in that realization.”

“Wow,” Danneel said, surprised.

“What the hell is going on?!” someone screamed.

Turning towards the front door, Danneel took in the small, dark haired, angry looking woman standing just beyond the threshold.

“Oh,” Steve said quietly, like he was coming to some sort of understanding.

The woman ignored him, narrowing her eyes at both of them. “What the hell are you doing in my apartment? I’m calling the police.”

“Ah, cool your jets,” Chris said, pushing past her back into the apartment. “We’re just here for Jared’s things.”

“And who the hell are you?” Sandy all but shrieked.

“We’re his friends,” Danneel said confidently.

Sandy scoffed. “Friends of Jared’s? Really? And exactly how much is he paying you to say that?”

“What’s the matter, Sandy?” Steve asked. “You don’t recognize me? ‘Cause I sure as hell remember you.”

Danneel tried to hide her surprise, and she could see Chris doing the same.

“What are you talking about?”

Steve shrugged. “I remember you, you were the chick who was following Jared around like a lost puppy, batting your eyelashes and flashing your cleavage. You wouldn’t take no for an answer, even when Jared told you he was gay and involved with someone.”

Chris’s eyes widened and he spun back around to face her from where he was taking the backpack from Danneel’s hands. “Holy shit, you were that bitch who kept feeling him up. Hell, you were practically stalking him!”

Sandy’s face blazed red. “How dare you?! What gives you the right to come in here and say those things to me?”

“We’re Jared’s friends,” Chris pointed out again, speaking slowly, like he was sure she was mentally challenged. He took one of the monitors from Steve and made for the front door, on his way back out of the apartment.

Sandy stepped in front of him. “What are you doing with Jared’s computers? Does he even know you’re here?”

Even from where she stood behind him, Danneel could see Chris’s shoulders stiffen, like he was just barely holding onto his rage. “No, Jared doesn’t know we’re here, because he’s lying unconscious in a hospital bed.”

Sandy at least had the decency to feel some sort of shock at the news, but she covered it quickly. “Jared’s in the hospital? What happened to him?”

Chris growled under his breath and pushed past her to take the things in his arms down to his truck.

“Jared will be fine,” Danneel assured. “He’s been sedated right now because of the intubation, but he’ll be back on his feet in a few days. Whether or not he’ll be okay is another matter.”

“And just what the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Jared tried to commit suicide this morning,” Steve said flatly and Danneel winced at the bluntness of his words.

There was silence for a few minutes.

And then Sandy laughed.

Danneel felt Steve’s hand on her arm and it was only then that she realized she’d taken a step forward towards the horrible woman in front of her.

“Poor little Jared couldn’t handle hearing the truth, huh? What, did he figure out that his precious Jensen didn’t want him either?”

“He called Jensen,” Steve told her. “It was Jensen who found him, Jensen who is sitting with him now. Jensen who hasn’t left his side. Jensen who wants Jared to move back in with him, which is why we’re here.”

Sandy squared her jaw. “He’ll soon figure out what a waste of space Jared is,” she said coldly. “And then Jared will come running to me, just like he did before.”

“Jared left Jensen actually,” Steve told her, something like pride in his voice at being able to squash whatever ideas she had in her head. “The decision for them to split up had nothing to do with Jensen.”

“But, Jared told me…” Sandy’s voice trailed off.

Danneel smiled, but she knew it wasn’t friendly. “Looks like you weren’t the only one lying in this relationship.”

Sandy scowled. “I want to see Jared.”

“Why?” Steve asked. “So you can finish the job you started?”

“And just what is that supposed to mean?”

“Jared tried to kill himself because you lied to him and manipulated him and made him think he’d cheated on Jensen. All so that you could get what you wanted. And he was so disgusted with himself for believing you instead of what he knew in his heart he couldn’t live with himself anymore.”

“So he drank a bottle of whiskey, added a bottle of Tylenol to his cocktail, then called Jensen to say goodbye,” Danneel added.

Steve picked up the story again. “But, see, no matter what Jensen’s been telling us over the years, he’s never really gotten over Jared and there was no way he would have just sat back and let Jared overdose. Not only because he’s a doctor, but I think Jared’s death would have actually killed him.”

Danneel was pretty sure she’d never see Steve so angry. Chris was usually the one they had to restrain if things got heated, but he was standing in the hallway behind Sandy, his blue eyes unusually calm as he watched his lover finally confront his feelings about Jared and everything that had happened over the last four years.

“So, if you think I am going to let you anywhere near Jared,” Steve continued, “then sweetheart, you are even more stupid than you look.”

“How dare you!” Sandy screeched. “You can’t keep me away from him! I’m his girlfriend!”

“Ex,” Danneel pointed out. “And I’m not even sure that that’s the right term, considering I don’t think you were together in the first place.”

“We’ve been together for four years!”

“And in that time, how many times have you had sex?” Chris asked, coming back into the apartment. “Ball park figure.”

Sandy turned to glare at him, but Danneel could see the blush coloring her face.

Chris chuckled. “That’s what I thought.”

“Our sex life is none of your business!” Sandy yelled.

“And Jared is none of yours.” Steve shoved the last computer monitor at Danneel before he returned to the study, emerging seconds later, loaded down with three more boxes, struggling under the weight of them. “Come on, this is everything. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

Chris raced forward and took the top two boxes.

The two of them walked out of the apartment and Danneel could hear their footsteps clomp down the stairs.

The two women glared at each other before Danneel finally managed a smile.

“I’m going to have your name registered at the hospital as someone who is not allowed to see Jared. You won’t get near him while he’s in there.”

“You don’t have the right, or the authority, to do that.”

Danneel’s smile grew wider. “As Jared’s doctor, I have every right to do what I feel is best for my patient.”

Sandy was still gawping like a fish by the time Danneel hefted her bag and the computer monitor and headed for the front door.

“Oh, and you might want to get someone to have this door fixed. I can’t imagine it would be safe. I mean, _anyone_ could just walk right in.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image5.png)

 

When Jared opened his eyes, he found himself lying on his back in a bed, staring at a ceiling he didn’t recognize.

It only took a few beeps of the heart monitor and the pull of the needle in the back of his hand for Jared to realize that he was in a hospital.

He had a vague memory of waking up when a doctor and a nurse, whose faces where nothing but a shadow, removed the tube that had been helping him breathe, but he had no idea how long ago that was, or how he got there in the first place. The why was a mystery as well. Everything was just a blur.

His eyes searched around the plain white room until they landed on Jensen, asleep in a chair next to his bed. The doctor’s head was pillowed on the mattress, one hand resting on Jared’s thigh, the other holding on to Jared’s hand, like he’d fallen asleep during a bedside vigil.

Jared didn’t know what do to, how he was supposed to react in a situation like this. What was Jensen even doing sitting there, like he’d passed out from exhaustion waiting for Jared to wake up?

He was just about to nudge Jensen, wake him up and demand to know what was going on, when the door to his room opened gently and a doctor walked in, complete with a white lab coat and stethoscope around his neck.

Jared frowned at him as he recognized the man as Dr. Hartley, the doctor who had examined his stitches before Misha took them out.

“Hey, you’re awake!” the doctor grinned. “I was gonna start poking you with needles if you were still out when I came in here.” He cocked his head at Jensen. “Him on the other hand, I’d like to poke with something else.” Dr. Hartley blushed. “Didn’t that come out sad and wrong? I meant with like, hot pokers or something, ‘cause he’s been nothing but a pain in my ass since you were admitted.” The guy smacked his palm to his face, clearly mortified. “You know what? I’m just gonna stop talking now. There’ll be more than enough time for me to embarrass myself later when you’re back on your feet. Chris seems to think it’s his personal mission to make fun of me.”

“Chris?” Jared frowned. “Are you a friend of theirs?” Misha had mentioned four doctors in their group of friends, Jensen, Danneel and Jeff being three of them. Jared had assumed the other one was –

“I’m Justin,” the doctor said with a smirk.

Justin. Jensen’s boyfriend.

The beeping on the heart monitor got faster as Jared tugged his hand away from Jensen’s grip and folded his arms over his chest.

Justin chuckled, flipping through his chart. “Relax, Jared. I’m not dating Jensen. I never was.”

“But he said –”

Justin cut him off. “No, Danneel said, and she made Jensen go along with it, because she’s an overprotective bitch who thinks it’s her job to look after all us boys. Fucking mother hen.” He shook his head. “Just wait ‘til she gets here, Jared, you’ve _so_ much to look forward to.”

Jared had to smile. From what he’d seen of Danneel, Justin’s griping sounded pretty accurate.

Next to him, Jensen stirred and yawned, sitting up straighter in his chair, but not removing his hand from Jared’s thigh. He glanced at Justin.

“Christ, who died? You look ridiculous.”

Jared took in Justin’s dark shirt and silver tie and thought he didn’t look that bad.

“Fuck you, Ackles.”

Jensen shivered theatrically. “Please, I do not need that image in my head. That’s just disturbing. Save it for that pretty little nurse you’re putting it to.”

Justin blushed again. “Nurse? I’m not…there’s no nurse.”

Jensen just laughed. “Right, Justin, there’s no nurse. Uh huh, I really, really believe you.”

Justin just blushed harder. Jared wondered if his face would explode.

“I plead the fifth.” He hung the chart back on the end of Jared’s bed, and when he looked up, he was completely professional again. “How are you feeling, Jared?”

Jared blinked and looked between the two men for a few seconds, confused. “I don’t…I, um…I don’t know.”

Jensen took hold of his hand again, looking at Jared calmly while he spoke to Justin. “Can you give us a little while? I think we have some stuff to talk about.”

Justin nodded. “Chris, Steve and Kelly are outside. They’ve been here for a couple hours.”

“Kelly?” Jared asked.

Jensen squeezed his hand. “Jeff’s wife.”

This time, Jared was the one who blushed. “I haven’t met her.”

“Well, she’s outside, so you have a couple minutes to prepare yourself for the force of nature that is Kelly Padalecki. But you’ve met Danni and survived, so you should do fine.”

“Justin,” Jensen scowled. “Just give us some time, okay?”

Justin sighed. “Fine. I’ll send these idiots to get you something to eat.”

“Call Kelly an idiot to her face, I dare you,” Jensen laughed.

Justin scoffed. “Please. I like my balls where they are. I don’t need them riding around in Kelly’s purse. Jeff’s take up more than enough room.”

With that, Justin turned and swept out of the room.

“I feel like I should explain Justin,” Jensen said, staring after the departed doctor, “but honestly, I wouldn’t know where to start.”

Jared tried to laugh, but the whole situation and the fact that he couldn’t remember said situation was making it a little difficult to breathe, let alone find anything amusing.

Jensen turned to look at Jared, and Jared could see the concern in his eyes.

“So, you wanna talk to me?” he asked softly.

Jared shook his head. “I don’t know what happened, Jen. I don’t – I don’t know what I’m doing here.”

Jensen took a deep breath and moved to sit on the edge of the mattress, cradling Jared’s hand in both of his.

“Tell me what you remember.”

Jared nodded. “Jeff came by. I thought he was gonna yell at me, but he didn’t. He was so disappointed, Jen. I think that was worse. Sandy yelled at me when he left, and I just spent the night on the couch, thinking about everything I’d fucked up. When Sandy woke up the next morning, we had another fight and she…” Jared trailed off when the memory of the fight came back to him, hitting him hard, like a punch to the stomach. Tears sprang to Jared’s eyes and he gripped Jensen’s hand harder. “Oh, God, she told me it was all a lie. She spiked my drink and told me we’d slept together, but we didn’t. She made it all up to get what she wanted.” Jared hiccupped through his tears. “Jen, what have I done? Oh, God, I’m gonna be sick.”

Jensen was fast, holding a small plastic bowl in front of him, and Jared emptied the meager contents of his stomach into it.

Once he made sure Jared was finished, Jensen set the bowl aside and ran his fingers through Jared’s hair, soothing him.

“You don’t remember anything after that?” he asked after a few silent minutes.

Jared shook his head. “No, but whatever it is, I’m thinking it’s not good.”

Jensen gave him a sad smile. “No, no, it’s not good.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t know what happened after the fight with Sandy, but you called me, around noon. You were drunk.”

Jared nodded. He remembered the bottle of Scotch. He blanched. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to call. When Misha gave me your number, I swore to myself I was never gonna use it.”

There was that sad smile on Jensen’s lips again. “I think these were extenuating circumstances.”

Jared frowned. “What did I say?”

Jensen looked down at their clasped hands, like he couldn’t tell Jared while he looked him in the eye. “Jay, you called me to say goodbye.”

A tear rolled down Jensen’s cheek and Jared felt his blood run cold as the facts lined up in his head. “No,” he whispered. “Jensen, I–”

“I don’t know if you were really trying to…” Jensen trailed off, clearly unable to bring himself to say the words. “Or if it was a cry for help, a way to get yourself away from Sandy or something, but you swallowed a bottle of Tylenol and then you called me. I was in my car, on my way to work, so I was nearby, and I got to you in time, called an ambulance and got you here. Danneel fixed you up, but you had a reaction to the drug she used to counteract the Tylenol. You had to be intubated and sedated. You’ve been out for a couple days.”

“I don’t remember,” Jared mumbled. “I don’t remember deciding that I wanted to…to die.” A large sob escaped him. “Oh, God, Jensen, I’m so sorry. I never meant to put you in that position.”

Tears rolled down his face. Putting all of that on Jensen’s shoulders made him sick to his stomach. He didn’t like to admit it, and he probably never would out loud, but Jared really didn’t think he would use suicide just as a way to get himself out of Sandy’s claws.

“Jay, please don’t worry about that,” Jensen told him. “I’m just glad you _did_ call me. I don’t know what I would have done if you had just…”

Jared nodded, but he wasn’t really listening anymore. “Jen,” he said quietly, not really sure he should be asking the question at all, but needing to hear the answer. “Jen, why did you save me? After everything I’ve put you through, why didn’t you just leave me there for Sandy to find?”

Jensen’s eyes snapped to his, and Jared flinched at the storm of emotions swimming the doctor’s green eyes.

“You’re seriously asking me that question?”

Jared shrugged. “I wouldn’t blame you if you just wanted me out of your life for good.”

“Jared, when I got that phone call, and I realized what you’d done, my whole world came crashing down around me,” Jensen said forcefully. “I’m a doctor. I took an oath to protect life at all costs, but that wasn’t what made me bust down your door, and if you don’t get that, then maybe I should have left you there.”

“I’m sorry,” Jared whispered. “For everything, not just this.”

Jensen’s smile was a little brighter this time. “I honestly don’t know what I would have done if your idiotic plan had worked. I can’t even begin to imagine what you were thinking.”

“Probably had something to do with thinking everyone was better off without me,” Jared mumbled. “I’ve caused so much shit for everyone, and then I find out that it was all for nothing, that I hurt everyone I loved over some lie. I think I just thought it would save everyone the grief if I just wasn’t here anymore.”

The words sounded right when he said them, like that had been his plan, to make it so that he would hurt no one else.

“Do you honestly think that?” Jensen asked, his voice thick with emotion. “You honestly think that I would be okay if you died?”

Jared chuckled dryly. “Well, up until about ten minutes ago, I thought you were dating Justin, so maybe I thought he would get you through it or something.”

Jensen looked away again, gazing out the window this time. “There’s never been anyone but you, Jared. When I got out here, Chris and Jeff thought I should start dating again, so they set me up with a couple guys.” He frowned. “And one girl, which was just weird and uncomfortable. But after a few months, I realized I wasn’t gonna find anyone as amazing as you, so I just stopped looking.”

Jared stared at him. “So, there’s been no one?”

“No one. Not since you.”

“Sandy tried, a couple times, back in the beginning when she was trying to pretend everything was good, normal, before she saw that I wasn’t really there for her, I was just there to protect you.”

“She tried? She didn’t succeed?”

Jared blushed. “I couldn’t…you know.” He smiled at the man in front of him. “She wasn’t you.”

Jensen laughed. “God, how pathetic are we?”

“I’m sorry, this is all my fault.”

“Hey, I thought we decided it was Sandy’s fault?”

“Yeah, but if I’d just been honest back then.” Jared looked up at Jensen with pleading eyes. “Do you honestly think we could have gotten through it? If I’d told you I’d slept with someone else?”

Jensen opened his mouth to answer, then snapped it shut again before he spoke. It was several seconds before he said anything.

“I don’t know, Jared. I can’t tell you what I would have done. But it doesn’t matter. We can’t change the past. We just have to think about the future.”

Hope fluttered in Jared’s heart. “What about the future?”

“Well, the first thing is therapy. For both of us,” Jensen said, squeezing Jared’s hand. “And maybe…maybe couples therapy? Relationship counseling, you know? So that we can make sure something like this doesn’t happen again.”

Jared felt tears building behind his eyes again and he blinked them away. “Why would you even want to give me a second chance?”

Jensen smiled. “Because I never actually gave up on the first chance. You were the one who pushed me away. I never wanted to go.”

“God, Jen, if I could go back…”

“Hey, what did I just say?”

“Think about the future.”

“Alright, so no more thinking about what happened, okay? It’s done. It’s behind us. We’re moving on.”

Jared nodded.

The door to the room opened again, and they turned to see Chris, Steve and Kelly walk slowly into the room.

Jensen got up from the bed and went to Kelly, taking the sandwiches, chips and candy bars from her arms and setting them on the table at the end of Jared’s bed. Chris put numerous bottles of soda and water next to the pile of food.

“Jared, Misha said he’d be in soon with some food for you,” Kelly said, her voice soft and not at all what Jared had been expecting. “He said your stomach wouldn’t be able to handle solid foods yet, so he’s gonna bring you some soup from the kitchen.”

Jared wrinkled his nose. “Soup? Seriously?”

“Danni pumped your stomach, Jay,” Jensen as he tried to open a sandwich. “You’re too tender right now.”

Chris laughed. “The human garbage disposal reduced to nothing but soup. Hey, how long until he’s asking us to sneak him in Subway and Burger King?”

“Jared doesn’t like Burger King,” Jensen said, around a mouthful of something.

Jared hadn’t seen him take a bite. He was too busy staring at Steve and Chris.

Like Jensen and Jeff, they hadn’t really changed much in four years. Chris’s hair was longer, sitting just below his shoulders, and Steve had lost some weight, but it wasn’t anything physical that had Jared staring at them.

It was the way they stood at the foot of his bed, with a presence to them that a blind man couldn’t deny.

Chris and Steve had always been close, and Jared was surprised he hadn’t seen this coming a long time ago.

But it was still a shock to see them standing before him, their arms around each other, each of them in the others’ space, comfortable in a way Jared had never seen them before. Like they’d finally found their place in the world.

“I don’t think I’m ever gonna get used to that,” Jared said in a strained voice.

He blushed and looked down at his hands, suddenly unsure whether Chris and Steve would ever want him to be in a position where he _would_ be able to get used to it.

Chris laughed again. “Just wait until we’re drunk and start making out like horny teenagers.

Steve elbowed him in the ribs. “Yeah, even after all these years he still can’t keep his hands off me.”

He extracted himself from Chris’s embrace and moved across the room to sit on the bed next to Jared.

“So,” he said thoughtfully. “Sandy’s a bitch. But you knew that, right?”

Jared laughed. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ve always known that.”

Steve nodded. “Well, that’s good. And you’re not going anywhere, right?”

Jared blushed again, fighting to look into Steve’s eyes and not glance at Jensen. “No, I don’t think I’m going anywhere.”

“Good. That’s good. ‘Cause, you know, it’s really hard trying to control Chris and Jeff without you. And Justin. Man, you do not know what I’ve had to deal with over here. I mean, Kelly helps, but seriously, she’s not you.”

Kelly huffed. “Oh, great. Just ‘cause I’m a girl, I’m not as good as everyone else.” Jared could see the glimmer of mirth in her eye as she tried to appear put out. “You know, Danneel’s a girl. I don’t see you giving her shit.”

“That’s because Danni’s from the ‘arguments lead to sex’ school of thought,” Jensen said. “And we’re all gay, except Jeff and Justin.”

“Which is a good thing,” Kelly cut in.

“Yeah, which is why none of us argue with her. We don’t wanna give her the wrong impression.”

“Yeah,” Chris agreed. “That, and we all know she could take every single one of us in a fight. Self-preservation, sweetheart.”

“I’m gonna start asking her to give me tips,” Kelly pouted.

“And I’m not gay,” Chris said with a smile, like he knew everyone realized he was full of shit.

Steve snorted. “You were always gay. It just took this knucklehead to make you admit it to people who weren’t me.” He smacked Jared on the thigh.

Jared looked down at the hand on his leg, then back up into Steve’s blue eyes. The tears that had been threatening to spill since they walked into the room finally ran down Jared’s cheeks as the amusement in the room suddenly dissipated.

“Steve…” Jared said in a small voice. “Steve, I’m sorry.”

“I know, man, I know.”

Steve reached forward to pull him into a hug and Jared let himself cry.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image9.png)

Jeff closed the door to Layla’s room, the baby monitor in his hand, and checked on Cameron, taking a nap in his own room, before he made his way downstairs.

Kelly had insisted that she be allowed to go to the hospital with Chris and Steve to visit Jared, telling him that she had never actually met her brother-in-law and that it was about time she did. She also said something about Jared needing a female influence and Danneel didn’t count, but Jeff had stopped listening at that point.

He was too busy figuring out just exactly what he was going to say to his parents.

He fell rather than sat on the couch and spent almost twenty minutes staring at the cell phone in his hand, hundreds of different ways to break the news running through his head.

Finally, he scraped a hand back through his hair and scrolled through the contacts in his phone until he got to his parents’ number in Dallas and hit the call button.

Each ring was like an eternity to Jeff, but at last his mother picked up, her voice polite and charming like always.

_“Hello?”_

“Hey, Mama,” Jeff said, aiming for normal and knowing he was way off the mark.

_“Jeff, sweetie. Twice in one week! To what do I owe this unexpected pleasure?”_

Jeff didn’t have time for pretense; he just wanted to get to the point before he lost his nerve. “Listen, Mom, is Dad around?”

 _“He’s in the living room,”_ Sherri answered, her tone changing to one of concern. _“Jeff, is everything okay?”_

Jeff let out a short bark of laughter. “No, Mama. It’s really not okay right now.”

_“Oh, my God, is it Kelly? The children?”_

“No, Kelly and the kids are fine,” Jeff promised. “Can you just get Dad? Put me on speaker or get him to pick up the extension or something. I really don’t think I have the guts to do this twice.”

Jeff heard his mother moving through the house, exchanging worried phrases with his father, and then there was the sound of buttons being pressed on the other end of the line.

 _“Jeff? Son, what’s going on?”_ his father’s voice was tinny and strange, less clear because of the static from the speakerphone.

“Are you guys sitting down?”

His mother let out a strangled noise. _“Jeff, please, you’re scaring me.”_

 _“Jeff,”_ Gerry scolded. _“Please. Just tell us what’s going on.”_

“It’s Jared,” Jeff said slowly. “He’s in the hospital.”

He heard his parents’ startled gasps and clenched his free hand into a fist, blunt nails digging into his palm as he waited.

 _“Oh, my God,”_ his mother breathed. _“Is he okay? What happened?”_

“No, Mom, he’s not okay. He hasn’t been okay for a long time now.”

 _“Jeff!”_ Gerry said loudly _. “What happened to your brother?”_

“He took an overdose.”

There was a muffled thump on the other end of the line and his father calling his mother’s name.

Jeff groaned into his palm. “I told you guys to sit down.”

 _“Why…”_ she started. _“Why would he do something like that?”_

 _“Tell me this was an accident, Jeff,”_ Gerry almost ordered.

“I wish I could.”

 _“What happened? Oh, God, my poor boy!”_ Jeff’s mom was sobbing hysterically.

“I don’t know, exactly, but I’m just gonna go ahead and blame Sandy anyway,” Jeff spat.

 _“Sandy?”_ Gerry asked. _“Jared’s girlfriend?”_

“She’s not his girlfriend,” Jeff said, he’s voice almost cold. “She never was. She’s the one who caused all the problems between Jared and Jensen in the first place.”

Sherri hiccupped. _“Oh, Jen! Someone should call him. Let me do it, Jeff. I’d rather he hear this from me.”_

Jeff laughed. “Jen’s at the hospital, Mom. He was the one who found Jared. He hasn’t left Jared’s side since he was admitted. He’s been sleeping in a chair.”

 _“When did this happen?”_ Gerry demanded.

“A few days ago. I wanted to make sure he was okay before I called you. He had a reaction to the drugs Danni gave him to counteract the Tylenol, so he had to be sedated, and he had a tube inserted to help him breath. But I just got off the phone with Justin, and he’s awake. Jensen, Kelly, Chris and Steve are all with him now.”

His mom sighed with relief. _“So he’s going to be okay?”_

“Well, the drugs didn’t do any permanent damage from what Danneel tells me. But whether he’s okay or not is another matter.”

_“What do you mean?”_

“He’s seriously depressed, Dad. Sandy really did a number on him. It’s gonna take a long time for him to get back to normal, if he ever gets there.”

 _“And Jensen?”_ his mom asked hopefully.

Jeff smiled, even though he knew his parents couldn’t see him. “I don’t think Jensen’s going to give up so easily this time.”

Not that it had been easy for him last time. It had taken everything Jeff, Chris and Steve had not to let their friend and brother fall apart completely after his break-up with Jared.

 _“Okay, well, we’re going to sort some things out here, time off work, and we’ll be on the first available flight,”_ Sherri said.

Jeff would have argued if he thought it would do any good.

“Alright, I’ll get the guest room ready for you guys, but seriously, we only have room for you guys. I am not putting Ma and Pa Ackles up with Danni, Misha or Justin. They don’t deserve that.”

There was silence for a few seconds before his father spoke again. _“Jared’s not staying in your guest room?”_ He asked the question like he couldn’t possibly think of anywhere else in Boston his youngest son would be staying.

“No, Daddy, he’s staying with Jensen.”

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image9.png)

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” Jensen asked, standing next to the door to Jared’s room, trying to find the courage he needed to leave for his meeting.

Jared smirked at him, and Jensen realized how much he’d missed that look.

“I’ll be fine, Jen, I swear.”

Jensen knew Jared would probably be okay if he was just leaving for his meeting and nothing else was going on, but Jared’s appointment with Beth Riesgraf, the therapist who had been scheduled for his psych evaluation, was due to take place at any time, and Jensen really wanted to be outside, waiting to comfort Jared when it was over.

Instead, he’d been called into a meeting with Michael Weatherly, the idea of which made Jensen’s stomach flip unpleasantly.

“I know you will, I’d just feel better if I knew there was going to be someone here with you.”

The door opened, hitting Jensen in the back, and he sidestepped to let Justin into the room. The other doctor shed his white coat and tie, stuffing them both beneath the chair next to Jared’s bed before he sat down.

“What are you doing?” Jensen asked, because he knew Jared never would. He wasn’t at that level of comfort with Justin where he was able to question his actions. Jensen knew they’d get there, but it wasn’t going to happen overnight.

Justin looked up at him. “You’ve got your meeting, whatever that’s about, so I thought I’d keep Jared company until Beth gets here, maybe take his mind off the whole thing and get to know him a little bit at the same time.”

Jensen gave him a soft smile. “Huh, I didn’t know you were capable of being so compassionate.”

Justin nodded. “Yep. This is why Danneel picked me to be your fake boyfriend and not Chris.”

“She knew Jared would know there was no way I could go for Chris. He’d never buy it,” Jensen smirked.

“Whatever, get outta here and go to your fucking meeting. Me and Jay got some bonding to do.”

“Stop talking like Chris, it’s weird.” Jensen locked eyes with Jared again. “Sure you’ll be okay?”

“You’ll be the first person I call if I’m not.”

Jensen nodded, satisfied with the answer, and left the room, the sounds of Justin asking if he could turn on the TV ringing in his ears.

He took the elevator down to the ground floor and walked the long way around to the ER, passing Danneel and Misha on his way to Michael’s office, both of them busy with the normal department routines.

He knocked on the door of the office, and got a firm ‘come in’ as a reply, and he took a deep breath to steel himself before he opened the door, closing it behind him again and taking the seat Michael indicated.

Jensen wasn’t really paying him much attention, however, all of his focus was now on the woman sitting next to him. Samantha Ferris, Mass General’s Chief-of-Staff.

“Dr. Ackles,” Dr. Ferris smiled professionally, but Michael didn’t smile at all.

Jensen could guess what the meeting was about. Jared had been in the hospital for a little over two days, and Jensen hadn’t left his side other than to shower and change his clothes in the staff lounge, and even then, he’d only gone when Danneel had threatened to kick his ass if he didn’t. He knew she would follow up on her threat, so he went.

So, when Justin told him that Michael wanted to talk to him, he knew it would have something to do with his being MIA from work, even though both Danneel and Misha had explained his reasons why.

But Samantha Ferris was a surprise Jensen wasn’t prepared for.

“Dr. Ackles,” Michael started. “Are you aware that you haven’t been to work in the last few days?”

Jensen fought the urge to roll his eyes. Of course he was aware.

“My partner’s in the hospital,” he said honestly.

Dr. Ferris blinked, surprised. “Your partner?”

Before Jensen had a chance to answer, Michael pressed on.

“I understand that, Dr. Ackles,” Michael said. “But you have a duty to this hospital.”

“My partner is in the hospital,” Jensen repeated, slower and louder. “ _This_ hospital.”

“We are aware of that, Dr. Ackles, but you have to understand our position here,” Michael told him coldly.

Jensen blinked at her. Dr. Ackles. He never called him Dr. Ackles. But now that Jensen thought about it, he hadn’t called Jensen by his first name since the night Jared had shown up in the ER with a busted open arm.

God, was that only two weeks ago?

A cold feeling settled in Jensen’s stomach as he looked from Michael to Dr. Ferris and back again.

“What position?” he asked.

“You have been absent from work, without good reason, for a total of three shifts, Dr. Ackles,” Michael told him, looking down at the folder in front of him. “We cannot let that go by unnoticed.”

“Now, wait just one minute, Dr. Weatherly,” Dr. Ferris said, but Jensen barreled on.

“Without good reason?” Jensen repeated. “What part of _my partner is ill_ are you not getting? Jake took more than two weeks off when his girlfriend wrapped her car around a pole at the beginning of the year. I don’t remember him facing anything like this.”

Michael shifted in his chair. “That’s hardly the same thing, Dr. Ackles.”

“How is it any different?”

“There were children involved,” Michael said quickly.

Jensen frowned, confused. “Jake doesn’t have any kids.”

“Dr. Ackles.” Michael’s voice was hard. “I understand that you are upset about your friend being ill, but that is not excuse to-”

“Friend?” Jensen interrupted. “Partner! Boyfriend! Fucking husband if it makes you feel any better!”

Michael’s eyes grew cold as Jensen watched, and Dr. Ferris looked away, refusing to meet his gaze.

Suddenly, Jensen knew exactly what the whole meeting was about.

“Dr. Ackles, we cannot make exceptions for you because your friend is in the hospital,” Michael went on, his tone clearly emphasizing the word ‘friend’. “I’m afraid disciplinary action will have to be taken.”

“So, if your wife was in the hospital, after she’d just attempted suicide, you would be at work, or facing disciplinary action because you took time off to be with her?” Jensen asked, already knowing the answer.

“Of course not, but that’s a completely different matter.”

“So, you’re telling me that I’m an exception because I’m gay? Because my partner is a man?”

“Jensen,” Michael said softly, but he didn’t follow up.

“The truth of the matter is, Dr. Ackles,” Dr. Ferris spat, “we’ve had some complaints regarding your behavior at work. Some of the other staff in the ER have expressed some concerns, and we simply felt that dealing with it like this would save everyone a lot of embarrassment.”

“Who?” Jensen demanded.

“I’m really not at liberty to discuss-”

“Who?!” he yelled. “If someone has been making allegations about me behind my back, then I have the right to know what’s being said, and by who.”

Dr. Ferris flushed, fumbling with the notes in front of her. “Well, Dr. – um, Dr. Hartley mentioned something-”

“Dr. Hartley?” Jensen cut her off. “Justin Hartley?”

“Yes.”

“Justin, my best friend, Justin, who, at this very moment, is sitting upstairs with Jared, because he didn’t want Jared to be alone while I was in this bullshit meeting. Justin, who traded shifts so that he could work upstairs so that Jared would have a familiar face looking after him. You mean that Justin?”

Dr. Ferris frowned and Michael blushed hard.

“I’m sorry, what?” Dr. Ferris asked. She turned in her chair to look at Michael. “Dr. Hartley is a friend of Dr. Ackles?”

Michael opened and closed his mouth, but no sound came out.

“Dr. Weatherly, you informed me that Dr. Hartley had made a complaint about Dr. Ackles for inappropriate behavior. I find it very hard to believe he would do that if he is as good a friend as Dr. Ackles says he is.”

“He’s gay!” Michael shouted. “How can we trust him with patients?”

Having had enough, Jensen stood up. “You know what? This is discrimination. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.”

“Jensen, please,” Dr. Ferris pleaded. “Had I any idea, I never would have agreed to this meeting.”

“How about just _talking_ to me? Or to Justin? Instead of treating me like I’m a fucking criminal.”

“Dr. Ackles,” Michael almost screeched. “Sit down. We’re not finished here.”

“You know what? Stick your damn job up your ass. I refuse to work for some homophobic bastard who wouldn’t know love if it jumped up and bit him on the ass.”

“How dare you!” Michael called after him.

Jensen turned and headed for the door, stopping just before he opened it. “You know, I’m not the only gay man working at this hospital,” he said over his shoulder. “In fact, I’m not even the only gay man in the ER.” He hated that he was dropping Misha in trouble, but he couldn’t seem to stop the words. “I’d hate to think of what will happen when they find out what went on here. You could be losing a lot of valuable doctors and nurses.”

Without waiting for an answer, he left the room, slamming the door hard behind him.

Jensen hurried through the ER until he reached the main doors. He could hear Danneel and Misha calling after him, but he ignored them. Even Jeff, probably down for a surgical consult, shouted at him.

Heaving a deep sigh, he stopped at the doors, before turning on his heel back to the nurses’ station.

“Are you okay?” Misha said, studying him closely. “You look pissed.”

“I _am_ pissed,” Jensen answered honestly. “Tell everyone to meet up in Jared’s room when their shift’s finished. Call Chris, Steve and Kelly too. I can’t face calling them right now.

He walked away before Misha could question him, passing Julie on his way out of the ER.

Jensen jogged across the ambulance port to the Seven Eleven at the corner of the block and pushed his way inside the store.

He got in line for the counter without thinking about it, and bought a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

Back outside, he stood under the overhang and lit the first cigarette from the pack.

The first of many.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image9.png)

“So, don’t take this the wrong way,” Jared said to the stillness of the room, “but why are you here?”

It had been ten minutes since Jensen left, and in that time, Justin and Jared hadn’t said a word, both of them pretending to watch the re-run of _Wheel of Fortune_. How Jared knew it was a re-run he would never know.

Justin sighed and leaned forward in his chair, resting his forearms on his thighs. “Man, I’m sorry, Jared. I really did come in here to try to get to know you a little better, but I honestly don’t know what to say.”

“Why don’t you start by telling me about this nurse Jensen’s so sure you’re dating?”

Justin laughed. “Nah, dude, that’s nothing serious. Her name’s Allison - Allie - and yeah, she’s pretty cute, but I don’t think I’m gonna be out shopping for a ring anytime soon.”

Jared nodded. “I guess it just seems strange to me that anyone would still be single. I’ve been with Jensen since I was sixteen years old, Josh and Jeff have gone off and got married, hell, even Chris and Steve have settled down, and I thought that would never happen. I guess I’m just one of those guys who wants all his friends to be happy and settled.” He shrugged. “Maybe that’s weird.”

Justin shook his head. “No, I don’t think it’s weird. But it’s not like I think I’m missing out on anything. Me and Danni, we’re both pretty similar, we’re too free-spirited to want to be tied down. We’re pretty tied to this job, and to be in a serious relationship right now, it just seems like too much to take on. Like, I don’t think I would have the energy to work on it, you know?”

Jared nodded. “Yeah, Jen and I worried about that same thing when he was in med school, but then we figured that if we were really meant to be, then we’d get through it. And we did.” He huffed out a laugh. “It was only _after_ that I fucked it all to hell.”

Justin shook his head. “Nope, I’ve been informed by almost everyone that I’m not allowed to let you blame yourself for any of this. So, shut the fuck up.” He grinned.

Jared laughed. “I’m really don’t know what I’ve done without you guys for the last four years.” He frowned. “You weren’t there four years ago, where you?” He sighed. “You know what I mean.”

“I do.” Justin scooted his chair closer to Jared’s bed and leaned in a little closer. “Come on, gimme the scoop on what those guys were like back then. Was Misha as crazy as he is now?”

“I’ve known Misha pretty much as long as I’ve known Jensen, but we were never really close, not until senior year of high school.”

“What happened senior year?”

“Jen and I weren’t out at school, you knew that, right? I mean, everyone knew we were best friends, lived down the street from each other and pretty much lived in each other’s pockets, but no one knew it was anything more than that. Our big plan was to go to prom together. School would be almost over, and we could deal with whatever shit people threw at us, ‘cause we’d have each other, right?” Jared laughed. “Didn’t exactly work out that way, though.”

“What happened?”

“There was about a week left until prom, and I was on my way to buy my ticket. Jen and I decided to buy them separately and tell everyone we were going stag and then just show up together. But when I got there, Misha was standing in the middle of the room, having a huge argument with the prom committee and the staff advisors. Turns out, he tried to buy two tickets, and when they asked for the name of his guest and he told them Adam Bennett, they freaked the fuck out.” Jared laughed. He could still remember the horrified look on Jessica Alba’s face as she and Misha stared each other down in the middle of the room. “Misha was told that it wasn’t right, or fair, that he be allowed to attend prom with a boy and they weren’t going to stand by and watch as he made a mockery out of the whole thing. The school backed them up.”

“No way!” Justin exclaimed. “That’s complete bullshit!”

“Yeah, I thought so, too. So I went home, and I told Jensen what happened, and we decided we were gonna go speak to Misha. I don’t even know whose idea it was, but one minute we were discussing how shitty it was that we weren’t allowed to go to prom with whoever we wanted to, and then next, we were protesting the school. It was fucking awesome, man. Our brothers and friends came out with us. We were in the local paper and everything.”

“Did they back down?”

Jared smiled. “My prom picture is with Jensen, like it was supposed to be.”

“You guys must have been a pretty overwhelming force.”

“Well, yeah, we had college kids and everything.” Jared frowned. “Looking back, I should have been more interested in the reasons why Steve and Chris were so angry about that.”

“Were you surprised?” Justin asked suddenly. “About Steve and Chris dating,” he added at Jared’s confused frown.

Jared chewed on his lower lip for a second, thinking about the whole thing. “I wasn’t surprised about Steve dating a guy, no. I’ve known since I was in college that Steve was most likely bi. Thinking about it now, looking back on stuff that happened when Jen and I were still in high school, I really shouldn’t have been surprised about Chris, but I still was, yeah.”

“Are you talking about the fact that he doesn’t talk to his parents?” At Jared’s startled look, Justin shrugged. “To be fair, I think I’m the only one of the new generation that’s figured it out.”

Jared nodded. “None of us know what happened back then. Well, I guess Steve knows, but the rest of us.” He shrugged. “I think they were in their junior year of college, and one day, Jensen and I realized that Chris had spent every vacation since the Christmas of his sophomore year living in Jensen’s house No one said why, no one even mentioned it. If it wasn’t for the fact that Jensen picked up the mail one day and saw letters for Chris, I honestly don’t think we ever would have figured it out. Chris was such a part of our lives that it felt a little weird without him around.”

“You think it was the gay thing?” Justin asked and Jared shrugged again.

“Jensen told me that Chris and Steve have been together a lot longer than they thought, so, yeah, I think Chris might have tried to tell his parents and it didn’t go so well. Might have been why he didn’t want to tell us before he was sure.” Jared shifted against the bed.

Justin gave him a tight smile. “You don’t really wanna be talking about this, do you?”

Jared laughed, surprised to find that Justin was so good at reading people. It was probably one of the reasons he made such a good doctor. “I just don’t want people thinking I’m talking about them behind their backs. Chris never came to us with any of this, which I figure there was a good reason for.”

“Because Chris never talks about anything he doesn’t have to,” Justin pointed out. “I honestly think Steve would have to tie him down before he got Chris to talk about anything that was bothering him.” The doctor paused, a vaguely disgusted look crossing his face. “Oh, God, now I have all these images of Chris tied to a bed while Steve does things to him running through my mind.”

Jared laughed. “That’s nothing. Our brothers have walked in on me and Jensen doing a lot more than just tying each other to a bed, hell, we probably gave Chris and Steve ideas.”

“That’s weird,” Justin said suddenly.

“What is?”

“You and Jen both consider Jeff, Josh, Chris and Steve to be your big brothers, probably Mackenzie and Megan your little sisters, but neither of you consider the other to be your brother. It’s weird.”

“Well, I think if I considered Jensen my brother, the things we’ve done to each other would probably get us locked up. Or committed.” He winked. “It’s kind of a federal crime to fuck your brother.”

Justin reached out to shove him gently. “Smart ass, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do, and I honestly can’t explain it. Maybe it’s because Jeff and the others were so much older than us, the girls a lot younger. Jensen and I are the same age, so we were always just…us. I dunno. Jensen was never my brother, he was just…everything else.”

Justin grinned. “I think that’s the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. No wonder Jensen doesn’t want to let you go.”

“Trust me, I’m not going anywhere.”

The doctor studied him for a few minutes, like he was trying to figure Jared out, his lower lip caught between his teeth, and Jared tried not to squirm under the intense gaze.

Finally, a smile broke out across Justin’s face. “You know, Jared, you’re a pretty cool guy. I think you’ll fit in just fine with our little group.”

Jared scoffed to cover his relief and apparently being found worthy. “Please, I already know I fit in here, it’s you and Danni who have to worry.”

Justin’s smile faded and a warm blush crawled across his cheeks. “Oh, shit, man, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just, this is…”

“Relax, Justin, I’m just kidding.” Jared sighed and looked down at his lap. “I know this isn’t really my place anymore, but I’m gonna try and fit in with you guys again. This is where I wanna be. I never should have left him.” He shook his head sadly.

“I think it’s more a point of him leaving you.”

“Yeah, but I should have gone with him. I should have told him all about Sandy’s threats, about everything. I’ve never had any secrets from him. Never, not since the day we met. I feel like I’ve let him down.”

The door opened then, and Jared and Justin both turned as a tall blonde woman stepped into the room. She looked to be around Jeff’s age, and Jared knew before she introduced herself that she was his therapist.

Justin stood up from his chair. “Thanks for the chat, Jay.” He winked. “You know, you’re a pretty cool guy, I think we’re gonna get along just fine.” He bumped his fist with Jared and picked his white coat and tie off the floor, nodding at the therapist as he walked towards the door.

She smiled at him. “Dr. Hartley.”

And then Justin was gone and it was just Jared and his new therapist.

“Hi, Jared.” She crossed the room until she was standing next to his bed and held out her hand. “I’m Dr. Riesgraf.”

Jared shook her hand. He knew her name was Beth, Jensen had told Jared all about her, explained she was the therapist he was going to try to convince Jared to see before his suicide attempt forced him to see her.

Beth sat down in the chair Justin had vacated and Jared sighed and threw his head back against the pillow. “Figures you’d turn up when I was feeling all depressed again.”

The therapist pulled a yellow legal pad out of her bag and uncapped a pen. “Is that how you’re feeling, Jared? Depressed?”

Jared shook his head. “Yes. No. I don’t even know anymore. Jensen said I was depressed before the whole pill cocktail thing. Guess that just proved him right.”

“You wanna tell me about that?” Beth asked, scribbling on her pad.

Jared shrugged. “I don’t remember much about it, Jensen told me what happened, from his side of things anyway.”

“What’s the last thing you do remember?” Dr. Riesgraf asked.

Jared furrowed his brow, thinking back to that morning. “I had a fight with Sandy, my…the woman I used to live with.”

“Where the two of you involved?”

Jared shook his head. “Through blackmail. Four years ago, I woke up in her bed, and she told me that if I didn’t leave my current partner for her, she’d tell him everything about what happened between us and make sure he could never work as a doctor.”

Beth nodded her head slowly, like she was piecing everything together. “And you agreed?”

“Jensen is the most important person in my life, he always has been and he always will be. Not being able to work as a doctor would have destroyed him. I couldn’t do that to him.”

Beth frowned. “Jensen? As in Jensen Ackles, who works at this hospital?”

“That’s the one. We’ve been together since we were twelve years old.” Jared knew that that wasn’t exactly the truth, but now, when he thought back to his teenage years in Dallas, how he never thought about dating until he thought about dating Jensen, it seemed accurate.

“That’s…a long time,” Beth blinked.

“Damn long time. Until I went and fucked everything up.”

“You didn’t think of just telling Jensen what happened? I’m assuming you slept with this Sandy girl?”

“At the time, yeah, that’s exactly what I thought I did. I just…I just couldn’t get past the fact that I’d betrayed him. Jensen was – is – perfect and amazing and wonderful, everything I could possibly ever want. What kind of person would do something like sleep with someone else, cheat on the one person they loved more than life itself? I didn’t deserve him after that, so I took Sandy’s deal. I stayed with her, and Jensen moved here without me. He was able to move on with his career and I forced myself to pretend to care about this vile, disgusting excuse for a woman.” Jared sneered. “I forced myself into being in the relationship because I deserved to be punished for cheating on Jensen.”

Beth paused in her writing to look up at him through her bangs. “You’re telling me this was some sort of self-harm?”

Jared shrugged. “That’s what Jensen said. He wanted me to come see you, he was gonna make an appointment before all the shit hit the fan.”

Beth nodded. “I would have agreed, if you’d managed to come see me before that shit started flying.” She looked down at her notes again. “Tell me about the fight you had with Sandy the morning of the overdose.”

Jared took a deep breath. He knew that the fight was the catalyst for everything that had happened in recent days, but voicing it out loud to someone he didn’t know made him more than a little embarrassed. “Sandy told me that the night we slept together, what I thought was the _only_ night we’d slept together, she staged the whole thing. She spiked my drink, somehow got me away from my friends, and took me back to her place, where she stripped me and put me in her bed to pass out. I don’t remember anything about that night, so when I woke up and Sandy told me that we’d had sex, I didn’t have a reason to not believe her.”

“And how did you feel? Finding out that she’d lied to you all this time?”

“Ridiculous,” Jared thought, thinking back. “Stupid.”

“Suicidal?” Beth interrupted, and Jared slid his gaze over to her and shrugged again.

“I don’t think I wanted to die,” he told her honestly. “I don’t think I could ever really imagine leaving Jensen. Not on purpose anyway.”

“So, why take the pills? Did you expect he would be the one to come and find you?”

Jared chuckled. “He was the one who found me, but, no, that’s not why I did it. It wasn’t some lame attempt at seeing him again, not that I can remember anyway.”

The sound of Beth’s pen on the paper made Jared want to pull his hair out, but it wasn’t like he could ask her to stop. She was the one who was going to decide if he was sane enough to be let out of the hospital, or if he needed locking up in the psych ward.

“Do you remember anything about that morning? What you were thinking when you decided to take the pills?”

Jared let his head fall back against the pillow and he stared at the ceiling for a few minutes, trying to get his thoughts in order so that he wouldn’t end up sounding like a suicidal idiot.

“I don’t want to die,” he said finally. “That’s not what it was about.”

“Then what was it about?” Beth’s voice was calm, almost kind, and Jared wondered how many times she’d had to do something like this before.

“I sorta figured that…everyone would be better off without me. I’ve fucked up so many lives over the past four years; not just mine and Jensen’s, but our brothers’, our parents’, our sisters’, friends’.” He thought about Justin and Danneel and snorted a laugh. “Hell, even people I don’t know have been affected by the shitty decisions I made. I guess I just thought, if I wasn’t here anymore, no one would have to deal with me and they could all be happy and get on with their lives.”

“And now?”

Jared laughed. “Jen and Jeff really tore into me when they found out what I’d done. Gave me serious hell.”

“And that was enough to change your mind?”

He shook his head. “It made me realize that my killing myself was more likely to cause more pain than it fixed. The thought of Jensen hurting again because of something I’d done was enough to make me re-think that decision.”

The therapist eyed him skeptically. “So, no thoughts of raiding the hospital pharmacy? Or finding something sharp?”

“No, no, definitely not. I’ll never go down that road again, if only ‘cause hospital stays really suck, man.” He laughed, but trailed off quickly when he realized the doctor didn’t join in.

Beth was staring at the scars along his arm, the result of his fall through the coffee table, the event that had set everything else in motion.

“What happened there? It looks serious.”

“No, it was…I tripped over one of my dogs and tried to catch myself with a glass coffee table. It shattered under my weight, obviously. Dr. Harris treated me; saw the glass in the cuts, if you wanna ask her.”

Dr. Riesgraf hummed in reply, hastily scribbling away, and Jared couldn’t help but think that his stupid accident just cost him his chance of getting discharged.

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

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Danneel pushed away from the desk of the nurses’ station, where she was pretending to read a patient file, as soon as Beth Riesgraf left Jared’s room.

She’d been in there for almost two hours, talking about God only knew what, and Danneel had had to send Justin, Misha and Kelly down to the cafeteria, just to get away from their worrying stares.

She was worrying just fine on her own.

“Beth,” she called, hurrying over, her heels clicking sharply on the tile floor.

Beth nodded her head. “Dr. Harris. Danneel.”

“I’m Jared’s doctor, can you tell me how he is?” It was a little bit of a lie. Since being moved from the ER, Justin had asked to be temporarily reassigned to Jared’s department; so technically, he was Jared’s doctor now. Still, Beth wasn’t likely to know that.

Beth looked back over her shoulder at the door, like she was afraid Jared would hear them talking about him, and then she took several steps away, drawing Danneel with her.

“Jared says he was treated here a few weeks ago for a laceration in his arm. He said you treated him.”

Danneel nodded, remembering the night with vivid clarity. “Yeah, that’s right.”

“He said he fell through a glass coffee table?” Beth made it a question, and Danneel knew what she was trying to imply.

“Yes, he did, I saw the glass in the wound myself. I can get you his file if you need proof.” The protective nature she and Kelly shared for the boys in their lives kicked in at the idea of Beth believing that this was not Jared’s first failed suicide attempt.

The therapist smiled. “That won’t be necessary. I’m sure you would have reported it if you felt the need.”

“I didn’t ‘feel the need’ because there was no need to be felt. Jared fell through a coffee table. End of story.”

Beth nodded but said nothing more.

“So, can I let him go home or not?” There was no medical reason for her to keep Jared in the hospital, and as he was getting released into the care of a doctor, she knew he would be in the best hands possible if anything did go wrong.

The only reason he would be staying in Mass General was because Beth had deemed him mentally unstable and had him admitted.

“Not yet. Suicide patients must be kept in the hospital for seventy-two hours, regardless of their mental state,” Dr. Riesgraf told her politely. “After that, I see no psychological reason to keep him here. He is, I’m sad to say, a very depressed young man, but being around friends and family again seems to be having a positive effect on him. I have prescribed anti-depressants and I’m recommending therapy sessions. Twice weekly to start with until I begin to see an improvement in his mental state, and then we’ll take it from there.”

“Who are you recommending?” Danneel knew Beth had a number of other therapists on her staff, and she was a little worried about introducing yet another new person to Jared’s life.

“I’m taking his case myself,” Beth told her, a small smile on her lips. “Jared expressed some reservations about meeting new people, after what the last new person he was introduced to did to him.”

And once more, Danneel had to quell the urge to hunt Sandy down and rip her hair out by the roots.

Shaking her head a little to get rid of the image, she smiled at Beth. “I’m sure it’s no secret that Jensen Ackles is a very good friend of mine, and by default, so is Jared, but I will admit that, during the little time we’ve spent together, he is rather closed off if Jensen or his brothers aren’t around.”

She felt a little bad about discussing Jared when he wasn’t around, but if it helped Beth with her treatment, then she was all for it.

Beth nodded. “I don’t think something like this will turn into full blown xenophobia, but it will be something I will be taking into consideration during our sessions.”

“Of course.”

“Okay, then I’d like to set up his first appointment for the beginning of next week. If you could tell him to give me a call.” Beth gave Danneel a curt nod, then marched down the hallway.

Danneel watched her go for several minutes, shaking her head in disbelief.

“That is one weird doctor.”

An orderly stopped outside Jared’s room and picked a tray off her cart.

“I’ll take that,” Danneel told her, stepping forward and taking the tray from her hands.

The orderly stared at her like she’d just said she was going to riverdance in the middle of the hallway.

“Um, are you sure, Dr. Harris?”

“Yes,” Danneel snapped. Maybe Jensen was right; maybe she should spend a little more time being nicer to the orderlies and nurses. She was fine with Misha, but apparently that wasn’t good enough.

The orderly was still staring at her.

“Don’t you have more food to deliver?”

She squeaked and pushed her cart away from the door.

“Um, thank you!” Danneel called to her, but she didn’t even turn around.

“Maybe orderlies should have better manners,” she grumbled under her breath as she pushed open the door to Jared’s room.

“Hey, superstar,” she said brightly and she knew she was overcompensating, but she couldn’t seem to help herself.

Jared blinked at her from his bed. “Oh, hi. I, um, I thought Justin would be back. He’s kinda taken up residence in here.”

Danneel set his tray on the over bed table and wheeled it up so he could reach it. “I sent him to the cafeteria with Misha and Kelly. He was seriously pacing outside in the hallway waiting for Beth to be done. It was really starting to get on my nerves.” She giggled. “I was nervous enough on my own, didn’t need him adding to it.”

Jared cringed. “Did you talk to her? What did she say?”

“Anti-depressants and twice weekly therapy sessions to start with, but she wasn’t too concerned with anything.”

Jared shook his head. “She was concerned with the scars on my arm, you know? From the accident?”

“Yeah, she asked about that. I told her I’d get your medical file if she wanted to check it out, but she seemed to take my word for it.”

“So…what does that mean?”

Danneel grinned. “Means you get to spend seventy-two hours in our wonderful company and then we can send you home with Jensen.”

Jared sighed and relaxed back against his pillows, all the tension draining out of him. “Fuck.” He blushed and looked up at her through his bangs. “Um, sorry.”

Danneel laughed. “Jay, I hang out with Chris and Steve. You really think I’d get offended by a little cussing? If I wasn’t able to hold my own, I never would have survived this long.”

“I guess that’s true.” Jared smiled a huge beaming grin that brought dimples to his cheeks and Danneel wondered if this was the real Jared finally shining through.

“I know being in here sucks, but whether you like it or not, you tried to end your own life, Jared. That’s something we take kinda seriously around here.”

Jared blushed and looked away. “I know, and I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused. I don’t wanna die. That’s not what it was about.”

“You just wanted to make the pain stop. I know.”

Jared nodded, but it was clear he didn’t have anything more to say, anything to add to what he’d been telling everyone since he woke up.

With a grin, Danneel kicked off her high-heeled pumps and pulled back the sheets on the bed. “Scoot over.”

Jared seemed bewildered by her actions, but it wasn’t anything she hadn’t done a million times with all her other boys, so she simply shoved him a few times until he got the message and he moved over enough so that she could crawl into bed next to him, resettling the bedclothes over both of them.

After a few seconds of blinking at her, Jared simply shrugged and eyed the covered tray Danneel had brought in with her warily. “Awesome. What culinary mulch have they brought me now?”

Danneel laughed. “Come on, sweetie, you have to give your throat a chance to recover from that tube I had to stuff down it since you didn’t barf up those pills. There’s a lot of trauma that comes from something like that, you’re not gonna be able to go back to eating fries and wings just like that.”

Still, even though Danneel knew she was right, as she pulled the cover off and revealed the plate of lumpy oatmeal underneath, she lost a little of her enthusiasm.

“Damn, I’m pretty sure even Justin can cook better than this,” she said as she stuck a spoon into the goopy mixture.

Jared made a face. “I’m pretty sure my dogs can cook better than this, Dan.”

The nickname that rolled so easily off Jared’s tongue made Danneel proud in a weird way, like maybe the old Jared that she’d heard so much about wasn’t gone completely.

“Well, we’re just gonna have to live with it,” she told him.

“’We’?” he repeated. “There is no ‘we’ here. There is only me and that…stuff that shouldn’t even be labeled food.”

Danneel eyed the oatmeal for a second. “Alright, we’ll share it.”

“What?”

“Come on, what kind of doctor would I be if I couldn’t eat the food in my own hospital?” She took a deep breath and lifted a spoonful of oatmeal to her mouth. She gagged as she tried to swallow it down. “Good God, that’s vile,” she sputtered as she passed the spoon off to Jared.

“I have to give you points for trying,” Jared laughed.

Jared was saved from his own spoonful of shit by the door of his room opening again and Jensen sliding in.

He stopped just inside the door and stared at the two of them in the bed. “Well, this is a new development.”

Danneel shrugged, while beside her, Jared stiffened.

“This is not what it looks like, Jen.”

Jensen chuckled. “It’s exactly what it looks like. Danni has a weird thing for getting into bed with every single one of us. Of course, with the rest of us, it took her longer than a couple days.”

Danneel huffed. “Way to make me sound like a slut, Jensen.”

“I only speak the truth, princess.” He walked around to the other side of Jared’s bed until he could perch on the edge of the mattress.

“Hey, is everything okay?” Jared asked, and Danneel could hear the concern in his voice.

“Sure,” Jensen answered with a grin, turning to see what was on the tray.

“No, it’s not.” Danneel could see the frown creasing Jared’s forehead and she wrinkled own her brow in confusing. Jensen looked fine to her.

She watched as Jensen’s cheerful smile vanished and he looked down at his hands.

“Jen, what’s going on?”

Jensen shook his head. “Don’t worry about it now; the others are meeting us here. We can talk about it then.”

Jared didn’t look convinced. “Jensen, something’s wrong. You’ve been smoking. You only do that when you’re upset.”

Danneel couldn’t hold in her gasp of surprise. She never knew that Jensen smoked.

“I know,” he mumbled, staring at his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m done now, though. I threw the pack away.”

“Jensen-”

“You know,” Jensen cut him off. “I don’t know if it’s extremely comforting or really pathetic to know that I’ve changed so little in the past four years that you can still read me like a book.”

Jared smiled, but it was strained. “Please tell me.”

Jensen shook his head again. “Seriously, there’s nothing anyone can do right now, and I’d really rather just tell everyone all at once so I don’t have to keep going over it again and again.” He turned and looked at Danneel. “Where are Justin and Misha? I told them to come here as soon as their shift ended.”

“I sent them to get some coffee with Kelly. They should be back soon.” She frowned again. “Jensen, what exactly happened in that meeting?”

“And once again, for the redhead riding the short bus, I’m saying nothing until everyone’s here.” He took a spoonful of Jared’s oatmeal and gagged much like Danneel had. “Oh, God, this is disgusting.”

Jared laughed. “Yeah, it isn’t exactly haute cuisine.”

“I’m getting you Wendy’s or something.”

Danneel growled at him. “Jensen, you know he’s not allowed shit like that yet. You’re a doctor, for Christ’s sake.”

Jensen flinched and Danneel knew that if she saw it, then Jared did, too.

He reached out to take Jensen’s hand, although his movements were shy and hesitant.

“Jen?” he asked, ducking his head to meet Jensen’s eyes.

Danneel watched as Jensen squeezed Jared’s hand and gave him a tight smile. “It’s fine. Everything’s gonna be fine.”

Danneel took a deep breath.

Another pile of shit had hit the fan.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

Jeff was the last one to come through the door, still dressed in his blue scrubs, his sneakers squeaking on the tiled floor.

“Sorry, emergency appendectomy,” he apologized, crossing the room quickly to Kelly’s side, where she was sitting in a chair nursing Layla.

Danneel hadn’t moved from her place in the bed next to Jared, and Jensen had made himself comfortable on the other side, leaning back against Jared’s chest as he waited for the others to arrive.

But now that they were all present, nerves crept in and he sat up straight, knowing he was going to cause some serious waves with the bomb he was about to drop.

“Alright, come on, Jen,” Chris said. “What did you call us all here for?”

“Yeah,” Justin agreed from the floor, where Cameron was using him as a jungle gym. “I had to pull some major strings to get us all in here, so get on with it.”

Cameron chose that moment to smack Justin in the face with an open palm, giggling happily at the doctor’s pained grunt.

“Oh, my God, here.” He picked Cameron up under the armpits and held him above his head, apparently not caring who took the toddler off his hands.

Steve finally took pity on him and settled Cameron on his hip.

“Jensen,” Danneel whined. “Just spit it out.”

Jensen looked around the room, watching as each one of them watched him, waiting for him to spill whatever news he had to give, but the words stuck in his throat, refused to be spoke and Jensen had no idea what to do.

“Hey,” Jeff said, “maybe if we get Jared home, we’ll be able to look after him better and Jensen would feel happier about going back to work.”

“Hey, I am not a child,” Jared pouted behind. “I might not be in the best mental state right now, but I can look after myself.”

“Besides,” Jensen broke in before Steve and Jeff pointed out that it was only in Jared’s best interests that one of them be there at all times, “for Jensen to go back to work, Jensen would have to have a job. And right now, he is sorely lacking in that department.”

There was silence in the room, broken only by Layla’s gurgles and Cameron’s giggles.

Misha leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “What are you talking about?”

“I quit,” Jensen said simply. “Couple hours ago.”

“The meeting,” Jared said in a whisper.

Jensen looked at him over his shoulder. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I just wanted to get this all out there in one go.”

Jared gave him a tight smile, like he completely understood, but Jensen hadn’t even got to the best part of the story.

“Wait, hang on,” Jeff said, waving his hands. “What meeting? With who?”

“Michael Weatherly,” Jensen told him. “At least, that’s who I thought it was with, but when I went down there, Samantha Ferris was there, too.”

Jeff, Justin, Misha and Danneel all sucked in a breath.

“I take it that means something?” Steve said into the quiet.

“She’s our Chief-of-Staff,” Justin explained. “So what did she say to you?”

Jensen barked out a laugh. “Ferris? Not much. But Michael, he had a lot to say.”

Jeff narrowed his eyes. “Like what?”

“Oh, you know, the usual. He’s pressing disciplinary charges for me missing work the last couple days.” It wasn’t the whole truth, and Jensen knew it would only take another few minutes for that to come out.

“Wait, didn’t you explain to him that your partner was in the hospital?” Chris challenged. “Isn’t there allowances for stuff like that?”

“Apparently, it doesn’t count if your partner is the same sex as you are.”

The room exploded.

“What the fuck?!” Jeff yelled. Kelly kicked him in the shin and jerked her head at Cameron, who was thankfully dozing on Steve’s shoulder. Jeff shrugged in apology.

“No, seriously,” Misha said calmly. “He can’t have meant it like that. What exactly did he say?”

Jensen sighed. “He said that I could expect special treatment just because my friend is in the hospital.”

“Friend,” Chris snorted, but everyone ignored him as Jensen continued.

“When I explained that Jared wasn’t my friend, he was my boyfriend, partner, he said there had been complaints regarding my behavior at work and he’s using my being MIA as an excuse.”

Danneel sat forward a little to see around Jared. “Complaints? What complaints?”

“Concerns. That’ all he’d say.”

“Did she say who?”

“Oh, this is the best part,” Jensen chuckled dryly. “Justin Hartley.”

Justin jumped to his feet. “I didn’t, Jen. I swear to God, I didn’t.”

Jensen gave him a tight smile. “I know that, Justin.”

Kelly waved one hand in the air, getting everyone’s attention. “What did what’s-his-name say when you said Justin was a friend of yours?”

“He had the grace to look embarrassed, I’ll give him that,” Jensen said through gritted teeth.

“But not enough to stop whatever he wanted to do?” Danneel asked. Jensen turned to look at her, and he finally understood why Chris and Jeff were so scared of her. The look in the redhead’s eyes was murderous and he would feel sorry for Michael Weatherly if he weren’t such a bigot.

“What did he say? Exactly.” Jeff folded his arms over his chest and glared at Jensen from the other side of the room.

Jensen sighed. “He kept referring to Jared as my friend, refused to listen to me when I tried to explain things to him. Then he said I couldn’t expect preferential treatment just because my ‘friend’ was in the hospital and disciplinary action would have to be taken.”

“Wait a minute,” Justin said slowly. “Jake took more than two weeks off when his girlfriend ran her car into a pole. How is that different?”

“Oh, ‘cause there were kids involved,” Jensen told them, his tone flippant.

“Jake doesn’t have kids!” Danneel screeched. “I’m gonna kill him. I’m gonna rip his tiny little head off!” She struggled against the bedclothes, trying to get out of the bed.

“Danni, don’t,” Chris scolded.

Jensen watched as Jared grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back into the bed. After a moment of struggling, Danneel relaxed, collapsing against Jared’s chest.

“We have to do this right,” Chris said in a cool voice as they waited for Danneel to calm down. “You running off half-cocked and causing a scene in the middle of a hospital is not the best idea.”

Danneel huffed. “I hate it when you use logic. You’re as hot-headed as I am. You should be on my side.”

Chris smirked. “I _am_ on your side, which is exactly the reason why I’m not letting you out of my sight until you promise not to do anything stupid.” He shifted in his seat a little bit. “And I’m also a little terrified by the thought of agreeing with you on anything.”

Danneel grinned at him.

“I’m gonna call Tom,” Jensen said, just to stop their cat fight. “I mean, I don’t know what he can do, I already told them where they could stick their jobs.”

“Who’s Tom?” Jared asked.

“Tom Welling, he’s my lawyer.”

Misha smiled at him. “Don’t worry, Jen, we’ll think of something.”

Jensen cringed. “There’s something else. I got so mad down there, so upset at what they weren’t saying, that I told them I wasn’t the only gay man working in the ER. I’m sorry, Misha. I didn’t mention any names, but I still outed you and I never should have done that. That was so far beyond crossing the line.”

Misha shrugged. “It’s not a big deal, Jensen, don’t worry about it.”

“God, this is all my fault.”

Jensen turned on the bed until he could look at Jared, and he could clearly see the defeated, downtrodden expression on his face.

“What are you talking about?”

Jared sighed and looked down at his hands. “Jensen, I’m sorry. None of this would be happening if it weren’t for me.”

Jensen felt a cold shiver run down his spine and he glared at the man in the bed. “Okay, shut the hell up with that crap right now.”

Jared shook his head. Jensen could practically see the guilt leaking out of him.

“No, Jen. If I’d stayed in Texas, or stayed away or…” he cut himself off, as if saying the words would be as hard as Jensen hearing them. “You’d still have a job.”

Jensen surged to his feet and whirled to face him. “Oh, you think it’s better that I still have a job than whether or not you’re alive?” He sighed and shook his head. “Shut the fuck up, JT.”

“Jensen-”

“No!” Jensen shouted, spinning away to stare out the window, so that Jared couldn’t see the pain Jared’s thoughts and feelings were causing. “I’m not listening to you spill that garbage. When it comes down to a job or _you_ , there is no question.” He took a deep breath and turned back to face Jared. “Alright?”

There was silence in the room. No one felt brave enough to break the tension.

“Well, I’m gonna go…get away from the awkwardness,” Danneel said, blunt and to the point as always. She scooted to the edge of the bed until she could throw her legs over the side and get her feet back into her shoes. “I have a meeting I need to try to schedule anyway, thankfully not with Ferris or Weatherly.”

“What meeting?” Jensen asked.

Danneel reached across the bed to pat him on the head. “Nothing for you to worry about, my pretty. Just something that I need to take care of.”

“We should go, too,” Kelly said, now that the uneasy atmosphere was shot by Danneel. “Gotta get the kids to bed and Jeff in a shower.” She wrinkled her nose at her husband.

Jeff gave an offended snort.

“We’ll walk you out,” Steve said, standing up straight from his lean against the wall. Cameron was still asleep against his shoulder.

One by one they said their goodbyes, for once no one asking Jensen if he wanted a ride home, and he was thankful for that.

Instead he waited until Justin and Misha had closed the door after them, and then returned to the bed, sitting down on the mattress so that he could see the other man clearly.

“So, we gonna stop this whole ‘it would be better if I were dead’ thing?”

Jared looked away. “I didn’t mean it like that, Jen. I don’t wanna be dead. Seriously, the therapist told Danneel I wasn’t suicidal.”

Jensen blinked. “I’m sorry, I forgot to ask in all the excitement, how did it go?”

“Well, she’s decided I’m not suicidal, so that’s something I guess. She’s given me anti-depressants and I have to go to therapy twice a week.” Jared grinned, a little sheepishly. “But I gotta stay here for seventy-two hours. Observation, apparently.”

Jensen nodded. “That’s standard for suicide attempts.

Jared groaned. “God, I just want everyone to stop talking about it like that. That’s not what I wanted. I don’t even know why I did it.”

Jensen reached forward to hug Jared, to comfort him, his arms wrapping around his shoulders and squeezing tightly, Jared hugging back just as hard.

When they pulled back, it was second nature to Jensen, even after four long years, to press his lips to Jared’s.

The kiss was soft, chaste, and for the first time since he’d got on a plane to Boston, Jensen felt like he was home.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

Eric Kripke was a busy man. Of course, he was the Editor-in-Chief of the _Boston Herald_ , so it stood to reason that he would have a hundred and one things to; deadlines to meet, staff meetings to attend, layouts to approve, and whatever else Editors-in-Chief did.

But when the beautiful redhead dropped a manila envelope on his desk and he saw what was inside, Eric knew his day was about to get a whole lot worse.

“Where did you get this?” he asked the woman, sparing her a quick glance as flipped through the pages. He found her smiling serenely at him, like she knew exactly what she was handing over.

“Who are you?” he barked at her. He set down the folder and clicked open his computer calendar and frowned at the name penciled into the timeslot. Rachel Gatina.

“Ms. Gatina-” he started, but she cut him off.

“Who I am isn’t important, Mr. Kripke,” she said firmly. “What _is_ important are the documents you’re holding.”

Eric’s eyes grew wide as he looked back at the folder and turned another page, only to find a picture of himself looking back at him. He knew exactly where it was taken. Vegas. Last year, during Robert Singer’s birthday party.

“Look, if this is some kind of attempt at blackmailing me, I think you’ll find it won’t work.”

She cocked her head to one side, as if she was considering the option. “As tempting as that sounds, I think there would be better ways to execute that plan than to give you all my evidence, don’t you think?” She shifted in her chair, crossed her legs, then looked at him with a penetrating stare. “I believe you have a journalist on your staff by the name of Sandra McCoy?”

Eric nodded. “Sandy, yes. She’s an investigative journalist, a very promising young woman. Very good at her job.”

The redhead pointed at the folder with a nod of her head. “Yes, I can see exactly how good she is.”

Eric looked down at the files, realization hitting him like a sledgehammer.

“Are you trying to tell me that Sandy McCoy created this file?”

The woman, Rachel or whatever her name was, nodded. “Ms. McCoy has a reputation of getting what she wants, and she’s not afraid to lie, cheat, or manipulate her way into getting it. I’ve seen firsthand what her actions are capable of, and I don’t want to see anyone else go down that road.”

“And that’s why you’re giving me this?” Eric asked.

The woman smiled. “Ms. McCoy is obviously gathering blackmail material on influential people at this paper. I’ve seen what effects her manipulations can cause and I don’t want anyone else admitted to my ER due to suicide attempts because of what she’s done.”

Eric felt his face grow pale. “What did she do?”

The woman, a doctor apparently, smiled at him. “I’d really rather not discuss the private lives of my patients, never mind the fact that the patient in question is actually a very good friend of mine. All I will say is that I found that file when I was packing his things to move him out of her apartment.”

“After he attempted suicide because of Sandy?”

“As a direct result of her actions, yes.”

“I assume you’re talking about Sandy’s boyfriend, Jared?”

“ _Boyfriend_.” She snorted the word, like it disgusted her. “Jared was no more Sandy’s boyfriend than you are mine. Sandy used him because he was in a position to get her what she wanted, and she ruined his relationship with his partner while she did it. And she didn’t care.”

“Doctor, I don’t know what has happened between Sandy and Jared, but I can assure you that Sandy’s personal life will not be taken into consideration on this matter,” Eric told her.

“Mr. Kripke, would you like to know how Sandy reacted when I told her that Jared, the man she paraded around as her boyfriend for the last four years, had attempted to take his own life?”

“Doctor, I really don’t think-”

“She laughed.”

Eric paused and looked up at her, his blood running cold in his veins. “Excuse me?”

The doctor smiled and stood up. “I’m afraid I’ve said more than I meant to. I really just came by to give you the file. I trust you’ll take appropriate action.”

Eric looked back down at the file, at the investigations into his, and other peoples’, personal lives.

Eric nodded. “Yes, Ms. McCoy will be dealt with.”

The doctor extended her hand. “Thank you for meeting with me, Mr. Kripke. I understand you’re a busy man.”

Eric shook her hand firmly. “Thank you for bringing this to my attention, Dr. Gatina.”

She smiled and flipped her red hair over her shoulder. “Have a good day.”

Eric watched her leave, then hit the button on the intercom for his assistant.

 _“Sir?”_ her crackly voice said.

“Erica, could you please ask Sandy McCoy to come to my office as soon as she gets in.”

_“Yes, sir.”_

“Thank you.” Eric hung up and looked back down at the file, at the dozens of photographs and countless paperwork.

Sandy had seemed such a nice, sweet girl.

It really proved the point that you never could really know anyone.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

Jared slumped back against the pillows of his hospital bed when the door opened to reveal none other than Danneel. She looked truly gorgeous in a high-waisted black skirt, white blouse and black heels, but she still wasn’t the person Jared was hoping to see.

“Well, hello to you, too, grumpy,” she said as she practically skipped across the floor to perch on the end of the bed. Normally, when she came to visit him, she’d kick off her shoes and climb into the bed next to him, but seeing as how he was currently fully dressed and waiting to get the fuck out of the hospital, she had to make do with the end of the bed.

“Sorry,” Jared mumbled under his breath. “I’m just waiting for Misha and Justin to get back.”

“Hmm, yeah,” she agreed, swinging her legs. “I was gonna stop by Jensen’s to see you when I got out of my meeting, but then Jeff text to say you were still here, and, well, this place was closer. Why are you still here anyway? Justin and I left all your forms and shit when I left here yesterday. You were supposed to be gone already.”

Jared shrugged. “I don’t even know. Something about my blood pressure being too high, or my heart rate, or something, so Justin wanted to monitor it for a little while longer, to make sure nothing was really wrong.”

Danneel hopped down from the mattress, the heels of her shoes making soft clicks as she landed, and moved to stand in front of Jared. She picked up his wrist, and placed two fingers against his pulse point, counting on her watch.

“It’s a little high, I guess, but I think it’s excitement at the thought of getting out of here rather than anything else.”

“That’s what Jensen and Misha said,” Jared told her. “He finally listened and sent Jensen to bring the car around while they went to do the last of…whatever it is that has to be done for me to be officially checked out.” He sighed. “That was twenty minutes ago.”

Danneel patted his head. “We’ll give them another ten and then I’ll go look for them.”

Jared nodded, agreeing with her plan, and she sat done beside him again.

“Where were you?” he asked after a few minutes of silence. Usually, he wouldn’t ask something like that of someone he’d just met a few short days ago, but Danneel had apparently decided to skip the whole introduction to friendship stage and jumped straight into the best friends stage. She treated Jared like she’d known him for four years instead of just four days, so Jared followed her lead.

She squirmed a little. “Huh?”

“Well, you said you had a meeting, but you’re dressed up all fancy. What kind of meeting was it?”

Danneel shifted in her seat and chewed on her lower lip, her eyes wide. “Um…”

Jared laughed. “Wow, you just have guilt pouring off of you right now. Where the hell where you?”

She sighed and let all pretense of innocence drop. “Look, it’s not really important, okay? If it comes back to bite me in the ass, then I’ll tell everyone everything. But for now, I think it might be better if you don’t know anything, so just let it go. Please?”

Jared frowned. “Dan, what did you do?”

“It’s nothing, nothing I could go to prison for, so just relax. Trust me, it was for the best.”

Jared sighed. He trusted Danneel. She saved his life, of course he trusted her, so he knew she wouldn’t do anything stupid or illegal. But he also knew that she wasn’t going to tell him unless she absolutely had to, so he let the subject drop.

Besides, the only reason she would keep it from him was if it involved Sandy, so maybe he was better off not knowing.

The door to the room opened again before he could find another topic of conversation, and Justin came in with a huge smile on his face. Misha was right behind him. Pushing a wheelchair.

“Oh, no,” Jared groaned. “No way. Seriously?”

Misha nodded with a crooked smile. “Sorry, JT. Hospital policy.”

“What’s with the JT thing?” Justin asked as Jared maneuvered himself into the chair.

“Jared Tristan Padalecki,” he said with a smile. “Only my family and people who’ve known me practically my whole life still call me that.”

Misha laughed. “High school counts as your whole life now?”

“Isn’t high school supposed to be the best time of your life?” Jared countered.

Danneel snorted. “I don’t think so. High school was the worst experience of my life. Thank God for college.”

Misha pushed Jared out the door, the other two following behind him, Justin laughing at Danneel as they walked.

“Come on, Harris, weren’t you the Queen Bee in high school? Head cheerleader, prom queen, all that shit?”

“Justin, I’m a doctor. A really fucking smart doctor. Do you honestly think I spent my time in high school at pep rallies and football games?”

They stepped into the elevator.

Justin laughed louder. “Oh, my God! You were a geek! You were actually a total nerd!”

“It’s okay, Jensen was a nerd, too. The only reason he didn’t get pushed around was because he hung out with me. I was captain of the basketball team.”

He could almost hear Danneel rolling her eyes. “Let me guess, you dated the Homecoming Queen, too?”

Jared craned his neck so he could see her. “I dated Jensen.”

Danneel’s sarcastic expression melted into one that suggested she thought Jared was the cutest thing she’d ever seen.

“Oh, my God, you really have been in love with him forever, haven’t you?”

“Since we were sixteen.”

Justin made a retching sound and Misha giggled, but Jared didn’t really care. He was only speaking the truth.

The elevator doors slid open, and then Misha was pushing the wheelchair out the front doors into the blessed sunshine. Jared sighed deeply and basked for a few short seconds.

“Finally,” Jensen’s voice called out and Jared looked around to see him pushing himself away from an SUV. “I was starting to think they would never let you out.”

Jared pushed himself out of the chair. “Seriously, just get me out of here. I can’t stand to be in this place for another second.”

“Hey!” Justin cried, affronted. “I thought we were very attentive during your stay.”

Jared turned around as he slid into the passenger seat of Jensen’s car. “I love you guys, I do, you know that. But if I stay in that hospital one more minute, my head was going to explode.”

Danneel let out a deep breath. “Thank God you didn’t say anything about killing yourself. I might have actually killed you.”

Jared smiled at her. “I might be stupid, but I’m not a complete idiot.”

“No, that’s Chris,” Justin smirked.

Jared winked. “I’m telling him you said that.”

Justin paled. “Do people still go on the run to Canada?”

Jared laughed loudly as he slammed the door closed and watched as Jensen ran around the other side and climbed behind the wheel.

He started the engine and gave Jared a tight smile. “Ready to get outta here?”

“More than ready,” Jared assured.

He just didn’t know if he was ready to live in Jensen’s house.

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image7.png)

 

“Okay, then,” Jensen said breezily as he led Jared through the front door, dropping his bag by the coat rack. “Welcome…” he trailed off and sucked in a deep breath as Jared shuffled into the house behind him. “Welcome home,” he finished.

Jared let out a low whistle as he looked around the airy entryway. “Wow, Jen, this place is amazing.”

Jensen smiled and tried to see the house through Jared’s eyes.

It was a large house; three bedrooms, two bathrooms, kitchen, a huge dining room he never used, spacious living room and a backyard he could get lost in if given half the chance.

“Yeah,” he agreed, embarrassment tingeing his voice. “I guess it is a little big, what with just me living here and all.”

“But, it’s gorgeous,” Jared countered. “I can totally see why you bought the place.”

Jensen scratched at the back of his neck. “Um, actually, I bought it without ever seeing it in the flesh. So to speak.”

Jared turned from where he was examining the oak staircase and frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I bought it when I was still in Texas. I figured it was a good…you know, a good…family home, for us. Just starting out in a new city. When you decided not to come with me, I couldn’t bring myself to sell the place.” Jensen shrugged. “I guess I thought that if I held on to it, you might change your mind.”

Jared looked at him with a strange, sad expression on his face, the puppy dog eyes out in full force, and Jensen knew that he was feeling pretty crappy, so he shrugged his shoulders and laughed, trying to break the tension. “And, hey! Look at that! I was right. Admit it, Jared, you only want me for my house.”

“You bought this place for us?” Jared asked.

Jensen sighed. “Yeah, and Kelly got pretty pissed when I said I was gonna keep it. She said it was too big for just me and tried to make me switch with Chris and Steve so that they didn’t have to live in that tiny one-bedroom apartment. Didn’t matter than Chris and Steve didn’t want to move.”

“You bought a house. For us.” Jared seemed to be stuck on that particular thought and Jensen sighed, grabbing hold of his hand.

“Yeah, come on, I’ll give you the grand tour.” He pointed to the room leading off the right side of the hallway. “That’s the dining room. It’s never used except on my birthday, when Chris and Jeff insist on having a party and Kelly and Steve lay out all the food on the table.” Jared leaned forward to take in the whole of the room, and Jensen could see just enough over his shoulder to spot all of Jared’s computer equipment piled up at one end of the overly large table. “Although I guess right now they’ve decided it’s your temporary office.”

“I can move it,” Jared offered.

“Yeah, we’ll get the office cleared out this weekend, once you’ve settled in a little.”

Jared whirled to face him, a confused smile stretching his lips. “You have an office?”

Jensen blushed and ignored him. “Come on.” He turned and walked through the doorway on the other side of the entrance hall. “This is the living room, obviously.”

The living room was large, with soft couches, a coffee table and chairs gathered around a large flat-screen TV at one end, while the other had been transformed over the last two years into a sort of play area for Cameron. And Layla now, Jensen supposed.

He led Jared through the room to the other door and into the little room that separated the living room from the kitchen, and watched as Jared took in the single, tiny window and the lone chair that sat below it. The room wasn’t any more than an eight-foot square waste of space.

Jensen frowned. “I don’t actually know what this room is for. Danneel and Kelly seem to think that it’s a reading room, but to me it’s just pointless. In the four years I’ve lived here, I don’t think anyone’s used it.” He paused, a memory striking him. “No, that’s not true. Misha passed out in here once; face down on the floor with his hands in his pockets.” Jared laughed and Jensen basked a little in the sound of it. “Steve took pictures. There’s a framed one in the living room.”

“I’ll have to check that out later,” Jared said. He shifted a little on his feet, tilting back and forth, hands shoved in his back pockets as he chewed on his lower lip. Jensen knew he was trying to work up the courage to ask something.

He huffed a laugh. “Babe, what?” The second the pet name left his mouth, Jensen could feel heat rising in his cheeks. They hadn’t exactly decided on what they were now, or what they would ever be in the future, so Jensen busting out random pet names was probably not a smart thing to do until they actually had that conversation.

Jared, however, didn’t even seem to notice what Jensen had called him. Either that or he didn’t mind it, in which case Jensen was glad, because it was another piece of normalcy that he desperately wanted back.

“I was just thinking,” Jared said as he continued to look around the tiny space, “this would actually be a great place for the dogs to sleep. I mean, they’re completely house-trained and everything, and I know they’re kinda huge, but they’re good animals. Won’t go scratching up the walls or nothing.”

Jensen smiled, a huge, blinding grin. He knew he probably looked like an idiot, but he couldn’t help it. Jared was thinking of places for the dogs to sleep in the house, which meant he wasn’t planning on going anywhere. He wanted his pets to have a permanent place in Jensen’s house; it was more than Jensen was hoping for on the first day.

Jared frowned at him. “What? Did I say something stupid? Do you want the reading room?”

Jensen shook his head. “No, no, I think it’s a great idea. A really great idea.”

Jared beamed at him. “Awesome. I was thinking we could get some of those doggie pillows, and old blankets and things from, like, thrift stores or something, really make it their space, you know?”

“As long as we still have a clear path to the kitchen, it’s fine with me,” Jensen agreed. He turned back towards the kitchen and heard Jared falling into step behind him. “Speaking of those huge beasts of yours, you wanna see them?”

Even without looking, Jensen could see the bright smile Jared was sporting at the mere mention of his dogs.

“They’re here?”

“Yep. I had Kelly drop them off this morning, figured you might want them here.”

“God, yeah. I can’t believe how much I’ve missed them.”

Jensen waved a hand at the room as they passed through it. “Kitchen. All your basics, stove, whatever.” He pointed to a door to the right of the one they’d just entered. “Basement’s down there. Washer, dryer, all that jazz.”

“Awesome,” Jared said, but Jensen knew he was practically vibrating with the need to see the dogs, so he walked to the back door and pulled it open, stepping out into the sunshine, motioning for Jared to follow.

As soon as Jared cleared the door, he was bowled over by the two huge canines as they barreled into him. Jared laughed and cooed as he bent down to pet his babies, both of them excited to have their daddy back.

“We didn’t know what they were called,” Jensen said, stepping back to watch the show. “When they were at Jeff’s, Cameron was apparently calling them ‘boy-dog’ and ‘girl-dog’, ‘cause Jeff wouldn’t let him actually name them.”

“Oh,” Jared blinked at Jensen as he looked up. “I guess I forgot that none of you have met them.” He took the face of the male dog in his hands, making stupid baby noises that Jensen didn’t find at _all_ endearing, before he kissed it on the snout. “This is Harley. I know he looks huge and fierce and menacing, but he’s seriously just a teddy bear. Doesn’t have a mean bone in his body, do ya Harls?”

Harley barked a reply, and Jensen couldn’t help but think that the description fit not only Harley, but his owner, too.

“And the girl?”

Jared looked up from Harley, over to the female who had her nose in the flower pots Kelly and Cameron had planted before Layla was born, sniffing for God only knew what.

“That’s my Sadie, my little angel.”

Jensen snorted at the word ‘little’ and turned to go back inside. “How long have you had them?” he called over his shoulder.

Jared’s soft footfalls and the clicking of nails on the tile followed him into the kitchen, the back door closing behind them.

“About three years, I think,” Jared answered. “I got them from that rescue center downtown. Things with Sandy were always so uncomfortable; I just wanted someone who would be happy to see me when I got home. Plus, they really pissed her off, but she couldn’t do anything about it without both of us admitting that we didn’t want to be there.”

Jensen turned at the sad tone in Jared’s voice, just in time to see Sadie rush past them into what would be her and Harley’s room and hop up onto the chair.

“No, Sadie!” Jared scolded. “Off the furniture!”

Jensen laughed. He was pretty sure that the only reason Sadie had chosen to sit in the chair was because she’d been allowed on the furniture in Sandy’s apartment. Another thing Jared probably did to piss off Sandy.

“She’s fine, leave her. Trust me, the amount of vomit and other bodily fluids that have been all over this furniture, a little dog hair isn’t gonna make much of a difference.”

Jared scrunched up his nose in that adorable way he had. “I’m kinda scared to ask what you mean by ‘other’ bodily fluids.”

“When Kelly was pregnant with Cameron, her water broke when she was sitting on the couch. And then with Layla, when she was taking a nap upstairs.” Jensen laughed. “I think she does it on purpose. I’ve begged Jeff to get the snip so that it doesn’t happen again, but he’s having none of it.”

Jared smiled and nodded and left Sadie where she was, Harley settled on the floor below her.

“Um, do you want anything?” Jensen asked to fill the suddenly awkward silence. He wasn’t used to things being weird with Jared, and it was upsetting to know that they had drifted so far apart that the silences were just that – awkward.

“Huh?” Jared replied eloquently.

Jensen rolled his eyes. “Food? Coffee? Something else?

A blush crawled up Jared’s neck and face. “Actually, I know this is going to sound really lame, especially considering how much of a fuss I put up about the wheelchair, but um…I’m kinda tired.”

“You wanna take a nap?”

Jared nodded. “Yeah. If that’s okay?”

“Seriously, babe, you don’t have to ask if you can take a nap. You don’t have to ask for anything, you know that.” Now that the pet name thing had been breached, Jensen found that the word was constantly on the tip of his tongue.

He beckoned Jared with a hand and took him back through the dogs’ room and the living room, back to the front hallway.

“There’s a bathroom beneath the stairs,” he said as they made their way to the second floor. “It doesn’t get used much.” Reaching the landing, Jensen pointed to a door on the right. “Master bedroom.” It felt wrong, calling it _his_ bedroom. After all, wasn’t the whole idea that it would be _their_ bedroom?

Behind him, Jared didn’t even grunt in response.

Turning to the left and into the next hallway, Jensen waved at the door adjacent to the master bedroom. He blushed.

“That’s…uh, that’s actually your office. It’s full of junk right now, but that’s what it’s always been, Jared’s office.” He didn’t look at Jared, couldn’t handle the expression he’d see on the taller man’s face.

He pressed on instead, pointing out the bathroom on the opposite side of the hallway.

“The bathroom also has a door that leads into the master bedroom, so if you’re using it, you gotta remember to lock both doors, otherwise you get people like Danneel just barging in on you when you’re showering.”

Jared laughed. “Something tells me she’d do that anyway, even if she had to pick the lock.”

“Maybe,” Jensen conceded. He turned back and pointed at the final door in the hallway. “That’s…uh, that’s the guest room.” And the awkwardness kicked up a notch. Jensen cleared his throat. “I don’t…I don’t know what you want, what I’m supposed to do here.”

“Kelly said she and Danni put all my stuff in the guest room. I think that’s their way of saving us from this really uncomfortable conversation.”

“But I want to have the conversation,” Jensen insisted. He paused. “Actually, no, I don’t want to even need to have the conversation, but there is, so we have to have it.”

“I thought I was the one who was supposed to babble when they were nervous?” Jared said with a small chuckle.

Jensen blushed again. “Sorry.”

“Jensen, things are pretty fucked up right now. We’re not in the right place for this, to just jump back into what we were. We couldn’t do that even if it was what we wanted, and right now, that’s definitely not what I want.”

Jensen felt all the color drain from his face as he looked up at Jared in horror. “You don’t want…”

Jared’s eyes widened. “Oh, God! No! That’s not…that’s not what I meant. Of course I want to be with you, how can you even think that I wouldn’t want to be with you after everything that’s happened?”

“But you just said…” Jensen cut himself off, because he wasn’t really sure what Jared had just said.

“I don’t want to go back to the way we were, back in high school and college,” Jared explained, his voice slow and careful, his words measured. “We’ve both changed a lot in the last four years; we need to figure out how we fit together again. We need to start dating again.” He frowned. “Actually, we need to date, period. We never really did that the first time around.”

A smile crept slowly across Jensen’s face as he watched Jared babble in the middle of their hallway. “You want to date me?”

Jared sighed, a pleased sort of sound. “Yes, I want to date you. I want to take you out for dinner, and the movies, and ice-skating and whatever else people who are dating do. But one thing that people who are dating _don’t_ do, Jen, is sleep in the same bed. At least not at first.”

Jensen nodded, suddenly understanding Jared completely.

“So,” Jared went on, “for a while, at least, I’m gonna stay in the guest room, and you’re gonna stay in the…the master bedroom, and we’re gonna date and do all the mushy stuff that will make Chris barf, and we’re gonna get to know each other all over again, because I gotta feeling I’m gonna like this new Jensen a lot.”

Jensen seemed to be spending a good portion of his day blushing. “I’m not all that different than I was in Texas.”

Jared cocked his head to one side. “In some ways, you’re exactly the same, but in others, you’re so completely different, it’s like I don’t even know you.”

“I’m sorry, that wasn’t-”

Jared cut him off. “It’s not a bad thing, it’s really not a bad thing. I’m just excited to get to know this new Jensen. See what makes him tick.”

Jensen let his gaze rake over Jared’s body and realized that what made him tick was the same thing from when he was sixteen; namely, Jared Padalecki, in any and all situations.

But instead of voicing those thoughts out loud, Jensen simply nodded. “Okay, that…that sounds like a plan, I think.”

“Good,” Jared agreed as a blush crept up his cheeks. “So, uh, now that the very awkward conversation is over, you mind if I take that nap now?”

“Oh, shit, sorry. That was the whole point of coming up here, wasn’t it?” Jensen babbled. “I’ll go and, um, start on dinner, I guess? I have no idea what’s in the fridge, so it’ll be a nice surprise when you come back down. Or a nasty surprise, I dunno.”

“You’re a good cook, I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Jared promised.

“Sleep well,” Jensen said lamely.

Jared gave him a small smile as he turned and entered the guest room, closing the door softly behind him.

Jensen sighed and made his way back downstairs to the kitchen. Harley and Sadie hadn’t moved an inch; they didn’t even raise their heads as Jensen walked past them, and he laughed to himself, couldn’t keep himself from thinking that they were definitely Jared’s dogs. The man wouldn’t move for anything that didn’t pique his interest, either.

Opening the fridge, Jensen gazed at the contents, finding the fixings for lasagna. The last time he looked, he hadn’t had…well, much of anything in his fridge, so he figured Steve or Kelly had gone shopping for him when was at the hospital with Jared.

Looking around the room, he tried to think of what else Steve and/or Kelly had bought for them, before deciding that lasagna probably wasn’t going to be too much trouble for Jared’s still-healing throat. He set about fixing it together, using the recipe Jared’s mother had shown him before he and Jared had moved out for college.

He was just about finished browning the meat, his thoughts lost in a whirl of what the hell it meant to date Jared and how that was different to what they did in high school, when the doorbell rang, startling him.

Sadie and Harley started barking almost instantly, apparently completely sure Jensen had missed the sound, but neither of them moved from their sprawl, and Jensen was glad. He wasn’t confident that he would be able to restrain them from attacking whoever was on his porch. Being licked to death by two hulking beasts was probably not the way anyone wanted to go out.

Turning off the heat and taking the pan off the burner, Jensen grabbed a towel, wiping off his hands as he made his way to the front door, trying to decide who his visitors could be. Everyone who regularly stopped by just barged on in without even bothering to announce themselves.

Jensen’s mind had just decided that it was Sandy on the other side, and was currently coming up with ways of getting rid of her that didn’t involve murder, when he pulled the door open and felt all the air pour out of his lungs when he gazed at the two people standing on his porch, no suitcases or baggage of any kind in sight.

Jensen was going to kill Jeff for not telling him his parents were in town.

Sherri and Gerry Padalecki looked at him nervously, like they were waiting for him to tell them to get the hell off his porch.

After what felt like far too long a silence, Jensen let out a long shuddering breath and smiled tightly. “Hey, Ma.”

Sherri let out a happy little squeak, but Jensen could see the tears glittering in her eyes as she threw herself across the threshold and into Jensen’s arms.

“Oh, my baby. My boy, I’ve missed you so much,” she prattled at him, stepping back to gaze up at him, her hands running over his face, like she was making sure he was really there.

Jensen felt it was pointless to remind her that he wasn’t in fact her son, that her _real_ son was upstairs asleep. Instead, he let her drink her fill of him, even as Gerry struggled to push past both of them into the house and close the door behind him.

“Oh, look at you,” Sherri breathed, cupping his jaw in her small hand. “I can’t believe how grown-up you look! Look, Gerry, look how handsome he is.”

Jensen could hear Gerry roll his eyes. “Will you let the boy breathe, woman? You’re going to smother him to death with all your coddling.”

“Hush up, Gerald,” she scolded. “I haven’t seen my boy for four years. I’m allowed to get a little emotional.”

Guilt sprang up in Jensen and he pulled himself away.

“Now see what you did?” Gerry said. “You’ve upset the boy.”

Jensen shook his head. “No, Daddy, it’s fine. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have stayed away so long. Just because things with me and Jared were…” he sighed, not knowing how to finish, “but that didn’t mean I had to ignore you, or the others. I’m sorry about that.”

Sherri waved him off with a hand in the air. “Now that we know what really happened back then, we can understand why you wanted to get away.”

Jensen gestured for his mother-in-law’s coat – silently wondering if he could still class her as that – even as he wondered where she’d heard that. “Did Jeff tell you what happened back then?”

Gerry nodded. “As much as he knew anyway. We’re kind of hoping you two can fill in the rest of the details.”

Jensen nodded, hanging Sherri’s coat on the coat rack as Gerry did the same with his own, before leading them past the dogs to the kitchen.”

“I see they’ve settled in well,” Gerry said, pausing to pet them for a few seconds.

Jensen snorted. “I think they’re just basking in the fact that they’re actually allowed inside. Jeff kept them in the back yard for the entire time they were there. Too afraid of them hurting Cameron and Layla I suppose, which is understandable.”

“I thought Jared would have been out here rolling around with them,” Sherri said, her tone light, but Jensen could hear the underlying curiosity in her words. “What with him being away from them for so long.”

Jensen exchanged a knowing grin with Gerry. “Jay’s taking a nap. With everything he went through over the last few days, not to mention what Danni did to him when he was brought into the hospital, I think it’s just gonna take some time until he’s fully back on his feet.”

“But he’s okay? There was no lasting damage?” Sherri chewed on her lip nervously.

“No, everything’s fine. Danneel got all the drugs out of his system before they could do any major damage. His throat’s a little tender from the tube they had to put down it to pump his stomach, but that’s about it.” Jensen smiled, albeit sadly. “He’s just tired, but I think that has a lot to do with the fact that he hasn’t slept in the last four years.”

Sherri looked at Jensen closely. “Can you tell us what happened back then?”

Jensen sighed and turned back to the meal he was preparing, only to have the wooden spoon taken out of his hand and pointed in the direction of the breakfast bar.

“I’m capable of cooking a meal, Ma,” he huffed as he took a seat next to Gerry.

Sherri took over his kitchen with a soft smile. “I haven’t seen you in four years; let me spoil you a little.”

Jensen scowled. “I’m only allowing this because I love your cooking.”

“Duly noted,” she said with a curt nod. “Now, start explaining.”

Now that his distraction had been taken away, Jensen started fiddling with the sleeves of his sweater as he started to talk. “Jared and Sandy were never really together, you guys knew that, right?”

Sherri and Gerry looked at him with frowns on their faces.

“What do you mean?” Gerry asked.

Jensen sighed again. “Before I left, a few months before I left from what I’ve been able to piece together, Jared didn’t come home one night. He told me he got too drunk to drive and stayed at Chad’s. But, really, he woke up naked in Sandy’s bed.”

Sherri gasped, turning away from the stove to fix him with a glare. “Jensen Ackles, you better not be implying what I think you’re implying.”

“I’m not implying anything,” Jensen assured her. “I’m telling you exactly what Jared told me. He woke up in Sandy’s bed, and she told him they slept together. She also told him that if he didn’t stay with her, she’d tell me everything and make sure that I couldn’t work as a doctor. She was already the reason I couldn’t find a residency position in Texas, why I had to move here. I guess Jared knew she could do what she was threatening, so when she told him he had to stay with her when I left, or she’d make sure I lost my license to practice, he did as she asked.”

“She blackmailed him?” Gerry asked.

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, pretty much.”

“Why? What could she possibly get out of it?”

“A job,” Jensen said simply.

Sherri and Gerry blinked at him.

“She did it all for a job?” Sherri spat.

“Yep. She knew who Jared was, stalked him for want of a better word, tried to do things the…the right way, I guess.”

“Right way?” Gerry repeated.

Jensen shrugged. “You know, flirting, throwing herself at him. He always turned her down, so she decided to up the game. She spiked his drink, took him home and put him into her bed. You know the rest.”

“And JT just went along with this?” Gerry asked, the tone in his voice making it clear that he didn’t believe it.

Jensen nodded. “He felt so disgusted with himself that he could do that, could cheat on me with some girl he didn’t even know, he went along with everything she said. It was sort of a punishment thing, he thought he needed to be punished for what he did to me, and the best way he could think of doing that was to leave me and stay with her.”

Sherri sniffed. “I can’t believe he went through all that alone and didn’t tell anyone.”

“Like I said, he thought he needed to pay for what he’d done. Having you guys there to support him isn’t exactly punishment.”

Sherri stopped laying pasta sheets in the casserole dish and turned to give Jensen her full attention. “And now? Does he still think that?”

“He thinks he was wrong for believing Sandy’s lies, yes. His therapist says he’s depressed and he has to go to therapy and he’s taking anti-depressants, but he’s a lot better now than he was when we met up in a diner last week so that he could tell me all of this.” Jensen wiped his hand across his face. “I think he just needed to be back with his family, with us.”

Sherri looked away, her gaze fixed on the pasta sheets in her hands. “He’s staying here with you, isn’t he?”

Jensen nodded slowly. “I think so.” He got up from his stool and crossed the room until he was standing in front of her. “But, hey. It’s not gonna be like before. Not like it was when I was here on my own. I didn’t want to be reminded of Jared, that’s why I never came home. Things are different now. We’ll be back for vacations and holidays. I promise.”

Jared’s mother poked him in the chest with a finger at glared at him. “I’m holding you to that promise, Jensen Ackles.”

Jensen laughed and reached down to kiss her cheek.

“Jen? I thought I heard voices.” Jared’s voice floated in from the living room before he stepped into the kitchen, a shocked look on his face when he caught sight of his parents.

“Hey, Jay, look who stopped by,” Jensen said, aiming for levity.

Jared shifted uncomfortably. “Um, I didn’t know anyone had called you guys. I didn’t want you to worry.”

Gerry reached Jared first, pulling him into a hug where they stood in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Jeff called us a few days ago,” Gerry explained. “You know, when your son is admitted to the hospital, a parent kind of wants to know about that.”

Jared shook his. “Not when it was my fault. Not when I was so stupid. I didn’t want you guys to know how messed up I’d been.”

“Honey, don’t you think we _knew_ how sad you were?” Sherri asked, crossing the room to stand next to her husband. “We just had no idea it was this bad. You should have told us, we could have helped you.”

Jared shrugged. “It wouldn’t have changed anything. I think it needed to happen this way for Jen and me to realize that neither of us really handled this situation the right way.” His face paled, and he looked up at Jensen with wide eyes. “Not that I’m blaming you. God, Jen, none of this is your fault. I would never blame you.”

“Relax, Jay,” Jensen said with a small smile. “I know what you mean.”

“What about Sandy?”

Jensen watched as Jared’s eyes darkened at his father’s words and he pulled away from his parents, stepping closer to Jensen. “What about Sandy? Do we have to talk about her right now? Or, at all?”

“Did she say anything about why she did this? About why she thought she could get away with something like that?” Sherri asked.

“She did it for a job and she picked me ‘cause she thought I would be an easy target. And you know what? She was right. If she’d gone after Jensen instead, there would be no way she would have succeeded with her stupid plan.”

Jensen sighed. “Jared, you don’t know that. I could have easily have fallen for her manipulations, just like you did. You’re the most important thing in the world to me. I would do anything to keep you safe and happy. I might not have liked what you did when I didn’t have all the facts, but now that I know, I can’t blame you for what you did.”

Jared’s eyes fill with tears as he stared at Jensen in something akin to shock. “How can you say that? I hurt you, God, I hurt you so bad.”

“And I hurt you, too, by not giving you the opportunity to explain to me what was going on.” Jensen flicked his eyes to Gerry and Sherri. He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation in the middle of his kitchen with his in-laws watching, but he was and he had to deal with it.

“I was so busy with school and the clinic back then, we barely had time for each other,” he said firmly, pleading silently for Jared to understand. “If I’d had more free time, if I’d _made_ time to spend with you, then maybe you would have found it easier to talk about what was going on with Sandy.” Jensen huffed out a humorless laugh as a thought occurred to him. “Hell, if I hadn’t been so ass-deep in work, I probably would’ve been with you that night and the whole thing never would have happened.”

Jared shook his head, his eyes incredulous. “How…how could you even think that? None of this is your fault, Jensen. None of it! I won’t let you take them blame here. I’ll never let you take even a little bit of the blame.”

Jared turned on his heel and raced out of the room, the dogs whimpering slightly as he breezed past them, obviously wondering what was upsetting their human.

Sherri moved to go after him and Jensen held out a hand.

“No, leave him,” he told her.

“He shouldn’t be alone right now,” she said, scolding.

“Actually, that’s exactly what he needs. He needs time to figure out that not all of the blame lies on his shoulders. We’re all a little responsible for what happened.” Jensen’s laugh had a little more humor to it this time. “Hell, I don’t know what he’s gonna do when he finds out that Chris and Steve blame themselves for that night, too.”

Gerry frowned. “Why do Chris and Steve think it’s their fault?”

Jensen blushed. “They, uh, they snuck off home to have sex.”

Sherri spluttered. “But, that was four years ago!”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, they’ve been together since they were in college, they just didn’t tell anyone.”

Sherri’s face turned crimson and Jensen and Gerry laughed at her obvious embarrassment.

“Shut up, the both of you. I’m not thinking about my boys having sex. None of them.” She glared at Jensen before she went back to her cooking.

Jensen cast his eyes towards the ceiling, in the direction Jared was cooling off from his outburst, and vowed to give him a few more minutes before he went to check on him.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image9.png)

Twenty minutes later, Jared looked up from where he was perched on the end of the guest room bed when the door opened without a knock and Jensen walked in.

He had his hands shoved deep into the pockets of his jeans and he rocked back on his heels a little as he regarded Jared.

“So,” he said calmly, coming to sit next to Jared. “You wanna talk about what happened down there?”

Jared shook his head. “Not really.”

“Come on, your mom’s taken over the kitchen and is making lasagna and…something, possibly garlic bread. We’ve got a little time.”

Jared turned on the bed, drawing one leg up under him so that he can face Jensen head on. “Why are you so determined to take the blame for what I did?”

To his credit, Jensen didn’t sigh or roll his eyes or do anything Jared would expect if he were talking to Chris or Jeff. Instead, he gave Jared a tight smile and reached out to take his hand.

“Okay, first of all, can we stop referring to it as what _you_ did? Can we at least acknowledge that it was what Sandy _made_ you do?”

Jared blushed. “But I still went along with it, I still hurt you.”

“Because you wanted me to be safe and happy,” Jensen explained slowly. He snorted. “You know, no matter how you swing this, I’m never gonna believe it’s entirely your fault. I’m not gonna stop believing you did it all for the right reasons.”

Jared sighed and nodded, letting the argument drop.

“And anyway,” Jensen went on, “who knows what she would have done if you hadn’t gone along with her.”

Jared frowned and looked up from where he was staring at their joined hands. “What do you mean? What could she have done?” Jared never thought about anything past making sure Jensen was allowed to be a doctor and agreeing to Sandy’s demands.

“Oh, I had a long time to think about what it was she did to make sure I didn’t get work in Texas, as well as come up with a whole mess of other things she could have done to get my license revoked completely.”

“Like what?”

Jensen looked at him like he couldn’t understand why Jared had never considered the idea, and Jared felt himself blush again. He was so concerned about Jensen and saying yes to Sandy’s demands that he didn’t stop to think about how much worse her threats could have been if he didn’t automatically agree.

“Malpractice suits, for one,” Jensen started. “Even a false allegation can have consequences that stretch on for decades. And that’s just the medical-based ones.”

Jared felt all the color drain from his face. “You mean…?”

“Sexual misconduct suits? Yeah, Jared, that’s what I mean.”

Jared shook his head. “No, she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t do something like that.” As evil and vindictive as Sandy was, she couldn’t be that malicious, could she?

“You know she could, Jay,” Jensen said, bursting his bubble. “Even something as small as telling someone I fondled her breasts when I was supposed to be looking at a broken finger, or stroking her thigh when she had a busted nose. That could kill someone’s career in an instant, Jared. And do you really think Sandy would have stopped at something so minor?”

Jared shook his head, images and scenarios of Jensen being struck off, accused of rape, trials and media attention running around his head. God, the thought made him sick.

He shook his head, more determined than ever to make Jensen see his side of things.

“See?! This is exactly why I did what I did! To protect you!”

“Jay, I know why you did it, I’m not questioning that.”

“Then what are you questioning, Jen? ‘Cause I’m getting tired of this argument.”

“I wanna know…” Jensen trailed off, looking down at their hands before he took a deep breath and started again. “I wanna know why you just didn’t tell me what was going on. I wanna know when you stopped being able to tell me everything.”

Jared blinked, almost knocked sideways by the unexpected question. “N…no, Jen. No, that’s not what happened.”

“Isn’t it?” Jensen countered. “Looking back, I can remember when it started happening, you closing yourself off to me. You got quiet, pensive, everything was so…detached. I couldn’t see it at the time, too focused on the clinic and finishing school, but now, it’s all so clear when it all started to go wrong, and I just can’t help thinking that if I hadn’t had my head so far up my own ass I could have stopped it before it ever really began.”

Jared shook his head forcefully. “No, Jen, I told you, I don’t want you to take any of the blame for this.”

“Tough,” Jensen spat. Jared started to protest, but Jensen held up a hand, silencing him. “Can you just explain to me why you didn’t just tell me? Why you didn’t just come to me and say, ‘Hey, Jen, I think I might have done something pretty bad, but I can’t actually remember so I don’t know for sure’?”

Jared averted his eyes, looked at the carpet, at Jensen’s socked feet.

“I was ashamed,” he admitted in a small voice. “I was so ashamed, thinking that I had betrayed you like that. There’s never, ever, been anyone for me but you, and that morning when I woke up in her bed, and I thought that I had wanted someone else, even for a second, and I’d given in to that want at the expense of your trust…” He trailed off, not wanting to finish the thought.

“But, Jared, nothing actually happened,” Jensen pointed out.

Jared smiled sadly. “Didn’t know that though, did I? All I knew was that I was naked in someone else’s bed, and that someone else was standing in the doorway, wearing my shirt and nothing else, smirking at me like I was the funniest thing she’d ever seen. You have no idea how ashamed I felt.”

“Sure I do.”

Jared looked up, startled at the admission. “What?”

Jensen chuckled. “Dude, don’t you remember? Our first college party? It was the first time we partied without our brothers and we got totally wasted.”

Jared nodded, remembering the night through a hazy, alcohol induced fuzz.

Jensen’s smile slipped. “You went to the bathroom. I guess there must have been a line or something, ‘cause you were gone for a while. This guy came up to me and asked me if I was there alone. I was too wasted to realize he was coming on to me, and when I said no, that I was there with my boyfriend, he sidled closer anyway. I don’t even know how long it took, how long after he came over until he leaned in close, but yeah. He kissed me, and for about half a second, I kissed him back. So, yeah, Jay, I know how you felt.”

“But that was a stupid mistake!” Jared exclaimed loudly, rushing to his feet. “You were drunk, he came on to you!”

Jensen looked up at him, a smile playing at the corners of his lips. “And what exactly was it between you and Sandy?”

Jared shook his head. “No, Jen. One drunken kiss at a college party is not the same thing as thinking I fucked some brainless bimbo when I was trashed.”

Jensen shrugged. “Semantics.”

Jared deflated, felt all the fight go out on him as he stood in the guest bedroom in the house he shared with his boyfriend. “It’s not the same thing.”

“But it’s not as different as you’re making it out to be.” Jensen stood up and walked towards him until he could rest his hands on Jared’s hips. “I know I stopped that kiss, but it could have easily become something more.”

“But you wouldn’t have cheated on me,” Jared insisted. “Drunk or not, I know that.”

Jensen smiled at him, not sadly, but it certainly wasn’t a happy smile and suddenly, Jared understood everything Jensen had been trying to tell him since that night in the diner.

“So are you gonna stop piling all that blame on your shoulders now?” Jensen asked and Jared allowed himself to smile.

Finally, everything was starting to look a little brighter.

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image10.png)

 

“Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?” Jensen asked for what felt like the twentieth time since he’d received the phone call an hour ago.

He blushed when Jared rolled his eyes for what felt like the twentieth time since Jensen had received the phone call an hour ago.

“Jen, I think I can manage to spend a couple hours alone in my own house.”

Jensen smiled. It had been just over three weeks since Jared had been released from the hospital and although they hadn’t been without their problems, Jared seemed to be settling in well. Still, it was the first time that Jared had referred to the house as his, and Jensen felt oddly proud.

“I’ll try not to be too long,” he said as she shoved his feet into a pair of Chuck Taylors that were only slightly less beat-up than the ones Jared refused to throw away. “If this is just some ploy to keep me from seeking legal advice, I swear, I won’t be ten minutes.”

Jared nodded. “I’m gonna start getting work sorted. I know that Kelly emailed all my clients and explained what happened, but I don’t wanna leave them hanging for much longer in case they go looking someplace else.”

“That’s probably a good idea,” Jensen conceded. Jared’s computers were still hooked up in the dining room. His study was slowly coming together, but Kelly insisted the room needed painting and organizing before Jared moved into it properly and had taken over the design. Jensen knew she’d be there right now, elbow-deep in the soothing gray paint she’d chosen for the walls, if it wasn’t for the fact Sherri and Gerry were heading back to Texas in a few days and wanted to spend the day with their grandchildren.

Which would leave Jared alone in the house for the first time.

Jensen couldn’t explain why he was feeling nervous about that. It wasn’t like Jared had never been alone before.

Thoughts of what Jared had done the last time he was left alone came unbidden to Jensen’s mind, and he pushed them away before Jared could figure it out by the look on his face.

Jared laughed as Jensen continued to stare at him. “Baby, will you go? If you make her wait much longer, she’ll probably change her mind about whatever it was she wanted to talk to you about.”

Jensen nodded. “Right, right, I’m gone.” He tilted his chin up a little to capture Jared’s lips in a soft, chaste kiss and then he was out the door, hurrying to his car.

Their relationship hadn’t progressed far beyond first date stage in the last few weeks, their time alone spent innocently watching movies, having dinner or reading. It reminded Jensen of their sophomore year of high school, when he’d just started to realize how attracted he was to Jared, and spending time with him studying or just hanging out was like some new form of torture devised just for him.

But that morning, all thoughts of Jared and how Jensen could persuade him to at least allow them to make out were scattered when Jensen received a phone call from Samantha Ferris, asking him to come to her office to see her within the hour.

Jensen raced into full-on panic mode after that.

He couldn’t come up with a valid reason why Ferris would want to see him. The way he’d left things in her after their last meeting had all but killed any sort of professional relationship on Jensen’s part, and the only theories he could come up with involved him being sued for walking out on his contract.

The hospital loomed in his field of vision and for the first time in four years, Jensen cursed the fact that he lived so close to where he worked. It had seemed convenient at first, but now it was just denying him his chance to prolong the inevitable.

All too soon, Jensen was pulling into the parking lot, parking easily next to Danneel’s silver Lexus, Justin’s motorcycle on the other side of her. He sat behind the wheel, staring blankly out the windows and trying to get his feet to move.

 _Jared,_ a voice in his head said and he nodded to himself. The sooner he got out of the car, the sooner he’d be in Ferris’s office, and the sooner the bullshit meeting would be over and he’d be on his way back to Jared.

Plan firmly in mind, Jensen pushed open the door and climbed out of the SUV, hitting the button on his keychain to lock the doors behind him.

He was more than a little tempted to take a detour through the ER to inform Danneel and Justin of what might be about to happened, but he firmly pointed his feet in the other direction, heading instead for hospital’s main doors. The last thing Jensen needed was for Justin and Danneel thinking about _him_ when they were trying to do their job. He didn’t need someone’s death on his head because they were too busy worrying to concentrate.

Jensen stepped aside to let a woman with two small children, twins by the look of them, enter the elevator first, patiently waiting until she selected her floor before he hit the button for five.

The tiny girls stared up at him in amazement during the short ride to their stop on the third floor and he smiled and waved at them as they exited. They rewarded him with matching blinding smiles and Jensen felt his heart ache. He’d always wanted children, and at one point he’d figured that he and Jared would have had a few of their own by now, but instead they were stuck in some fucking limbo and children were a long way off, if they ever even managed to find themselves in the right place again.

The elevator dinged for his floor and the doors slid open, cutting off his silent ponderings, and he exited the car, turning left and right down the many hallways until he found himself standing in the waiting area of Samantha Ferris’s office.

Cindy, her assistant, looked up at him from her desk with a pleasant, but professional smile.

“Dr. Ackles,” she said with a nod. “Dr. Ferris is expecting you, go on in.”

Jensen gave her a tight smile and he crossed to the door, steadying himself with a deep, supposedly cleansing breath before he knocked once.

“Yes?” Dr. Ferris called out, and Jensen pushed the door open, causing her to look up from whatever she was reading on the notebook computer sitting on her desk. “Ah, Jensen, wonderful. Please, have a seat.”

Jensen watched as she rose slightly from her chair as he took his own, like he was someone important who demanded respect.

“You wanted to see me?” he asked carefully. He didn’t want to know her reasons for asking him to come, but at the same time, _not_ knowing was killing him.

Dr. Ferris took off her glasses and folded them away before she gazed at Jensen with steady eyes.

“Dr. Ackles, I wanted to apologize for what transpired the last time we met,” she said swiftly. “That was not what I expected when I called you to that meeting.”

Jensen nodded. “But you called that meeting because Dr. Weatherly had told you that I skipping out on my shifts and making unwanted advances towards my fellow doctors.”

“Those weren’t his exact words, but yes.”

“Didn’t it ever occur to you to just ask the people I worked with? To ask Dr. Hartley about that supposed complaint he filed against me?”

Dr. Ferris shifted uncomfortably. “At the time, Dr. Weatherly assured me that he had handled the matter herself, privately, with Dr. Hartley, and that the reason he had come to me was about your continued absence. He made no mention of the fact that your…partner was ill.”

Jensen cleared his throat. If this was how it was going to go down, he needed to come clean about everything.

“I’ll admit that Dr. Weatherly may have had reasons to believe that I was just skipping my shifts.”

Dr. Ferris narrowed her eyes at him. “Really? How so?”

“Until very recently, Jared, my partner, and I were…estranged. We hadn’t seen each other in over four years. I didn’t even know he was in Boston, until he came into the ER needing stitches in his arm after he fell through a glass coffee table.” Jensen could feel the blush stealing across his face, but he soldiered on, desperate to make sure Dr. Ferris knew absolutely everything before she said whatever it was she wanted to say. “Dr. Weatherly assigned me to his case. He had no idea who Jared was, but I will admit that I…overacted when I saw him in that room.”

“In what way?” Dr. Ferris asked. She seemed absorbed in the story, like she was listening to an author read a passage from his newest bestseller.

“I couldn’t deal with the fact that suddenly Jared was right there after four years of no contact. It was a messy break-up. Beyond messy. I couldn’t treat him.”

Dr. Ferris smiled. “Naturally.”

“I ran out of the exam room, explained to Michael and everyone else on shift at the time, that Jared was my ex and asked if someone else could treat him. Danneel…um, Dr. Harris took over his case.”

“What did Dr. Weatherly say when you explained this to him? You essentially came out in the middle of a crowded ER.”

“He didn’t say much,” Jensen conceded. “It had already been decided that I could leave once I’d treated the patient that turned out to be Jared, so he told me I could go, and I went.” He laughed. “It wasn’t until a week later that he hit me with a three-day suspension without pay for bailing on a shift that he’d already given me permission to leave, and a shift that was overtime at that.”

Dr. Ferris gawped at him. “I’m sorry, he did what?”

Jensen shrugged. It was clear she’d heard what he’d said, so repeating himself wouldn’t have made a difference.

She wrote something down on the notepad in front of her, but from the angle of his chair, Jensen couldn’t see what it was.

“The next time I spoke to Dr. Weatherly was when you two called me down to see you.”

“I see,” Dr. Ferris clicked her pen a few times, obviously trying to find the right words to say whatever it was she wanted to say.

“You and your partner…Jared, is it?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“You and Jared, you’re back together?”

It was Jensen’s turn to shift uncomfortably. “Some…truths came to light surrounding our break-up, stuff that I hadn’t known at the time that forced Jared to break up with me when it was clearly the last thing either of us wanted. We’re trying to make things right.” He chuckled. “When you’ve been in love as long as Jared and I have, it’s not something you just throw away.”

“And how long have you been together?”

“Since we were sixteen.”

Dr. Ferris blinked. “My, that is a long time. And Jared’s okay now? After his hospital stay?”

Jensen nodded. “He’s in therapy, and Dr. Riesgraf has him on anti-depressants, but he’s getting better every day.”

And it was true. Every morning when Jensen went downstairs, he could see that a little bit more of the old Jared returned and his heart soared.

Dr. Ferris smiled. “Good, I’m glad.” She leant forward in her chair, bracing her elbows on the desk. “And now, Jensen, I’d like to get to the real reason I asked you to come down here.”

Jensen tensed. He knew this was all too good to be true. “Oh? And what’s that?” His daddy always said the best defense was a good offense.

“After several meetings and hearings, and speaking to a few of my colleagues from different departments, we’ve decided that Michael Weatherly isn’t the type of doctor we wish to be associated with Massachusetts General.”

Jensen stared at her, his mouth agape. “You fired him?”

Dr. Ferris nodded. “He made false allegations against another staff member, Jensen, falsified documents to make it seem like another doctor had made a complaint against you, and failed to reveal all the facts in regards to a particular matter concerning you and Dr. Hartley. Believe me when I say that I wish I could have done more than just fire him.”

Jensen swallowed hard. “Um, okay. Wow.” He nodded his head slightly, suddenly unsure as to why she wanted to see him, seeing as how he’d already quit.

“Jensen, I want to offer you his job.”

It was a good thing Jensen was already sitting down, because at those words, he didn’t think his legs would have held him. As it was, he was pretty sure he was going to fall out of his chair.

“I’m sorry, I thought you just said…” Jensen watched as Dr. Ferris smirked at his babbling. “ _What_? You want me to be Chief Resident of the ER?”

“Jensen, I’ve spoken to many of the doctors and nurses in the ER and they all say that you are the best doctor in that department, and losing you has been like losing a limb.”

“Okay, you are aware that three of the people who work in that ER are members of my family, right? They’re more than a little biased.”

Dr. Ferris laughed. “Them being your family doesn’t change the fact that you are the best person for this job. I would much rather promote from within my own staff, from within the department, than to source someone from outside. You’ve worked in the ER since you joined this hospital four years ago, you know how it works better than anyone, and you’re motivated and determined enough to do your best with this job. Chief Resident is a big responsibility, Dr. Ackles, but I wouldn’t be offering you this position if I didn’t think you could handle it.”

Jensen shook his head. “Dr. Ferris, I…the last time we spoke I was…I told you to stick your job up your ass. Why would you want to give me this opportunity?” He frowned. “This isn’t some sort of guilt thing for how Michael treated me, is it?”

Dr. Ferris laughed. “Jensen, I may be a softie and a pushover, but trust me, if I didn’t think you would be good for this job, I wouldn’t be offering it to you.” She looked down at the notepad in front of her, a blush creeping across her face. “I will admit that part of me offering you this job is to keep you at this hospital. I don’t want to lose you to some other hospital, or to a research position, because of the narrow-mindedness of one person. You belong at this hospital, Jensen. I want to make sure I keep you here. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re the best person for this job.”

Jensen nodded, but then his thoughts shifted to Jared, at home, waiting for him to get back. Jared, who still wasn’t back to his old self, who might never be back to his old self, and who still depended on Jensen being at home for the time being.

“My partner,” Jensen said slowly. “He’s not…he needs me. I can’t just abandon him at home to start a new job, not one like this.”

Dr. Ferris nodded. “I’ve been looking over your vacation time, Jensen. Are you aware you haven’t taken more than two weeks of vacation time since you start this job?”

Jensen nodded. He’d only taken those two weeks because Kelly had just given birth to Cameron, and then Layla and he’d wanted to spend time with his new nephew and niece.

“We have someone in the position already, although they are aware that it is only temporary,” Dr. Ferris continued. “If you agree to take the job, then I’m willing to allow you to use some of this accumulated vacation time to make sure your partner is as stable as possible before you start in this new position.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Jensen said carefully.

“Say you’ll take the job,” Dr. Ferris told him simply.

Jensen smiled. “I’ll take the job.”

Dr. Ferris held out her hand and Jensen stood up to shake it. “Good. I’ll schedule another meeting in a week or two and we’ll discuss an official start date for you.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “You have to understand, Jensen, that this job will be a lot more demanding than what you’re used to. You’ll be in charge of the interns and residents in the ER, as well as responsible for other decisions within the department. I hope you’re ready for this.”

Jensen grinned at her. “I’m looking forward to it.”

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

Jared sighed as he stared at the screen in front of him. It was no secret that he’d been ignoring his clients since he’d been in the hospital, but the sheer amount of emails from them, as well as some from new potential clients, was almost overwhelming.

With a deep breath, he hit the reply button on the first email, typing a quick reply. He knew that Kelly had explained as much as she thought she could about the situation, and she sent a mass email to everyone on his mailing list as well as the emails in his account, but it wasn’t the same as hearing it from Jared himself.

Jared prided himself on his personable attitude with his clients, and a generic email just wasn’t going to cut it, even if he knew that Kelly only had his best interests at heart.

He got lost in the rhythm of replying to clients, taking notes on the legal pad next to him for what he needed to do, deciding if he could afford the time to take on new projects and clients. Jared didn’t know how long had passed before there was a knock at the front door.

He paused with his hands on the keyboard, a half-typed email open on the screen, and stared in the direction of the front door. He was pretty sure that they weren’t expecting anyone this early in the day. Jeff, Kelly and the kids were spending the day with Jared’s parents before they went back to Texas at the end of the week. He was pretty sure Justin and Danneel were working, and Chris and Steve had something to do that they refused to give anyone details about. Misha, since it was his day off, was probably asleep.

Which all meant that whoever was at the front door was both unknown and unwanted.

The knock came again, louder this time, more insistent, and the dogs started barking, claws scrabbling on the hardwood floors as they raced to remind him to open the door.

Taking a deep breath, Jared pushed himself away from the dining table and left the room, entering the hallway and cursing the fact that the front door was made of solid wood and the windows were at too awkward an angle for him to discreetly check to see who was standing on the porch.

Dr. Riesgraf had told him during their last meeting that he was wary of meeting new people, of being faced with someone he didn’t know, but it wasn’t until he was standing in the middle of the hallway that he realized how right she was.

But when he opened the door, Jared realized that he didn’t have to worry about dealing with the stranger on the doorstep, because the person standing before was not a stranger. She was just the _last_ person Jared ever wanted to see again.

Sandy smiled up at him from where she balanced precariously on ridiculously high heels, before she stepped forward, reached up to kiss his cheek, and walked into the house, like she was an expected guest.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Jared said, his voice a whisper so she wouldn’t be able to sense the fear that was making his heart pound so violently he thought it was going to bust out of his chest. “Get out.” Still standing there holding the door open, Jared gestured back to the street, all the while knowing Sandy wouldn’t leave until she was good and ready.

She laughed and spun around in a slow circle, taking everything in, but Jared noticed she was wobbling a little, unsteady on her feet. “Sweetie, you can be so funny sometimes,” she said with a high laugh. She clapped her hands. “Now, come on, Jared. Start packing.”

Jared stared at her, trying to understand what she could possibly be thinking, coming to their house like this.

“How did you find me?” Focusing on the important factors, the things that mattered, was the only way he was going to get through this conversation.

Sandy rolled her eyes. “Please, Jared. I’m an investigative journalist. Or at least I was. There aren’t many Dr. Jensen Ackles’ in Boston; it wasn’t like it was hard.” She shook her head, a look of disgust crossing her delicate features. “I should have known you’d run back to him just as soon as you got the chance.” She brightened almost immediately. “Still, I’m here now, we can get back to normal.”

“Normal?” Jared repeated. “Sandy, what the hell are you talking about?”

Her face clouded over in anger. “Why are you still standing there? I told you to pack.”

“Pack for what?”

“We’re going back to Texas. All our problems started when we moved here. If we go back there, back to being just _us_ , we’ll get our lives back together.”

“Sandy, I don’t…” Jared shook his head, trying to organize his thoughts. He stared at her for a few seconds, watching as she took an uncertain step backwards, her hands outstretched, like she was trying to keep her balance.

Jared blinked. “Sandy, are you…are you drunk?”

In all the years he’d known Sandy, he’d never seen her get even a little bit tipsy, and now here she was, standing in his hallway, completely off her face.

“I have just lost my job, Jared,” she snapped at him. “So excuse me if I feel the need to drown my sorrows in tequila and other not-so-liquid substances.”

“You…you lost your job?” Jared asked. He frowned. “Wait a minute, you lost your job, and you came here to, what? Blame me for it? Whatever’s happened in your life now, Sandy, I’m not a part of it. You brought everything on yourself.” Something stabbed at the back of his mind, Danneel’s sweet, soothing voice telling him not to worry about something, and he wondered if this was it.

“Everything would have been _fine_ if it wasn’t for you!” she screeched, pulling him out of his thoughts. “If you’d just done what every other red-blooded man would have done and fucked me, we wouldn’t be standing here right now!” She swayed on her feet a little as she regarded him through one squinted eye. “I don’t even know what’s wrong with you. How could you not want this?” She gestured to herself, at her short skirt and low-cut top.

Jared laughed. “You’re kinda missing one important appendage for you to be what I want.”

She narrowed her eyes. “Oh, come on, Jared, we all know that fags are only waiting for the right woman to show them what they’re missing.”

She advanced on him, running her hands over his chest, his stomach, lower, until she hit the waistband of his sweat pants. He grabbed her hands and pushed her away.

“Oh, what? Like I’m just some confused teenager who just needs to fuck some girl to prove to me what I really want? Go to Hell, Sandy. You have no idea what I want, or what I need.”

She screamed in frustration and turned to pace the hall.

“What the hell does that… _fag_ have that I don’t, huh? How can you want him and not me? What’s so special about _him_?”

“He loves me!” Jared yelled at her. “He loves me for me for who I am, not what I can get for him. He’s loved me since we were sixteen, and fumbling around in his bed, trying to figure this out, because neither of us had ever been with anyone before, never mind another guy. He loves me even after what I did to him, what _you_ made me do to him. You don’t want me, Sandy; you just don’t want anyone else to have me.”

The anger in her eyes would have frightened him on any other day, but right now, he was too angry himself to be intimidated by her.

“I’ve always wanted you,” she said through gritted teeth. “But you can’t even see me, can’t remove the blinkers you’ve been wearing all your life to see what’s right in front of you, to see what I’m offering you on a fucking silver platter!”

“What you’re offering me? A lifetime of misery and pain?” Jared laughed. “No, thanks. Think I’ll pass.”

“NO!” Sandy yelled loudly. “I won’t let you walk away from me, Jared. You need me. You can’t live without me.”

Jared shook his head, almost sadly. “Sandy, I never needed you. I was only with you to make sure Jensen was safe, happy.”

Sandy smiled, but there was nothing happy about it. “Poor, little Jensen. What’s gonna happen to him when you don’t do what I say? Huh? I wonder how he’d cope with a lawsuit.”

Jared huffed a laugh. “What are you going to do, Sandy? Cry sexual assault? Jensen’s gay. Everyone knows that Jensen is gay.” He shrugged. “Besides, for you to make a claim that Jensen did something to you, he’d have to work at a hospital, and right now, he hasn’t worked at a hospital for almost a month. So your little plan’s a washout, Sandy.”

Sandy blinked. “Then…then I’ll say it was before. Before he was fired.”

“He quit, actually,” Jared pointed out. “And the records won’t add up. You don’t have a leg to stand on, Sandy.”

Sandy stomped her foot in frustration. “Pack, Jared! NOW! I want out of Boston, out of this miserable existence. I’m going to take you somewhere your fucking family can’t bother us, because I know this is all their fault. You never would have left me if it hadn’t been for them. We were good together until your brother stuck his nose where it wasn’t wanted.”

“Sandy, my leaving you had nothing to do with Jeff or Jensen. I left you because I finally realized that there was nothing you could do to me to make me hate myself more than I already did, and I didn’t deserve to feel that way.”

“You deserve everything you get!” Sandy spat.

“Why? Because I’m not attracted to you? Because I’m gay? Because the only reason I was with you was to make sure Jensen had a stable job that he loved?”

“You loved me! I know you loved me!”

Jared smiled sadly. “No, Sandy. I hated you with every fiber of my being.”

Tears welled in Sandy’s eyes. “No, Jared, you need to…you need to pack and come with me.”

“Sandy, why did you do this? Why did you blackmail me?”

Sandy blinked, like the words confused her. “No…no, that wasn’t…that’s not what I did.”

“Sandy, you told me that if I didn’t stay with you, you’d make sure that Jensen couldn’t work as a doctor. How is that not blackmail?”

“I wanted you,” she said quietly. “God, you were – are – everything I ever wanted for myself, and I knew I had to have you. I thought…I thought that if I could just get you to leave that…that _man_ then everything would be fine. You’d be mine and we’d be happy.”

“I’m gay, Sandy,” Jared reminded gently.

“No!” Sandy shrieked. “No, you’re not, it’s just because of Jensen! You weren’t gay when you weren’t with him!”

“Sandy, I’ve known I was gay since I was fourteen, and that had nothing to do with Jensen, not really. If Jensen decided tomorrow that he didn’t want to be with me, and I survived the pain of losing him again, then the next person I dated wouldn’t be a woman. I could never be with a woman, Sandy, not like that. That’s not what I’m attracted to.”

Sandy stepped forward, running her hands across Jared’s chest, moving down again to the waistband of his sweatpants again. “No, ‘cause, see, I know you, Jared. I know that if you could just _be_ with me, if we could make love like I always wanted us to, you’d see that we belong together, you’d see how perfect we are for each other.”

Jared could smell the alcohol on her breath and he grabbed her wrists, stopping her hands and taking a step back. “Sandy, I want you to leave.”

Sandy violently shook her head. “No, no, Jared, I’m not leaving here until you come with me.”

“Sandy, if you don’t leave, I’m going to have to call the police.”

“The police?” she frowned, like her intoxicated mind couldn’t conceive the idea of police and what that would mean.

“This is harassment, Sandy, you know that.”

“You’re my boyfriend, Jared, I can’t harass you!”

“I’m Jensen’s boyfriend. You and I are nothing to each other.” Jared stepped forward and plucked Dr. Riesgraf’s business card from the corkboard above the hallway table. “You need help, Sandy. If you’re staying in Boston, then I recommend Dr. Riesgraf’s office. If you’re serious about going back to Texas, then I think you should find someone to talk to.”

Sandy took the card and tore it in half. “I do not need a therapist, Jared. I just need you.”

Jared moved to open the front door. “I never want to see you again, Sandy. Please leave.”

Sandy opened her mouth to protest, but Jared cut her off.

“I will call the police, Sandy. I don’t owe you anything not to.”

Miserably, Sandy crossed the hallway until she was standing on the porch. She turned back to look up at Jared, something on the tip of her tongue.

“I never want to see you again,” Jared repeated and he closed the door in her face, throwing all the locks shut.

Sandy started screaming instantly, her tiny fists pounding on the wood as she lost what little composure she had left.

Jared took a deep breath, trying to calm his beating heart as he walked to the living room and fell into a heap on the couch. Sadie and Harley joined him and they sat in a huddle and listened to Sandy’s ranting for a while, until everything grew quiet. He let out a relieved breath, happy that she’d apparently given up. He didn’t really care where she disappeared to, as long as she was far away by the time Jensen got home from his meeting.

Suddenly, something heavy hit the living room window, and Jared got up from the couch, pushing aside the drapes until he could look out over the front lawn.

He gawped in amazement as he watched Sandy pull off her other shoe and threw it at the glass. She screamed in frustration when it simply bounced off and landed on the porch, and she stomped around in the grass like she was looking for something.

Jared knew that it wouldn’t be long before the neighbors would to start getting annoyed by the noise, so he walked back to the hallway and picked the phone up from the hall table and dialed.

_“911, what is your emergency?”_

“Police, please,” he said calmly.

 _“Boston PD,”_ the operator said, his voice devoid of all emotion.

“Um, yeah,” Jared stammered. “There’s this crazy woman standing in my front yard, screaming and ranting and cursing and throwing her shoes at my living room window.”

_“Do you know this woman, sir?”_

“Well, yeah, but that’s not the point. I want her gone.”

_“Has she caused any damage to the property or hurt you in anyway?”_

“No, but she’s drunk, and possibly high, it’s only a matter of time before-”

Jared was cut off when the living room window smashed inwards, sending shards of glass everywhere, glistening in the light.

Harley and Sadie whimpered and howled, jumping away from the couch and skidding towards their room as Jared stared in horror at the carnage that had once been their living room.

“Okay,” he said into the phone, “strike that. Has she caused any damage to the property? Make that an emphatic ‘yes’. She just threw my mailbox through my living room window.”

He could almost hear the operator nod as he clicked computer keys.

_“Alright, sir, I have your address and I’m sending a patrol car to your location. I advise you to stay as far away from the windows as possible.”_

“JARED!” Sandy screamed. “Jared Paladeki! You will get out of that fucking house right the fuck now and you will get into this car with me. I won’t stop until you do as I fucking well ask!” She screamed again, long and loud and wordless, and Jared just wanted her to go away. He didn’t even have the energy left over to be upset by the fact that she didn’t even know how to pronounce his last name.

There was another crash and Jared risked a glance out of the broken window to see that she had smashed a potted plant against a neighbor’s car, and he swore under his breath.

Suddenly, sirens and blue and red flashing lights lit up the street, and Jared watched as Sandy spun to face the patrol car that was cruising up the street rather than speeding.

Sandy screamed again, Jared could hear her voice getting hoarse, and he couldn’t help but hope she’d done some sort of damage.

“You called the fucking _cops_? You spineless little TOAD! I hate you!”

He crossed to the front door and opened it in time to see the two cops, one male, one female, step out of their car and approach Sandy carefully.

“Ma’am,” the female said, “I’m Officer Cortese. I’m going to have to ask you to come with us.”

Sandy shook her head, her brown hair tangling about her face. “No, no, you can’t touch me. I know my rights, I haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Ma’am, you’ve caused criminal damage to this house and a car, I’m afraid we’re going to have to place you under arrest.”

“NO!” she screeched again. “No, no you can’t! This isn’t even his house! He doesn’t even belong here!”

Officer Cortese stepped forward and restrained Sandy easily, slipping a set of handcuffs around her wrists. She was reading Sandy her rights, but Jared couldn’t hear her over the sound of Sandy shrieking.

He was so busy watching them, Jared didn’t notice Cortese’s partner heading towards him until he stepped onto the steps of the front porch.

“Sir, I’m Officer Lindberg,” he said politely. “Were you the one who called us?”

Jared nodded. “Yeah, um, yes. Yes, that was me.”

“Do you know this woman?”

“Yes, her name is Sandy McCoy. She’s…well, she thinks we’re dating.”

“And you’re not?”

Jared shook his head. “No, we were…it’s a really long story, but we’re not dating, I’m gay and involved with someone, and she apparently can’t accept that.”

“I see.” Officer Lindberg made some notes in a little black book and he sighed. “And your name, sir?”

“Jared Padalecki.”

“And this is your home?”

“Well, it’s my partner’s home. I just moved in a few weeks ago.” Jared winced. He could almost hear Jensen yelling at him for telling the cop this wasn’t his home.

“And your partner’s name?”

“Jensen Ackles.”

Officer Lindberg made another note in his book.

“Mr. Padalecki, I’m going to have to ask you to come down and make a statement regarding Ms. McCoy’s behavior today. I imagine you’d want to press charges regarding the damages to your home?” The cop cut his eyes to the right at the car that had been sitting peacefully in their neighbors’ driveway, but now was missing the driver’s side window, and the interior was covered in soil and ceramic pieces. “And your neighbor as well.”

Jared sighed. Honestly, he just wanted Sandy to go away. He could see his neighbors glaring at him from their own porch, as if what was happening was somehow his fault.

He supposed it was in a way.

“I’ll have to talk to my partner about that. Can I get back to you?”

“I’ll expect to see you at the station tomorrow, Mr. Padalecki,” Lindberg said. Jared could see by the look in his eyes that he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

Jared just nodded and watched as he crossed the lawn to his neighbors, taking a few notes from them. They nodded at something Lindberg said, and Jared wondered if it was about pressing charges for the damages Sandy had caused to their car.

Then, Lindberg turned and headed back to the patrol car. Sandy was already in the back seat, thankfully silent, her head hanging low. Cortese was sitting shotgun, speaking into a radio clipped to her lapel.

Lindberg slipped behind the wheel and started the engine. Sandy looked up at Jared as they started driving away, and he could see the pleading in her eyes, but he had nothing left for her, not even pity. He simply stood there, expressionless, and watched them drive away.

When Jared turned away from the street to head back inside, he caught the gazes of his neighbors and the murderous looks they threw at him.

“I’ll pay for the damages to your car,” he said confidently. It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford it.

“No,” the husband spat, “ _she_ will pay for the damages. You just keep her away from our street.”

“Do you honestly think I would have called the police on her if I wanted anything to do with her?” Jared asked, astounded.

“She’s clearly unhinged,” the wife added.

“I very much agree,” Jared said with a nod. “But her mental state is really not any of my concern or responsibility. I don’t know what you want me to do about it.”

The husband shook his head. “Jensen used to be a good neighbor. I hate to see what he’s done with himself.”

Jared prickled. “Hey, now, wait a minute. What that woman did today has nothing to do with Jensen, so don’t stand there and preach to me about how you think he’s lowered the standard of your neighborhood.”

“He’s moved you in, hasn’t he?” the wife spat. “He’s lowered the tone of the whole street. It’s a disgrace.”

Jared smiled. “You know what? Jensen and I have known each other practically our whole lives. When it comes down to it, I really don’t think he’s going to choose your neighborhood over me, do you?” He tipped an imaginary hat at them and turned to go back inside, but paused just before the front door and glanced back. “I really would have hoped that respectable people such as yourselves would respect a man’s privacy to date, _or marry_ , whoever he wants to, but it seems I was wrong. My husband and I will be out of your hair before too long. I’m sorry we offend you so much. We’ll make sure to tell the other residents that’s why we’re leaving.”

Leaving the couple gawping like fish on their front porch, Jared chuckled and went back inside.

It felt good to just let go of everything he was feeling, not caring if he was upsetting his neighbors or not. He didn’t know them; their opinions didn’t matter, and even if Jensen was upset by what Jared said, he was fairly certain Jensen would see his side once Jared explained everything.

Rounding the corner into the living room, Jared’s eyes landed on the glass still glittering in the soft afternoon light, and everything that had happened with Sandy slammed into him at once.

Gone was his euphoric mood at having stood up to the neighbors, and in its place was the heavy knowledge that none of it would have happened at all if Jared had had some kind of backbone.

The tears rolled down his face before he even knew he was crying.

[ ](http://s40.photobucket.com/albums/e240/_lyri_icons_/Big%20Bang/?action=view&current=image8.png)

After driving around aimlessly for more than an hour, trying to let the revelations of his meeting with Samantha Ferris sink in, Jensen decided it was probably about time that he went home and shared the news with Jared.

He noticed the broken front window of his house almost as soon as he turned onto the street. Jared had obviously tried to keep the place secure while they waited on a glazier by boarding up the gaping hole where the glass had been with the sheets of ply wood Jensen had stored at the back of the garage. The wood looked starkly out of place against the white stucco walls and the mahogany trim of the windows and it made Jensen’s heart beat a tattoo while he wondered what the hell had happened while he was gone.

Pulling into the driveway, Jensen didn’t really care that he’d left the SUV half on the grass of the front yard; he was too desperate to get inside to think about something like parking straight.

Tugging his keys from the ignition, he jumped from the car and hurried up the front steps, absently noticing a pair of black stilettos lying on the grass, the same pair Danneel owned, and he wondered if she’d stopped by and why she would leave her shoes outside.

“Jared?” he yelled as soon as he was through the front door, skidding to a halt as soon as his eyes landed on Jared, sitting on the stairs, like he was waiting for Jensen to get home.

Jensen deflated as soon as his eyes landed on Jared, guilt and depression leaking off the other man in waves.

“I didn’t know she would do this,” he said weakly, and Jensen crouched down in front of him.

“Who?” he asked, although, with Jared looking as defeated as he did, Jensen could guess who he was talking about. “Sandy?”

Jared nodded smoothly, his fingers idly scratching the back of Harley’s neck where the big dog was curled up on the step next to him. “She, uh, she stopped by.”

Jensen felt his blood run cold at the knowledge that she figured out where they lived, but he swallowed down his anger in favor of finding out just what exactly her visit had down to Jared and their house.

“Yeah? And what did she have to say for herself?”

“She said I had to pack. We’re going back to Texas apparently.” Jared’s voice was flat, emotionless; almost like it was the night they’d met in the diner.

“And what?” Jensen asked, his anger growing despite his attempts to keep it in check. “You’re just deciding to go? That’s your solution to everything? Just run after Sandy like you’ve done every single time since the day you met her? Well, you know what, Jared? Screw you! If you want to spend the rest of your life being a coward and doing everything Sandy says because you’re scared of standing up to her, then just go. I’m sick of dealing with you.”

Jared blinked, and it was like he was waking up from some sort of dream, and Jensen’s words were all that was needed to break the spell. He turned his head slowly until he was looking straight at Jensen with a confused expression.

“Huh? You…you think I’m going with her?”

Jensen shrugged. “Aren’t you? Isn’t that what you always do? Sandy clicks her fingers and you go running to her.”

“She threw the mail box through the front window,” Jared said simply. “She came inside, drunk and stoned out of her mind, and started ranting about how everything was perfect before we moved here and told me were moving back to Texas so that things could be good again. When I asked her to leave, she started screaming and pounding on the door, throwing her shoes and flowerpots at the neighbor’s car, so I called the police. They took her away, public drunkenness, or criminal damage or something, I wasn’t really listening.”

Jensen could feel the blush crawling up his face. He looked towards the living room, at the ply wood boarding up the window that Sandy had so clearly smashed.

“They took her away?”

Jared nodded. “But that was after she said that she’d do whatever she could to keep us apart, even said she’d filed a sexual harassment suit against you even though she knew it wouldn’t hold up in court, so I thought I’d do things right this time, stop her before everything got out of control again.”

“Oh.”

Jared stared at Jensen for a few long painful moments before he dislodged Harley, rising to his feet.

“Is that what you think? After everything I’ve been through over the last month? Hell, the last _four years_? You think I’d just follow her orders without question?”

Jensen threw his hands wide. “I don’t know, Jay, I don’t know anything about you anymore. You say you did what you did for me, but if you’d come to me and explained the whole thing, then none of this would have even happened. So that makes me think that…that you were just trying to get away from me.”

Jensen felt all his energy drain away as his true feelings were blurted out embarrassingly loudly.

He stared unseeing at the floor as Jared crossed the room to him, standing in front of him, his hands hovering but never touching.

“No. No, Jen, God, no. It was never about that, you know it was never about that. I love you, I have always loved you. How can you question that?”

“How can I not?” Jensen asked quietly, his head rising until he could look into Jared’s soft hazel eyes. “You’re not even really with me now.”

Jared blinked and took a step back. “What? What does that mean? What are you saying?”

“You’re here, Jared, but you’re not with me,” Jensen explained, too emotional now to let things fester like he’d been doing for weeks. “Every time I get near you, you back off, pull away. I try to touch you and you flinch. If I want more than one chaste kiss it’s like asking for the moon! There’s a hole in me, Jared, just about the size of you, and I don’t know how much longer I can live with it.”

Jensen watched the sadness fill Jared’s face and wished he could take the words back, wished he could go back to the meeting with Ferris and come straight home instead of driving around pointlessly.

“I was trying to give you space,” he said forlornly. “I didn’t want you to think I was crowding you.”

Jensen laughed, and it sounded ugly even to his own ears. “ _Crowding_ me? You think you’re crowding me when all I want is to be near you? To kiss you? Hold you?” His voice rose as his feelings came pouring out, the dam he’d used to suppress everything finally breaking. “Do you know that we haven’t been under the same roof and slept in separate beds since we’ve known each other? I go to bed every night and I have to practically tie myself to the fucking mattress to stop myself from crawling into bed with you, and I just want you, and why can’t I have you? Why do you have to-”

Suddenly, Jared’s hands were on his face, holding him delicately and bringing him closer until their lips met in another of those infuriatingly innocent kisses.

He wiped his thumbs across Jensen’s cheeks, smearing the wetness his tears had left and it was only then that Jensen realized he was crying. He gave into it, allowing a huge, body-jarring sob to break free as he collapsed into Jared’s embrace, his fists clenching in Jared’s t-shirt.

“Don’t turn me away,” he whispered into the skin of Jared’s neck. “I don’t think I can take it anymore.”

Jared pulled him away and Jensen almost collapsed under the pain of rejection, until Jared’s lips crashed against his, and this time, the kiss was anything but innocent.

It was hard and biting, hands in hair and gasping breaths, relearning each other as they clung together.

Jared’s hands moved down around Jensen’s waist, pulling him in close, and Jensen could feel the hardness beneath Jared’s sweatpants, felt his own cock twitch at the very idea of Jared getting hard for him.

With his hands still buried in Jared’s hair, Jensen took a step forward, pushing Jared back until his feet hit the bottom step of the stairs and Jared got the idea.

He spun Jensen around, stepping closer until his chest was plastered against Jensen’s back as they made a clumsy attempt at the stairs, neither wanting to separate for the thirty seconds it would take to get to Jensen’s bedroom.

Jared’s lips were at Jensen’s throat when they made it to the landing. Jensen tilted his head, giving Jared better access as he reached for the handle of his bedroom door.

Jared’s fingers found their way to the waistband of Jensen’s pants and he got the belt and button undone before Jensen turned around in his arms and planted another bruising kiss on Jared’s mouth, his tongue exploring.

“Please,” Jared gasped between kisses, his hands roaming everywhere they could reach. “Please, Jensen, I need you.”

Jensen pulled back far enough until he could look into Jared’s lust-blown eyes, saw the want that was reflected in them, the need.

“Jay?” he asked, needing to understand what the other man was trying to say.

“I just…I need you to…” Jared trailed off, groaning in frustration at being unable to ask for what he wanted.

“What?” Jensen questioned. “What do you need? Tell me, Jared. Whatever it is, tell me what you need.”

“You,” Jared said simply, honesty shining in his eyes. “I need you. Please, Jensen, I need you inside me.”

Jensen paused. It wasn’t uncommon, back then, for Jared to bottom, but it wasn’t something that happened with any regularity. More often than not, it was Jensen who bottomed, and neither of them was inclined to talk about it.

But now, Jared was asking for it, begging even, and Jensen never could deny him anything, so saying no to this didn’t even cross his mind. He nodded slowly, unable to find his voice, and divested Jared of his t-shirt.

“Relax,” he whispered when he noticed Jared’s hands were shaking as they unbuttoned Jensen’s shirt.

Jared let out a breathy little laugh. “Sorry, it’s just been a really long time.”

Jensen ran his hands over Jared’s chest. “It’s just me. Me and you. Nothing to be nervous about.”

Jared gave him a tight smile and moved to the bed, kicking off his sweatpants before lying down.

Jensen swallowed hard as he gazed at all that toned, tanned skin that was suddenly on offer, his erection straining against his pants.

“Jen?” Jared asked nervously when Jensen didn’t move, just stood at the side of the bed and stared at what he’d been denied for four years and tried not to come at the sight the damp stain on Jared’s underwear caused by his leaking cock.

Jensen shook his head and shrugged out of his shirt. “Sorry, sorry, I’m good.”

He removed his pants and crawled up the bed until he was settled between Jared’s legs, holding himself on his elbows as he looked down at Jared. The urgency and need was gone now, and all that was left was the love that Jensen had always felt between them, what he always knew had never gone away.

“I missed you,” Jensen told him honestly, and they both knew it wasn’t just about the sex, it was everything they were, everything they’d had and lost when Jensen left Texas.

It was everything they were trying to get back.

Jared reached a hand up and cupped the back of Jensen’s head, pulling him down into a passionate kiss, some of the need they’d felt downstairs creeping back into his movements.

“Jen, I need you. Now.”

Jensen nodded again, and dropped his hips, grinding their erections together and reveling in Jared’s suppressed groan as he arched up into the touch.

Jensen’s lips trailed across Jared’s jaw, down to his throat, where he sucked a mark, reclaiming his territory as Jared squirmed beneath him, the movement causing Jensen to grow impossibly harder.

He made his way down Jared’s chest in random, biting kisses, pausing every now and then to suck another hickey into Jared’s skin.

Jared was a babbling mass of limbs, his hands fisting in the bedclothes, running over Jensen’s head and shoulders, unable to settle, the sensations Jensen was causing him to feel almost too much for him.

Jensen’s lips reached the waistband of Jared’s white boxer-briefs, and he hooked his fingers beneath the elastic and pulled them down his thighs, freeing the impressive cock that was trapped beneath them. He looked up at Jared, catching the other man’s lustful gaze before he licked the head of his cock, lapping up the pre-come.

Jared moaned loudly and threw his head back onto the pillows in ecstasy as Jensen swallowed him down, relearning what he already knew so well but didn’t know at all.

Soon, Jared’s hands where tapping on his shoulders, pulling gently at his hair, and Jensen moved away quickly.

“What? What is it?” he asked as he crawled up Jared’s body again until they were face to face.

“Nothing,” Jared gasped. “It’s just been a really long time. You keep that up, and I’m gonna be done way before the main event.”

Jensen laughed, his anxiety fading with the look of love and want in Jared’s eyes, and he reached for the nightstand, opening the drawer and pulling out the tube of KY Jelly.

He paused, biting on his lower lip as he looked back at Jared.

“No condoms,” he said simply. They’d never used them before, they were both each other’s first so they weren’t needed unless they didn’t want to deal with the mess. And Jensen knew that Jared had asked to be tested while he was in the hospital, and everything had come back clean, just like Jensen had on his last medical. So it wasn’t like they needed the condoms, but things were different, Jared was different, and Jensen didn’t know quite what that meant.

“Never needed condoms,” Jared told, his voice full of conviction, and Jensen let himself smile.

He pulled Jared’s underwear the rest of the way off before removing his own and settling between Jared’s legs again. He pressed a kiss to the inside of Jared’s thigh as he poured some lube over his fingers, warming it quickly before he pressed a fingertip to Jared’s opening.

Jared melted into the touch. “Yes,” he hissed, arching further, seeking more.

Jensen pushed his finger in slowly, stretching Jared carefully, fucking his finger in and out a few times before he added another.

Jared groaned a little at the burn and Jensen stilled his fingers for a few seconds, letting him adjust to the intrusion.

“More, Jen, more,” Jared begged, and Jensen moved his fingers, scissoring them and stretching Jared’s hole until he could slip a third finger inside.

“Now, Jen, now, now, now.”

Jensen laughed at Jared’s imploring words and removed his fingers, slicking up his cock before he moved into position.

“God, yes,” Jared sighed when he felt the head of Jensen’s cock against his opening.

Jensen pressed forward, watching as the head of his cock disappeared inside Jared’s body, until he had to stop and close his eyes, willing his orgasm away. He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d topped, and the hot tightness of Jared’s body was almost too much, threatening to make him come way too soon.

“Jen, baby, please,” Jared begged, and that was all the encouragement Jensen needed.

He pushed forward until he was completely sheathed inside Jared’s body, pulling out almost all the way before burying himself deep again and setting a punishing rhythm. He was too far gone to take it slow, to make it last and he promised himself, and Jared, that they’d do it right next time.

If he had enough brain activity, he’d laugh. This was so similar to their first time all those years ago, when they’d been left alone in Jared’s house and they’d taken the opportunity for what it was. But they were both too turned on and too worked up to make it last and they’d collapsed in a giggling heap before they’d barely gotten started.

Sixteen years later, and they were doomed to repeat that experience.

“Jay, I can’t…” Jensen gasped, his hips pistoning back and forth.

Jared was babbling almost incoherently, lots of ‘yes’ and ‘fuck’ and ‘Jen’ and ‘more’.

Jensen propped himself up on one arm and took hold of Jared’s dick with the other, jerking him in time with his thrusts, and it only took a minute before Jared was coming, splashing over Jensen’s hand and his own stomach and chest.

His body shuddered around Jensen and he could feel his orgasm building, that wave cresting, but it wasn’t until Jared spoke again that he fell over the edge.

“God, Jen, I love you.”

Jensen’s orgasm hit him hard and he screamed Jared’s name as he emptied himself into his lover’s body.

He collapsed onto Jared’s chest, his face buried in Jared’s neck, and started giggling instantly.

“Yeah,” Jared agreed with a laugh, “I was just thinking how much this was like our first time, too.”

“And here was me hoping to make this first time special,” Jensen huffed.

Jared cupped the back of his head, urging him to rise and meet his eyes.

“Don’t you get it? It was perfect because it was us. Because it was so completely us we almost came way too soon and the whole thing would have been over before it began.”

Jensen smiled. “Just like way back then.”

“I’m taking it as a sign,” Jared insisted, wiggling and shifting until both he and Jensen were comfortable. “It’s a sign that we’re still good together, that we’re still meant to be.”

Jensen propped his chin on Jared’s chest and smirked. “Meant to be, huh? If you can stop trying to guess what I want, or what’s best for me.”

“Or you thinking I’m gonna run off with Sandy when she clicks her fingers.” Jared paused before he heaved a deep sigh. “I used to know what you wanted; at least I thought I did.”

“You still do, babe. I haven’t changed all that much, and if you stop trying to think about what’s best for me, or what you think I need, you’d see that.”

Jensen watched as Jared gazed at him, his eyes roaming over his face as his hands roamed over his body. He smiled.

“You don’t need space.”

Jensen returned the blinding grin. “Not from you anyway.”

“And you don’t need tying to the bed to stop you from trying to sleep with me.”

Jensen let his gaze turn heated. “And why is that, Jared?”

“Because if you’re gonna be tied to a bed for any reason, it’ll be because I’m the one doing the tying.”

Jensen groaned. “Oh, hell yeah.”

Jared rolled them over, pinning Jensen down to the bed and Jensen gazed up into the familiar hazel eyes.

Things weren’t going to be easy; in fact, things were probably going to be harder than ever. But he had Jared, and the rest of his family, and whatever else life threw at him; Jensen knew he could deal with it.

He had an awesome job, the most amazing man in the world wrapped around him, and the best friends and family that anyone could ask for.

Jared’s tongue thrust into his mouth and Jared’s huge body blanketed his as they lay tangled together in their bed, and Jensen decided that he could figure everything else out some other time.

 


	10. Epilogue

It was late in the afternoon when Jensen and Jared finally got back from the police station, both of them having to give statements regarding Sandy’s behavior and the whole thing pretty much sucked out loud.

The neighbors were at the police station when they got there, and Jared was worried for all of a minute that Jensen would get mad that Jared had practically called his neighbors homophobic bigots in the middle of the street. But then the husband stepped forward and apologized for his and his wife’s behavior. Jared had been gob smacked, nodding along dumbly as Jensen accepted their apology gracefully and told them that there would be no more problems as far as Sandy was concerned.

Jared could agree with that at least. Both the neighbors and Jared and Jensen themselves decided to press charges against Sandy for the damages she caused to their property. But Jared knew that the reasons he was doing it was less than because of destruction, and more in the hopes that Sandy would finally get the message and leave him and Jensen alone.

So far, Sandy was accepting what she had done and was pleading guilty to the charges. Jared didn’t know how to take that. It was so unlike the Sandy he’d thought he knew, and he thought that maybe there was some hope for her after all.

The DA said that he expected Sandy to get community service and be forced to pay for the damages she’d done, but that a prison sentence was unlikely.

Jared couldn’t help but feel like the whole thing was finally over.

He wasn’t holding his breath anymore, waiting for Sandy’s next move, and now he was exhausted. All he wanted was to curl up on the couch and watch a movie with Jensen, something they’d both seen a thousand times before so that he wouldn’t have to concentrate too much to know what was going on.

He thought he remembered seeing a _Lethal Weapon_ box set somewhere amongst Jensen's collection, which would be just about perfect for the lazy evening he had in mind.

“Jay, you wanna deal with the dogs?” Jensen called from the kitchen. “I can hear them whining.”

Jared laughed as he made his way to the kitchen. Jensen still wasn’t completely comfortable around the two large animals. Not because they scared him - finding Jensen curled up asleep on the couch with Sadie draped over his legs pushed that notion out of Jared’s mind before he could even properly latch onto it. No, Jared figured it had more to do with the fact that Jensen knew that Sadie and Harley had, at one point, been all the love and comfort Jared had in his life, and he was scared to do anything that would take that security away. And tending to the dogs’ needs, making them rely on him just as much as on Jared, would, in Jensen's logical mind, do exactly that.

Jared couldn’t find fault with that, even if he wished Jensen would just learn to understand that the dogs were his now too, and that neither Jared, or the dogs, planned on going anywhere. Ever.

But right then wasn’t the time to be picking battles with Jensen. They had barely gotten any sleep the night before, their newly-awakened sexual appetites keeping them up until just before dawn, and then spent most of the day telling over-worked police officers just how much they _didn’t_ want Sandy anywhere near them. It was enough to make Jared want to go and climb into bed, and it was barely three in the afternoon.

Maybe he was just getting old?

With a yawn, Jared filled the dogs’ water bowls, putting them down in their room before he went to the back door to let them in. Something beeped in the background, and suddenly Danneel’s excited voice floated from the answering machine and Jared paused.

 _“Oh, my God, Jensen, you’re never going to believe this,”_ she babbled excitedly, the noise of the busy ER loud in the background. _“Michael Weatherly got fired! They’ve got this guy in right now, covering for him, Jim Beaver, but he says it’s not a permanent position, he’s only covering until they get someone new.”_ From the sound of her voice, she was clearly bouncing around, and Jared had to stifle a laugh. _“Word around the ER is that he was fired because of what he did to you and Justin, but we have no idea if it’s true, or if it’s something else. Huh?”_ There was a muffled sound, as Danneel covered the receiver, speaking to someone else before her voice came back loud and clear. _“Anyway, I’m got to go, big RTC coming in apparently, so, listen, I’ll drop by later and we can gossip about who her replacement’s gonna be. Love you guys, bye!”_

“Shit,” Jensen breathed, but it wasn’t a happy sound.

“Jen?” Jared asked, the dogs forgotten as he crossed the kitchen to stand next to Jensen.

“I wanted to be the one to tell you, you crazy bitch,” Jensen snapped at the answering machine, as if Danneel was right there in the kitchen, not five miles away at the hospital.

“Tell her what?”

Jensen sighed. “That Michael Weatherly got fired. I wanted to be the one to tell everyone.”

Jared blinked. “You knew he was getting fired? How?” Jensen hadn’t worked at the hospital for almost a month.

“That’s what my meeting was about yesterday, remember? When Samantha Ferris called and asked me to come see her?”

Jared paled. “Oh, God, Jensen. After everything that happened yesterday, I didn’t even ask you how it went. I’m so sorry.”

Jensen smiled. “Relax, Jay, it’s fine. It’s not like we didn’t have other things on our minds yesterday.” He reached up to kiss Jared, pressing his body against Jared’s from chest to knees, and suddenly, Jared wasn’t feeling so tired anymore.

Jared groaned and pulled reluctantly away. “No, but wait, seriously. What happened yesterday?”

“Oh, um, Michael Weatherly was fired.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Yes, genius, I think we’ve established that. Anything else?”

“Um, yeah,” Jensen scratched at the back of his neck and Jared chuckled at the familiar nervous gesture.

“Well?” he asked, when nothing more was offered. “Spit it out.”

“Samantha Ferris offered me the job,” he said in a rush. “And I accepted.”

Jared blinked. “She offered you Weatherly’s job?”

Jensen grinned. “Yeah. I’m the new Chief of Residents.”

Jared laughed, rushing forward to pull Jensen into a hug. “Oh, God, Jen! That’s so awesome! I mean, I’m not a doctor or anything, but I know a few, and I’m thinking that’s a pretty big deal.”

“Yeah, man, it’s a fucking huge deal!” Jensen agreed, and Jared could hear the smile in his voice. “But you know what the best part is?”

Jared pulled back so that he could see the bright grin on Jensen’s face, the mischief and excitement shining in his eyes. “No, what?”

“I’m Danneel’s boss!”

 

  
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